My wife is complaining that I do not make enough time for her. In all honesty I don't see how I can squeeze more time out of my day. I don't fish, hunt, play golf or do anything for myself, EVER. I go to work every day and go to the gym (3 days a week). I still arrive home before my wife, when I go to the gym. The rest of my time is spent with my family in some way. On the weekends, I am either with all or some of them the entire time. I do have a son (from a previous marriage) that I spend time with either in conjunction with and/or seperate from my wife. I have altered the things I used to do (not going to ball games, not spending as much time coaching my son's ball teams, not going to the gym on the weekends, neglecting projects that need to be done at home). I attend EVERY one of her daughter's events (whether they are plays, soccer games, PTA nights at school). But, it is never enough. I choose to do these things because my family is what makes me happy. What can I do?
2007-12-11
02:11:30
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12 answers
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asked by
salsax
2
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
When I refer to "my family", it means my wife, my son, my step-daughter.
2007-12-11
02:21:54 ·
update #1
What really gets me is that her previous husband left her and her daughter for another woman. He always spent time away from them doing something (ie. fishing, spending time with his friends), and I don't do any of those things. Am I not a world of difference better than what she had before? I just don't feel she appreciates or is thankful for the man she has now!!!
2007-12-11
02:28:18 ·
update #2
You seem like a great husband in my opinion. It's great that you do so much for your children. I have 2 children so I know how you feel. I try to look at it this way, when my husband and I are with our children together, we are all spending time as a family. I do wish that we were together alone a little more, but we have a blast all hanging out together. A lot of people say pick a date night and find a sitter and stick with it, but that's easier said than done. If you are having a hard time doing that, then maybe after the kids go to bed at night, you and her could stay up later and have dinner together, watch a movie, or just cuddle together while talking. Good luck.
2007-12-11 02:20:48
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answer #1
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answered by dreamer 2
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She doesn't want more family time, she wants more time just you and her!!!!
Make saturday nights (or another night) the night you go out just the two of you. Or every other week, once a month, whatever she wants. Movies, dinners, dancing, etc. She wants quality time with you!!! She realizes that the marriage is much more important than the family. Without the marriage, the family falls apart.
If she's more secure in your relationship, she'll be more willing to let you do other things on the weekends. The time with your son is much more important that the stuff with her daughter. Your son NEEDS you. You're just the stepdad to her daugther.
2007-12-11 10:42:52
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answer #2
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answered by serene e 6
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when you say you spend time with your family? What family are you talking about? Is this only your children/stepchildren? or are you talking parents/aunts/uncles/siblings also.
I would cut back on the parents/aunts/uncles/siblings--it's not important to see them every week (since becoming an adult, I talk to my brother a couple of times a week, but I see him maybe once a month--he lives about 20 min. away)
If by family you mean the children/stepchildren, then you need to have a sit down with your wife and have her spell out specifically what it is she needs from you. example: I need to have a date night 2 times a month. Decide together what it is you are going to do, when it will be done and what you can cut back in the schedule to fit in the time together.
Keep in mind that it may not be YOUR schedule that needs to be adjusted. If after working a full day at work AND going to the gym, you are still getting home before her, then SHE may be the one who needs to make adjustments in HER schedule so you two can spend more time together.
We women tend to over schedule ourselves in an effort to keep everyone happy and then completely forget about what we need to do keep ourselves happy and sane.
Good Luck!
edit: this is why you need to sit down with her and REALLY talk to her. It sounds like she's starved for attention and possibly affection and she's trying to make up for lost time.
2007-12-11 10:28:06
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answer #3
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answered by Invisigoth 7
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I'm in the same situation as you. I have a step son that I feel my husband puts all of his extra time with! We have kids together too but the little boy seems more important than the rest! We came to a compromise for us....Every sat. we go out for a few hours just to do for us! We go eat, watch a movie, an even play pool together!! It take alot of stress out of us an we usually talk alot to each other during our time! We fix alot of problems during Our Time!!!Your wife is only trying to get some of you too! Don't get mad at her for being insecure about you, she just wants you to give her some time! When you combine families you have to give an try harder than before! She shouldn't take away the time you have with your son but you shouldn't put all your time into your son! Maybe instead of going to the gym 3 times try going only 2 an use the day for the both of you!!
2007-12-11 10:57:34
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answer #4
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answered by ajjsdj4ever 2
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Sounds like you need to sit down and really evaluate some things. When you say you spend "weekends...either with all or some of them the entire time" who exactly are you referring to? Parents, siblings? It's odd that you refer to time with your "family" without specifying if that includes your wife.
At any rate, the two of you should have one night a week that is JUST FOR THE TWO OF YOU. A date night. Get a sitter. See a movie. have dinner. Heck, go to a hotel for the night....just get the two of you out of the routine. This is your marriage and it will last BEYOND the kids being at home....so you need to nurture it.
2007-12-11 10:20:12
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answer #5
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answered by lady_phoenix39 6
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I think your wife wants you less with the kids and more with her. Maybe you could ask her what she wants you to do to make more time for her. Women love it when they're man ask their advice. Perhaps before you come home, pick up some roses for her and a good romantic movie. Or decide to take her out for the night. These are simple ways to show her you care. I think she knows you love her because your active with her daughter. She just wants some you time by herself.
I hope this helps.
2007-12-11 10:27:23
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answer #6
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answered by Hannah F 1
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You need to tell her all of this. Let her know you make sacrifices to be with her and your family. Ask her how you could give her the time she wants. She might just want a nice dinner alone or maybe a movie.
Communication is the key!
2007-12-11 12:51:20
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answer #7
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answered by C>/ 4
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It seems to me that you've done all the right things to make this situation better for your wife. But it's still not good enough, which makes me think it's the quality time you spend with HER and only her. Maybe you two should plan to get a babysitter and spend sometime to yourselves. Maybe she wants a little one on one time with you. : ) Can't blame her for that.... good luck.
2007-12-11 10:20:48
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answer #8
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answered by BLUEEYEZ80 2
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Sounds like she feels insecure in the marriage, and that is probably coming from the insecurity of herself. She needs to figure out what is going on inside herself.
2007-12-11 10:27:32
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answer #9
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answered by Jengi 3
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you can sit her down and tell her to get a grip. If I'm reading you correctly, you spend every week night with her and some weekends. I would kill to see my husband that much. She's very lucky to have as much time with you as she does. You have to have time for you and you shouldn't feel guilty about that.
2007-12-11 10:18:04
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answer #10
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answered by LB 6
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