My husband was married before we met and his ex wife cheated on him. Him and I have been married for 4 years. During the summer we took a vacation and he saw a motorcycle and commented that he liked it. An idea came to me and I decided to get him one for his birthday. I approached my boss and asked for extra hours and was told no. So I got a part time job and never told my husband, all I told him was that I was needed to work extra hours. I wanted to surprise him with the motorcycle. I found a used one as that was all I could afford and had a guy custom paint it and fix it up. I made arrangements for it to be delivered to my husband on his birthday. A few days before his b-day he came home and was mad. He asked where I had been and I told him at work. I was at work earlier that day, at my 2nd job. He told me he had gone to my 1st job to take me out to lunch and I wasn't there and where was I? He accused me of cheating and I told him I am not cheating and he needs to trust me on this.
2007-12-11 05:24:39 · 24 answers · asked by Rose 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His b-day was so close and I kept telling him it was not what he thinks. He wouldn't listen and he grabbed the ring off of my finger and threw me out of the house. I left and stay with a relative in another town and he doesn't know where I am. He's been sending me tons of emails and wants to see me. He got the motorcycle and is begging to see me. I want to then I don't and I'm so torn about what to do. Please, help me.
2007-12-11 05:29:21 · update #1
Meet him for dinner or something and let him do the apologizing he WILL be doing it.I'm sure he feels like an *** at this point and thinks he has lost you forever. As some one who has been cheated on I know the feeling but he did over react and knows it.If you love your husband the choice is yours but there better be some serious butt kissing going on here on his part. Just meet somewhere first and go from there..good luck..that was a wonderful gift...sorry for the confusion..he is a man..hehe
2007-12-11 05:42:48 · answer #1 · answered by wintairi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should come clean about everything, but then you need to think about how he kicked you out. That is illegal by the way, if you didn't want to leave, he can't make you. You own half the house, whether your name is on the deed or not. However, I can completely understand why you would want to leave.
I would tell that you wanted to surprise him. You also need to make sure that he works on his anger issues / suspicion issues on you cheating. My husband was with a woman who cheated on him multiple times, and he didn't find out until 8 years into the marriage (12 years together total). We have only been married for two years, and I find myself in the same situation. However, I'm pretty fiesty, so I fight back.
We keep each other in check, although I don't believe that it is a good situation to be in. Has he seen a therapist about it? He may have some personal issues that he needs to deal with himself.
You could try moving back in if he promises to see a therapist, or some other equal trade. Or you could postpone moving back in until you think he has learned a lesson.
You could also say that maybe you should take it slow and go out to dinner a few times with him so that you can stop associating him with that incident. However, there is no right answer to what you should do -- just think about it for a while and you might figure out what is BEST FOR YOU.
2007-12-11 05:36:53 · answer #2 · answered by Amber M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself, is his birthday surprise worth your marriage. If this was the other way around, you would be suspicious, too. Anyone would be. Go to him and tell him everything, it will be wonderful, because he will know that you weren't cheating on him, and he gets a motorcycle, he'll be more in love with you than ever. Next time, don't get a second job just to get a gift. Remember, you lied to him first, even if it was done in good intentions. You told him you were at work, you didn't say which job.
2007-12-11 05:31:34 · answer #3 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a bummer. Thanks for screwing up my day. What a sad story. How could we have changed this? What could we have done differently?
Let's see...he was burned in a previous relationship. We wanted to surprise him with a special gift, so we hid the fact that we were working a second job leading him to believe tha pain he felt last time was going to come back and hit him again...Maybe we could have told him we were going to take a second job to ... IDK, maybe help out with the bills, or help to save money to buy a house...anything other than we just weren't at work...and he didn't know where we were.
You screwed up as much as he did. He should be able to put his past behind him and trust you, because you weren't the one who hurt him, but then again...if I had been shot by someone and then a year later I was at a party and someone pulled out a gun, I would probably run the heck out of there.
Do the right thing here, call him and let him apoplogize all over you for thinking you were having an affair, and then you apologize for putting him through the old pains and get back to life.
Yoda out
2007-12-11 05:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by Yoda 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just tell him where you've been, and why. A man who's been cheated on, has the same feeling a woman has. You only hear about women's problems on this topic, because it's everywhere. There's absolutely nothing wrong with what you did for him. I'm sure once he knows what you were doing, things will be better. Good luck!
2007-12-11 05:32:00 · answer #5 · answered by eagleman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you are cheated on you are always skeptical. You NEVER EVER want ot fell that way again. Sit him down and tell him the truth. Explain what really happened and he should be ok. You knew he had been cheated on when you guys got together and that is soemthing that couples have to work on together. Don't let love slip away.
2007-12-11 05:30:27 · answer #6 · answered by kristin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you still holding out on the surprise. It is no longer important.
If my husband had accused me of cheating because he thought I wasn't at work when I said I was, then I would have to tell him about the 2nd job and the birthday present.
To tell him to just trust you when he clearly doesn't and has thrown you out because of it is insulting to his intelligence and does nothing to ease his fears.
edit:
just saw your add on. Arrange to see him and hear him out. I bet he's feeling pretty foolish and low.
2007-12-11 05:40:44 · answer #7 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you ever made a mistake ?? Communication is everything in a relationship. He got burned once before and is very leary about getting burned again. Why couldn't you have said....I'm working more hours b/c I want to get you something for your birthday. Why couldn't you have said..." Come on, I want to show you something " and then took him to see the bike....I guarantee it would've meant more to him then than giving it to him on his birthday. Email him back today and take him out to eat. Enjoy your dinner !
2007-12-11 05:43:07 · answer #8 · answered by Dr. Knowe Nuthing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People she just said he got the motorcycle and is now begging to see her. I would be really hurt and pissed, but would give him another chance. You need to have a long long talk and he needs to apologize and promise to trust you and never act that way again. Tell him his behaivor was beyond unacceptable.
2007-12-11 05:32:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Once he sees the gift he is going to feel soooo bad. Sorry you are paying for another spouses infidility. He really owes you an apology.Good Luck
2007-12-11 05:31:31 · answer #10 · answered by Babe 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋