Ive finally had it, I cant take my marriage anymore. My husband has had a drug problem(cocain) for the entire time that we've been married,(1 year)when he is high, he gets paranoid & saids im cheating on him & he starts going crazy all around the house looking for whoever im cheating with. If my friends bring one of their friends around, it atomatically is the guy that im soposibly cheating with. I've never even come close 2 thinking about cheating. His mind is just not righ anymore & everytime hes on drugs, he gets crazy, not towards me thank God! But this problems has my family & friends just so confused. Ive tried 2 get him help, but he wont go, ive called the cops and he stoped for only 2 weeks, I just dont want to deal with it anymore, but i feel so bad because im the only person he has & I feel guilty for leaving him, but im just so unhappy. When i meet him he was a wonderful person & i know he still has it in him, somewhere but ive just lost all hope
2007-12-11 05:34:51 · 20 answers · asked by lacrazy010 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It has been all over the TV in ads for the show Intervention...but I believe it has a lot of truth to it: "He may not make it, but you have to."
For your own sanity. For your own protection. For the ability to live and enjoy your life...you must make it. Even if that means leaving him behind.
You say you are all he has...is that true? An addict only has their drug of choice and EVERYTHING else is secondary at best.
2007-12-11 05:43:00 · answer #1 · answered by Delete Account 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was divorcing my husband for the same reason, except he didn't act crazy around me because when he did drugs, he always stayed away from home (like staying out all night). He never did it around me, but I knew it was going on. My husband was very depressed and he committed suicide a month after I moved out. I'm not saying that will happen to you because I'm sure our situations are different but I just wanted to tell you that your husband probably won't stop doing drugs and you have to do what is right for you. I have never done drugs in my life, and I can't understand how I wasn't able to help my husband, but I couldn't. I tried for years, and he actually did try to get help a few times by going to rehab, being put on medication, and attending AA meetings but nothing worked. If anything, it made things worse because he met new people and new connections through these meetings. The sad truth is that once a person gets addicted to a drug like cocaine it is very difficult to stop doing it and a lot of people just can't. I know how you feel when you say that you're all that he has because I felt the same way. But you have to accept the fact that YOU CAN'T save him. Your husband will be okay. He needs to learn how to take care of himself before he can take care of you and he's obviously not ready to do that. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you can find peace with your decision. Don't let guilt be the thing that keeps you there. You should feel guilty that you are allowing yourself to be so unhappy.
2007-12-11 13:53:28 · answer #2 · answered by Starting over 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Getting a divorce is always difficult. To give up hope on something you charished can be devastating. Let me start with this. Anyone who has gone through a divorce can tell you with 100% certainty that they felt guilty. Even if you are in the correct side. You feel guilty for giving up. See death is a natural thing widows don't feel that as much. But when you take a situation in to your own hands and change decisions you have made there is always guilt. When you married you had the best intentions. You never said, I'm getting married but if it doesn't work out I will leave. No one can forsee the future.
One thing you can see is the past. All this time that you have been putting yourself last by accepting his choices. You have given him chanses to change. He is responsible for himself not you. The only thing you are responsible is yourself. You didn't marry a drug-addict. You married a man who loved and cared for you. Now he is neither. You have to protect yourself first and foremost. Another thing you have to do is hope for the best. Maybe if he sees he lost everything and he hits rock bottom he will realize that he is going to end up alone....unless he changes his ways. Addictions are very difficult and it's not your job to help him it is his to help himself. When you feel guilty remember you are responsible for yourself and any children you might have or are planning to have. Would you want your children expose to addiction?
I think your answer is No. So give yourself strength and trust your decisions. Move forward with faith and conviction... Best of luck don't give up hope. No body knows what tomorrow will bring.
2007-12-11 13:50:52 · answer #3 · answered by liz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as long as he's on the drugs you are dealing with the drugs and not him. This is a case of where you have to let him go for his own good. Maybe he'll wake up and get the help he needs to get clean and sober, maybe he won't. He's the only one who can decide if he's going to do it. No amount of begging, screaming, and bribing will make him do it.
FWIW, if he does get clean and sober, don't go back with him until he's been straight for 5 years. Any sooner and he may back slide and you're back where you were.
Look at this situation as you are going to get on with your life and he's never going to change---if he does, then great and if you and he still want to be together at that time, then even better, but don't waste it waiting on him to change and get healthy.
contact alanon--I realize his problems are drugs and not alcohol, but the people there have all had to deal with the same types of things that you are experiencing living with an addict. You'll be able to talk to someone who has been there and knows what you are going through.
Good Luck!
2007-12-11 13:54:56 · answer #4 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for you- I went through the same thing with my oldest daughters father. When we met he was successful, had his own place, had his own car, had a great job. And then when I was pregnant his drug use got uncontrollable and he claimed he "needed to get it all out of my system before the baby". That was 8 years ago. I left him while I was pregnant. I knew he didn't have it under control like he thought and said. Now he is 32, living with his dad, hasnt held down a steady job, and every few months he moves in with someone else, and he is behind over 73,000 dollars in child support. My daughter adores her father is and CRUSHED that he never see's her etc etc... now his problem isnt so much drugs, but rather alcohol. I fear for his life daily.. but I don't know what to do either. Is there something you can do like those intervention shows where they are confronted by friends and family etc etc and have to get help? My best advice- sit him down and tell him you love him and want to help- but you don't know what to do. Explain that cannot change him- he has to want to change himself- and for the long haul- not just to fix things short term and make you happy. Explain that you cannot go on like this and you are leaving the decision up to him what to do. (give him some numbers of places to call etc) and say- you've got to make this decision and first step yourself- and if you ask i'll be right here holding your hand every step of the way.......
2007-12-11 13:48:13 · answer #5 · answered by Amy Clark 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your situation sounds like a lifetime movie...guy is perfect then has a bunch of problems, the girl stays and gets killed in the process. No matter you life situation (married, divorced, in a relationship, etc.) you ALWAYS have to do whats best for you. And if you are unhappy and you feel like he's sucking the life out of you (that's how I'd probably feel) then you need to move on. If its meant to be, he'll clean up and become a man worthy of you.
2007-12-11 13:41:52 · answer #6 · answered by Ali VDS United 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not feel guilty. This maybe a reality check for him. It's either you or the drugs. He is actually the one making the decision if he is refusing to get help and is aware of the consequences. You are making the right decision. Staying with him and accepting the behavior makes you an enabler.
2007-12-11 13:58:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't feel guilty, especially if you tried to help him... You can't help those who don't want to help themselves...
If you leave him and he decides to get help and he has no one, then be there for him as a friend. Let him know that...
Life is too short to settle for anything less then what you deserve. You can't waist your time... I know it's not easy, but you have to do it for yourself. The situation could get worse...
Just learn from this experience and move on... Everything we go through is a lesson learned.... All the trials and tribulations you go through, will just make you a stronger person and will help you get ready for whatever else in life may come your way....
Good Luck and God Bless you!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-11 13:59:46 · answer #8 · answered by Torres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you are leaving him, because you've done all that you can do. It's up to him to straighten up. Tell him you'll give him a year to get help and kick the addiction, and get his life on the right track, then he can come back to you. If he hasn't done it by the time the year is up, you'll divorce him. So just separate for now, you need it. And he probably wont stop without a big slap of reality.
2007-12-11 13:41:43 · answer #9 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's tough when you have to clean up your own mistakes. After all you married him. Whatever did you think was going to happen? He would quit just because of his love for you? That being the case, I could turn a dating service into a successful rehab clinic.
We learn most in a crisis. He'll get over it. Or not. Consequences come with neglect.
2007-12-11 13:59:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋