men only...please help!!?

Question

how can i avoid falling into the "marriage trap"? what i mean by that is i always want my husband to find our sex life fun and exciting and i want him to never forget that first and foremost i am a hot blooded woman. we get along great but sometimes it seems that he sees me more as a wife and best friend than a hot and bothered woman. i have to remind him by wearing lingerie and getting into bed naked with perfumed body oils and such. he has said before in the past that he thinks i'm "worth more than just being his sex toy" and treats me like a million dollars. this is great and i consider myself very lucky but i dont want him to get tempted to cheat for "thrills and excitement" because he still sees me as his life companion but not as a lusty woman. got any suggestions for how i can remind him that i may be his best friend and partner in crime but that im also a woman who wants to sexually pleased and pleasing. i already take care of myself, work out, and im young.

btw: i think he may have a slight problem referred to as the "madonna/whore syndrome"..meaning he sees me as his "good" wife and has trouble treating me like a "bad girl" in bed.

Answer 1

Well, first of all... Good for you! You're husband is sooooo lucky. What a great find you were for him. Jumping in bed naked with great smelling body oils and stuff sounds great! And you being a "lusty woman" is great too.

And if you're young and in good shape I can't imagine any man not going absolutely nuts over you. What most men wouldn't give to have what you describe. So if your husband isn't super interested there is something wrong. He's either having an affair or he's working too hard or he's got some physical or medical problem.

Geez, just reading what you wrote is a real turn on. Living with it would be and unbelievable turn on. I don't think I could leave a woman like that alone - ever. Talk about thrills and excitement. I don't see how you could possibly do any better. If he's not into all of that, he's just dead or something. I really don't know what to say.

Some men do get wigged out when their wife has a baby. I've heard about that kind of crap. I don't understand it. Pregnant women and young mothers can be a huge turn on. A man just has to have an open mind.

I think you need to sit down and talk with your husband and tell him straight out what you want and what you're up to. Sometimes religion can bend a man's mind about sex. Some denominations kind of put out the message that sex is dirty or bad or whatever.

So to answer your question, I don't see how you could possibly do any better than you've already described. The rest is really up to him. You sound wonderful. I don't see how I could make you sound any more alluring.

Youth is wasted on the young. Your husband has no idea how lucky he is. There's nothing wrong with a wife who is a "sex toy" or whatever he said... You can be very sexual and still be worthy of respect. Actually, I have a lot more respect for a woman who is sexual than one who is not. Sexuality is what makes a woman a woman.

I don't feel like I've been very helpful because I really can't make any suggestions beyond what you're already doing. I guess I'm just confirmation for you that you're doing all the right things. If he's not wildly and uncontrollably interested, there is something wrong with him emotionally, physically, or both.

Just keep up with what you're doing. There is no lack on your part - not that I can see.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Hmmmm... sounds to me like you are doing all the right things to avoid the "marriage trap." You are working hard to keep sex in the marriage and keep it exciting. Unfortunately, A LOT of wives (and maybe even some guys) put their interest in sex into long term storage shortly after the marriage is official. The marriages can survive, but usually because of some reason other than the spouse, such as not wanting to hurt their children. Then the wives are surprised that the husband might be tempted.

Keep doing what you are doing. To introduce a little more excitement the best thing is to talk about what his (and your) fantasies are. If you don't want to be so direct or your guy is one that doesn't do a lot of talking, rent movies that are mainstream but have some very erotic moments or other suggestive content. Especially those that have scenes where the characters are acting out a fantasy or playing a sex game. Even if it's a comedy, these scenes open up the door for a discussion and make it easy to ask questions like,"do all guys enjoy that?" where he will actually end up telling you if *he* would enjoy it. :-) Gives you a way to drop light-hearted hints that you might enjoy some of those things without running the risk of going too far too fast. Good luck! And again, I'm sure most men who have been married more than a couple of years would LOVE to have a wife like you that gives a crap.

Answer 3

I think you are doing a great job now. The most important thing is that you recognize that you could fall into the "marriage trap", that is more than I can say for the majority of women. Your husband is a very lucky man. Now... In my opinion you should just be spontaneous, leave naughty notes for him, call him and be bad (at times), tell him you want to meet him somewhere and tell him where and when, I am sure you can take it from there. Change things up and keep him guessing, that is the best thing in the world! Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Why not tell him that if you wanted a nice man to take care of you, that you would have married your dad or brother?

Seriously, men actually DO need their women to wear lingerie and perfumed body oils and such. The thing with men, however, is that they tend to act out their emotions during sex where as women tend to not have any difficulty expressing their emotions. Quite possible, maybe he is cautious because he is afraid about how me might act in bed, or maybe he really does think that you're worth more than what he feels is "trashy sex"...

The point is, however, that you both have to seek fulfillment and you have to be open and honest about what you want...

But then again, what do I know...I'm on day 39 without sex with my spouse....

Answer 5

What you need to tell him to make him realize is that during the daytime and in public you will be his perfect madonna wife. The pure angel who is everything he ever wanted and needed as a friend, partner and wife. The one thing that you want him to realize is that in the bedroom, you both should feel free and uninhibited to do anything you want to. Basically that you are proud to be his little play thing, sex toy and yes even sIut. It is not bad to be that way, because you two are consenting adults in a loving relationship staying within whatever boundaries you both have set forth. Now go forth, frolick and fornicate!!!

Answer 6

First, plan a weekend away from home - its easier for him to get "mo freaky" if reminders of home aren't present. Then let your imagination cut loose. I suggest roleplay.

Heres a scenario: Send him downrstairs to the bar and have him wait for you. Become another woman - use different make-up, a wig, a different clothes - just make sure its HOT. then enter the bar and hit on him. NO..it won't encourage him to cheat -it'll show him that your more than "good wifey", and there more than just one aspect of the woman he married.

You can go so many ways with this - have a ball. I know a woman with a dedicated closet for her roleplaying, and a regular set of personas she assumes. If he really likes it, get real frisky and meet HIM in the bar, while your leting men hit on you...and then let him come in and sweep you of your feet. It'll help shake this up.

Let him think of you as his sex toy from time to time! (my wifes sex-name isn't "Toi" for nothing!

Answer 7

Don't do the "bad girl" at home. Get a hotel room it will add to the "bad".

ALSO don't think he will cheat because you are the "mom" I love that my wife is the "mom" of our children and I love to have sex with her pregnant too! (our 4th is on the way)

We married men can be very attracted to and find the mother of or children very HOT and THRILLING!

Also if your hubby is like me he will do ANYTHING you ask him to do sexually! SO if you want to spice it up TELL him what to do!

Answer 8

I thought its just me who has the "madonna/whore syndrome" because my girl too is a hot blooded woman while I treat her like a million dollars.
at first I thought you didnt value his feelings but when I read your whole question, I came to know that you want to show him your wild side too because you dont want him to go to other woman.thats great.
but Heather, men like me and your guy will appreciate their girls to take the initiative as far as sex and kinkiness is concerned because we cannot just see our girls "in that way".
he wont go to other women if you are feling inscure but yes sadly you will have to have him in the bed ( although I am sure he must be great in the bed once he is turned on *wink* )

Answer 9

Your husband wants to settle in with his wife..not his girlfriend. I'm sure he wants to break out wild with you but he is respecting his wife. You want some good advice...Secretly go rent a porn movie and rub yourself a little while he's watching, you may see something different in him...You should feel grateful that your husband treats you with dignity and respect. Alot of women doesn't have that. Good luck

Answer 10

I have an idea....be honest with him. My wife and I started doing this with our sex life a year ago and made a huge difference! He needs to know what you want if he thinks it's dirty then that's on him, and as your best friend needs to look at both sides of the relationships needs.