My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We fell deep in love and decided within a few months we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. He gave me a ring and asked me to marry him. After 1 1/2 years we decided to start trying to conceive a child as I am 39 even though we were waiting for him to get his financial affairs in order before tying the knot in a few months. Shortly after I got pregnant the lie came out that he was still married although he'd told me many times that he was divorced--even though they have not lived together for 8 years. He says he never loved her. He told me that I am the one and that he has never loved a woman like he loves me...Anyway, it's now 6 months since I found out about his lie and although he promises me that he is getting a divorce, he hasn't started any of it. I am so frustrated. I've told him I can't keep waiting for him and that he has to work this out. He tells me to be patient and trust him. How long should I wait?
2007-12-11 01:09:37 · 28 answers · asked by model_student 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would like to add that I was with this guy for 1 and a 1/2 year and I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS MARRIED. It wasn't until after I was pregnant that I discovered his lie. Him and his wife live in different cities. So those of you who are just blasting me for going after a married man are wrong. I have never intentionally had a relationship with a married or involved man. I think that is just flat out wrong.
2007-12-11 01:21:26 · update #1
that's a pretty big lie, for 2 years + ??
i don't quite understand people who drag out divorce process. It took mine 10 months and i couldn't handle it.. i wanted it to be over in 30 days. (wife filed, i wanted to save the marriage.. biggest waste of energy, emotions and time in my life)
I understand that this is a very vulnerable time for you. your mind is doing weird processing, your hormones are changing, your body, etc etc...
bottom line is this. your entire relationship is built on a lie. everything that's coming out of his mouth is built on a lie. can you really believe anything he says?
it's hard being a single mom. but it may be even harder to have a mate that you don't trust.
how would you possibly trust this man to be your child's father?
2007-12-11 01:19:58 · answer #1 · answered by KJ 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You could wait until donkeys fly, but that might be longer than you want to wait for this clown. Why would you lay up and get pregnant by a man who hasn't married you first? Makes no sense. If he doesn't work this out, all you can do is continue in your pregnancy and raise the child without him. With that understanding, you need to prepare for the child's birth. This means you're going to need some extra money. Stop listening to empty promises and file for child support. You may need a paternity test, so you'd better be financially prepared for that as well.
If this guy ever gets his divorce, you'll be a fool to marry him. He'll lie and cheat on you, just like he did his own wife. Better wise up, girlfriend. 39 is too old to be a fool.
2007-12-11 01:37:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
What in the heck are you thinking? I'm sorry, but when you found out he lied about being married~~RED FLAG!!!! Do you not realize that with that lie coming out that he's been lying to you for 2 years. Ask yourself why would a man stay married to a woman for 8 yrs.and not live with her, get involved and want to start a family with someone else, and then lie about it? You are being played the fool and I'm sorry to say that. He just wants to play house with you while he keeps his wife on the side. If you really want to find out what's up, demand that he get a divorce so that the 2 of you can be married before giving birth to your child. If he refuses or comes up with excuses, you'll know that he has been playing you and will never commit to you and your child. Don't let him use you like that!!!!
2007-12-11 01:21:23 · answer #3 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's not leaving his wife.
And you will be raising the child by yourself.
When the baby is born have a paternity test. Then at least you'll get child support out of this.
The guy is a knucklehead and I hope you're smart enough to stay away from him.
He's lied to you since the beginning, and still stringing you along about getting a divorce.
What gets me is him allowing you to get pregnant when he knew he'd eventually have to tell you the truth about his wife.
2007-12-11 01:21:40 · answer #4 · answered by Ella 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I WAS 18, married with a baby. I went shopping and ran into a guy I had been with many times. He was 25, with a steady girl. Talking he talked me into going with him to have sex. We spent most of tht day out parking and having sex. He knew where we lived so after husband left for work Jerry pulled in the yard. He just had to have me sexually. He could do things to me that my husband couldn't. Jerry was extremely big their. And the DR. said no sex for at least 6 weeks. I was letting Jerry have me sexually, but not my husband. I was getting to way to close with Jerry. I kept telling my husband the DR. still was saying no sex, no sex. I went to a different DR. and had a pregnancy test tken, I was pregnant, So a week later I went to another DR. I was pregnant. When me and Jerry meant again in town on a Saturday I went with him tellig him the news. He seemed excited. We stopped and had sex, then he said lets go to the place I share with the guys. I had been their many times in my 12, 16's and 17's for sex. I didn't think that would happen. Well walking up to the house Jerry said he was happy to get me pregnant, and sice I'm pregnant it won't hurt for these guys to share you. I was dumd founded. With Jerry their was 7 of them. 7 guys can keep you busy and did. It was 11am when we got their and we left at 8pm. 4 guys brought me back 60 miles to my car. And enjoyed me all the way their. I was really feeling rotten. I lied to my husband when I got home and lied to him saying it was his baby. And having the baby I told my husband it was born early. I still have this rotten feeling about that, but it's been almost 38 years now. I sort of guess that I did make the right decesion. I'll never know for sure.
2015-12-04 20:54:19 · answer #5 · answered by Berta 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, you allowed this man to take advantage of you and feed you with his lies.
If he hasn't left his wife and lied to you continuously throughout the marriage what makes you believe that he's telling you the truth and is going to leave now?
I hate to be the one to break it to you but he's a selfish a$$hole because of what he did not only to his wife but to you. He lied to you making you believe he was separated and getting you pregnant then to tell you that he is actually still married, all the while lying to his wife as well.
This man doesn't deserve you or his wife. He deserves to live lonely for his lies.
I think it's time for you to move on which will be hard due to your baby and the pregnancy. But, it's obvious that this man wants to have his cake and eat it too and you will get no where in life with him.
2007-12-11 01:16:38 · answer #6 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He should never have lied to you about something like that to begin with. To "trust him" Just wouldn't make any sense. You can't trust him at all, he has already proven that to you. Truth is now, you really don't know much of anything about him. You spent years "with" this man, and he should have been honest about that straight from the get go. How could he put a ring on your finger and expect to marry you if he was already legally married to someone else?? The truth is, and this may be difficult for you to hear, but he is a USER and overall scum. Chances are, he still keeps in touch with his "ex" wife in more ways than one, and if not her then possibly someone else. You don't need that in your life. You need to be very careful, and make a good decision for yourself and your unborn child. Don't wait around for him, trust me if he can't be honest with you now and hasn't been especially about something so big, he won't change for you in the future. You have the opportunity now NOT to get caught up in a marriage to this person, that will make everything 1000x worse if you do. Even if he does divorce his wife, a decision to marry him will affect you BIG TIME. Possibly for the rest of your life. Take care of yourself and your baby, FIRST. It isn't too late for you to find a truly good man who will WANT to take care of you and your child in the future. But you need to respect yourself, and love yourself and your child enough to give the crap the boot. Best wishes!
2007-12-11 01:27:52 · answer #7 · answered by Intrigued 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Trust him? He's been lying to you for 1.5 years about being divorced and he wants you to trust him? Its been 6 months since you found out and he isn't divorced yet?
I left my husband at the end of September, Filed for divorce, late January and received my divorce decree in the mail in April, That is 7 months.
Can't tell you how long you should wait, its your life. But its not going to be an easy marriage should you decide to hang in there.
2007-12-11 01:17:07 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He asks you to trust him after he kept his marriage a secret... I hate to tell you but he already has 2 strikes against him. He is married and he is a liar. I can't see you having a trusting relationship with this kind of man. He is the type that brings nothing but heartache. Why do we women settle and refuse to see things for what they are? I would sooner raise my child alone and happy than to be miserable with a liar. Good luck with whatever you chose. I think you have been patient long enough.
2007-12-11 01:16:09 · answer #9 · answered by Babycat 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The way you explain it, it seems like he just didn't bother filling out the paper work, which isn't a big deal. In 8 years you kind of forget about it, and get comfortable. It's not a big deal, he probably just felt like he was divorced. Let him finish the paperwork, and then you can get married, really not a big deal.
2007-12-11 01:49:12 · answer #10 · answered by Brandnewshoes 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋