If a person makes a threatening remark about his soon to be ex wife, do you tell someone?

Question

My best friend is getting a divorce. They have two very small children, and are like family to us. I care very much about both parties.
I told both of them I didn't want to get into the middle and that we have managed to remain nuetral with our other friends that are divorced and still speak to all parties. The last time I saw this man he kept going on about the dissagreements and I repeated numerous times that I did not want to get into it. That it was between the two of them to work sonething out. Then he made a remark about harming her.
I spoke up about what he said and now,he is blaming me. He says that I butted into his business and made it so that he can not see his children. I do not feel that I put myself in the middle.I feel that he put me there. I never wanted to be in this position,I care about them both.

Thank you for the input, I know in my heart and my gut. That I made the prober decision to speak out about this. Also I do not initiate contact with this person. He shows up at work and approaches me while I am on the job. I have notified my direct supervisor and the security personal where I work. I do have a safe place to go should he show up again. I have also spoken with neighbors so that people are aware that our friendship has taken a turn. I guess I was just looking for someone that felt the same as I do about these types of situations. It's refreshing to see that others share my morals and values.

Answer 1

if he has a history of abuse verbal or physical i would tell the other person so they can be aware of it and tell their lawyer

Answer 2

You were right in you what you did.
You asked him to stop talking about their problems, he continued, said the wrong things, and you had the right to speak up about them.
When anyone speaks of harming another person, it should be brought to attention! There are men who are murdering their wives and ex wives these days. Just like kids who tell other kids they're going to come to school with guns. If the kids speak up, lives can be saved.. if they don't then bad things can happen like the Columbine incident.
Now, if he can't respect your decision to inform someone of the threats he made then he doesn't deserve your friendship. You had the right to be concerned as a friend of both of them and if he doesn't see that then he's just not mature enough.

Answer 3

You did the right thing. It sounds like he's in a desperate situation, and is thus acting desperate.

It also sounds like he is acting careless with his words, and then pointing fingers as it comes back to bite him.

You are very clear in your question about trying to remain neutral, and I'm sure you communicated that just as clearly, if not more clearly to him.

But, you can only remain so neutral, once someone's safety or security is potentially at risk, as it it did, it put you in a position where you had to speak up.

Stay your course, you sound reasonable, and it sounds like you have good judgement. Don't allow his desperation to sway you.

Good luck.

Answer 4

He was looking for a scapegoat and he found one. Sounds like the reason their marriage broke up. You don't have to choose sides to disagree with harmful and threatening remarks from someone. Your stance could be just the violent aspect of it. People who are peaceful and healthy don't make threatening remarks about others.

Answer 5

Since he keeps putting you in the middle, don't you think that it is obvious, that he is making the decision for you as to what you need to do? You don't need a brick to hit you in the head. If you don't want to be in the middle, don't go around him.

Answer 6

He is the one to blame....He is the one that felt the need to disclose his personal affairs to you...and you definitely should tell someone if his has threatened his soon to be ex wife...I have seen enough murder stories between husbands and wife's on Court TV....