When people say, "I am trying to find myself", what exactly do they mean?

Question

How do you find yourself?

Answer 1

I was always pretty sure what this means and so when people wrote to me that they are trying to find themselves, then my understanding was that they want to know themselves, finding out about themselves, what would include their attitude, their behavior, why they react, what the motives of their goals are and where these are coming from. But when these people came here, then it turned out that they had absolutely no interest to get to know themselves. They were not interested to meditate, in my experience and view the best way to create a base to find out about oneself. They were not interested when I was talking about the subject, instead of this they were showing resistance and were mostly complaining about things on the outside they didn't like. This happened again and again and I had asked myself why these people say that they are trying to find themselves. Until it became clear that what they want is 'self confirmation'! They want to experience themselves, they want to feel themselves, they want to feel their existence by being seen and acknowledged from others and also be able to react. So often people were provoking to receive confirmation from the other person through their reaction. Oh boy! Just the usual game what we can observe everywhere. And when I pointed this out to maybe start real 'self knowledge' then people escaped by giving the fault to me or to outside circumstances. Like saying: "You can't be right, because you have a pimple on your nose!"
It is now more than thirty years that I am trying to run an 'Intentional Community' or whatever one might call it. The idea was that a group of people live together who are interested to 'find themselves' and then do something together out of this knowledge that would go beyond ones limited self centered personality. But now I'm coming near to the point to give up, as I must realize, that this is an illusion. I know that 'finding oneself' is something real, but obviously this is so rare that it is not possible to get a group together and it looks like that those people who have this urge to find themselves are doing it alone and are not interested to share this with others. Indeed, this is a very individual thing and one needs, at least in the beginning, to protect oneself by separating oneself from others. So now I understand why people want to live together with others: Just because they want to be confirmed in their beliefs, their self image and in their concepts, but nothing necessarily is involved like 'self knowledge' or 'finding oneself'.
Even though I spend more than thirty years on this intention, it was not for nothing. I learned a lot about human nature, this world in many aspects and - last not least about myself. So I can say that I ‘found myself’.
If you ask me how did I find myself, then I can tell you that I always had a clear vision what I wanted to do and on the path of the realization of my goal I was relating to every thing what was showing up. I reflected about it and was asking all kind of questions to clear up the situation, and then I responded in the best way I was capable, making my decision by taking responsibility. I mentioned it before: What helped me and without I wouldn't have been able to continue with the same intensity all over the years, that I was meditating regularly. This created the favorable condition that I could be aware more and more about my mostly unconscious conditioning by observing myself specially when confronting daily life and also looking behind the appearance of other people and their behavior.
Thank you for your question, indeed an important and essential one.
BeiYin

Answer 2

Trying To Find Myself

Answer 3

In the darkness. In my youth I set a path toward happiness, yet the destination yields little joy and laughter is not found, though it was expected, after-all I chose this path and I walked it, so I chose yet another path and then yet another, still my heart remains low, unfulfilled. The years pass by. Where did my life go? Where is the place that I can go to discover that joy and happiness I search for with such desperation and why is it so elusive to me? What is it about me that I don't understand? And if I am unable to understand me than of what hope do others have to point me in the right direction? Oh, many tell me what I should be doing to find my joy, but it is through their path and they fail to consider that I am not them and they are not me. Truth be told those who claim to have found themselves given enough time begin to start looking again which tells me they were not satisfied with their destination either. This is not to say that I don't know some things about me, but peel back all the layers of the onion and the mature man rolls away and the hurt crying infant is revealed in dark. The mature man picks him up and holds him and says what is wrong, but the infant inside doesn't know how to speak. The infant inside knows he isn't happy and is streaming to the mature man to make it right, but the mature man is just exhausted, beside himself and doesn't know what to do.

Answer 4

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
When people say, "I am trying to find myself", what exactly do they mean?
How do you find yourself?

Answer 5

Indeed, there is hardly any quest for self-knowledge from people and then there are those 'spiritual' people where 'self-knowledge' is part of their self-image and they are using many kinds of techniques, like kundalini-yoga, self-hypnotism, imagination and many other manipulation methods to further their self-knowledge - or is it still 'self-confirmation? Probably it is, but of course on a much higher level than the usual ordinary self-confirmation... At least they are capable to explain every thing and write about it in detailed explanations. They must feel good, demonstrating their self-security, congratulations!
InkyPinkie

Answer 6

I once remembered saying these words once. In short, its figuring out why things are the way they are, who I am, what is my purpose, and all the whys. You find yourself by being aware, though the quote is mostly used as a contemplative escape.

Answer 7

First you have to realize that- We are not this material body, IE; Race, color, nationality, Religion, mind, intellect, senses, job, etc. We are all eternal spirit souls, part known as Krishna, Allah, Jehovah, Vishnu, and parcel of the Supreme Soul, also etc. We never die, only this mortal body dies. This material world is not our real home, it is called Maya (illusion) and is temporary and full of misery, only one fourth of the souls come here, and the rest are enjoying blissful eternal loving relationships with our Maker named above. We fell here due to envying Gods position. He made the material world for those who want to try to live separately from Him (Which is impossible because He is actually everywhere). After many lifetimes of trying to be happy in this temporary world one becomes frustrated and board and begins to question their existence. We then seek out real happiness, and when one becomes sincere God reveals how to come back Home. Those who are intelligent, take up the process of self realization (Bhakti Yoga) which begins with the chanting of the Maha Mantra (the great mantra for deliverance from all suffering and illusion), which gives one real peace, happiness and reality. Then at the end of life they can give up all material attachments and fully surrender to God and return to the eternal Kingdom, where there is no more birth, death, old age, or disease and be eternally happy. For info. Go to harekrishnatemple.com Read The Science of Self Realization by Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada . I am so glad I know who I am now. We all need to find ourself to be truly happy.

Answer 8

is it weird to think ive been trying to find myself since i was like 6 or so? i used to look in the mirror and hate my own reflection legit like look at it and used to not even be able to look at myself. am i weird or depressed? or just been through too much? i feel so weird around everyone like a fake *** guy. also when i used to look in the mirror and look at myslef i would get sooo much pain. like thats not me thats a monster. maybe i just dont wantt to get to know myself? or dont trust myself? not even my parents like no one. anyays i would hvae to think of a happy thought when i looked at the mirror close my eyes real hard and pretend to be something that im not then look away and change the subject. am i crazyy??

Answer 9

I have a T-shirt about this!
It reads: "I'm trying to find myself. If I should return before I get back please ask me to wait."

Answer 10

sometimes you get caught in imitating other peoples likes; trying to improve yourself to impress or fit others needs and your true self gets lost somwhere and you try hard to find it.