i was married twice and my first wife had a selfish kind of narcissistic mother. she hated her mother because her mother had an affair on her father and proclaimed that she wasn't like her at all. guess what happened? she had an affair on me. second wife was a very sweet woman to the outside world. everybody seemed to love her.then behind closed doors she was horrid. yelling, screaming, obscenities. then after marriage i found out her own mother had horrid issues. her and her whole immediate family shouted at each other, made up, acted like you could do anything to the people you love and they were suppose to just forgive you. her mother had serious control issues and was very emotionally manipulative and very abusive. i came to find out after my second wife used to trash her mother, she was the same way. i tried to help but she just couldn't change. in your experience is it true that apples don't ever fall very far from the tree as far as spouses and their parents are concerned? And if the spouse was different than the parents, how did that happen? Did they finally have to realize that they had to cut all ties to their immediate family (which is almost impossible but some have done it to preserve their marriage and break their family cycle). However I haven’t seen it done.
2007-12-11 01:19:57 · 8 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Simple, you don't just marry the person, you marry the family too. Think about that when you get hitched, blood is always thicker than water.
2007-12-11 01:23:09 · answer #1 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't agree always that the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
I believe in your case, in the instances with the women you married, the problem was that they didn't seek the right help to get them through the pain and suffering that they went through in their household.
I was raised in a family with a suicidal mother and abusive/alcoholic/drug addicted father. I witnessed a lot of fights, arguments, and other crazy things.
As I started maturing I realized that I was having trust issues with men because of what my father did to my mother... and I began realizing that if I didn't see a therapist, I would never be a trusting person and would therefor always have problems in any relationship due to lack of trust. So, I started seeing a therapist who helped me regain trust and also taught me how to be a better person. She taught me that you cannot change other people and the way they are but you can change yourself for the better regardless of how you were raised so long as you put forth the effort and really want to change.
I have broken my families cycle. =)
2007-12-11 01:25:42 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think it is not so much about the apple falling close to the tree as it is learnt behaviour.Some people recognize that this behaviour in their family is not what they want and make a conscious decision not to continue in that vein.Other people can not do this as they do not see any problems thinking this is how families are.
This perpetuates through the generations usually as the cycle continues,it does not mean you have to cut ties with your family you just have to choose not to be that way yourself.
2007-12-11 01:41:37 · answer #3 · answered by anita b 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was married and had issues with inlaws. You will hear people say that you are marrying that person and not their family. That is Bull.
You are each becoming part of that family. It all in the Genes baby.
2007-12-11 04:05:26 · answer #4 · answered by sammy3256 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a crazy and criminal family, I explain to anyone I date that "I have a disfunctional family but I don't nurture a disfunctional relationsip"
It took a few years of therapy to get to a point where I could separate from the issues, but now I am not damaged goods just because of where I came from. I have risen above it...many others chose not to though, each situation is different and that is what you have to look at when chosing a mate- what decisions have they made FOR THEMSELVES.
You don't get to pick your family!
2007-12-11 01:26:59 · answer #5 · answered by MissMaam 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
yes it is true; the same-sex parent as the child is their greatest influence; I tell my girls always if they think they are dating someone they might be serious about.....meet the parents! Find out what kind of relationship the guy has with his mother; find out how the father treats his mother....yes definitely, the NUT doesn't fall far from the tree!
2007-12-11 01:31:16 · answer #6 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well I married my husband terrance and didn't find out until after we got married like a year later that his family was trashy, nasty, and living off welfare foodstamps people.
2007-12-11 01:24:05 · answer #7 · answered by LivingMyLife 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose but you cant pick your family.
2007-12-11 01:44:27 · answer #8 · answered by always thinkin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋