New,Sand,Oasis,Love Ballad ...Any thoughts?

Question

,New, Sand, Oasis, Love Ballad

If sand is made from dried tears,
Then I've made a desert.

My brain is an oasis. A freedome of the
Harsh, grainy wind. Which is love.
An oasis gives me nourishment with honeysuckle blooms.
An oasis. From the outside looking in
You wouldn't guess I was there.

I let my hair down and leave. My feet
Take me to an Oasis. And while I'm there I
Hide my eyes behind smoke.
-The holes to my soul, they say.
With so much sand, I feel nearly buried.

Only when I grasp the first branch do I say,
"I'm here", "I've made it."
I take my cigarette, and comes the smoke.


We mingle our brains. We've shared everything.
All I've given as gifts, I've gotten in return.
I'm happy.
And blessed rain comes pouring down.
My bitter, salty conscience; like my skin, are
Clean and white again.
I love.

As I've said, though. Smoke covers my eyes.
But you see through sometimes. You kiss it.
Its a hard thing. Letting see the desert you've begun to brave- See into What you once called Oasis-

Where the pool has begun to shrink, the large strong branches curling inward. It's vegitation a numbing ingestion.

But you bring me in. Trying your damnest to rip off my faded clothes.
You too were brazed by thorns, and deteriorated from hot wind.
And with unknowing hands you've pulled me forth
Unto plenty.Pulling me into you, feeding me.

Making my limbs uncurl-
You brace yourself against me and pushed me up through the canopy, and Into the sun, but above the grain of sand.

Which you try to keep me from, and
I've tried my hardest so far.
I know, I love. You've tried
To show me new love. Not
The brash wind which I also know.

And I know.

Apparently my poem sucks..if that is the case tell me why and how you would fix it sank you...

Answer 1

The speaker seems weird, creepy, grotesque, bizarre! If taken literally but I think it is a love poem. The images chosen convey a different meaning though.

Sample this:

We mingle our brains
If sand is made from dried tears,
Then I've made a desert.
My brain is an oasis. with honeysuckle blooms
My feet/Take me to an Oasis
The holes to my soul
My bitter, salty conscience; like my skin, are
Clean and white

,

Answer 2

Aww, so sweet. Kazuma, your poetry is so open and revealing. I love it. You have a way of reaching into your soul and then putting it on the page, albeit misspelled. That's okay though. I love the lines 5,6,7 in the last stanza. Thanks for the feel good day.