Separation Aftrer Verbal Abuse?

Question

So...
I told my husband tonight that I wanted to seperate and that I thought it would be best for us if we were apart.Well, at first it went over ok, then **** hit the fan. Needless to say he is not happy about this! He said that I am giving up on him and that he needs my help, and I said that there is nothing for me to do, I have givin him all the help I can, but that the rest is up to him.
The thing is...like I said...I have been with him for 5 years, married almost 3 years. He started anti-depressents about 3 weeks ago, he says they arn't strong enough, that he needs stronger. (he's on effexor 70 MG) But, I have been the brunt of his unhappiness. I have been screamed at, have things thrown at me while Im holding the baby, been called names, he's left all weekend to play "video games" at his friends house, he doesn't take his pill on the weekend so he can drink, he's threated to "pound my face into the wall", "smash the cell phone through my face", "i'm being a c***!"

Do you think he is ever really going to change? Or is this really over? My head keeps telling me its over, but my heart wants to hang on...What should I do?

Answer 1

One thing I've learned in relationships and marriage, DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, it usually only gets you into trouble. My husband was a drug addict, a habitual liar and gambler. I accepted his behavior even when he promised he'd change and he didn't. I had a hard time letting go, especially when he would beg me to stay and that he needed my help to get better. It was all bs. If a person wants to get better they will do it on THEIR OWN and not for someone else. It has to be THEIR idea and they have to want it. I filed for divorce and I'm a happier person for it. I'm with someone that I'm very deeply in love with. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy at first to let go of my husband. I'd say it took me at least a year to finally just accept that it was over and to stop thinking about "what was". I was in love with who he used to be and that's what kept my heart going. Then I finally got it through my mind that he wasn't that person anymore nor was he ever gonna be that person. And you, you have a child to worry about. Don't put your child in a bad situation. You're taking the right steps so far. Let your husband handle this battle. You really don't wanna sit around and wait for it to get REALLY BAD. I know some people will prob disagree with me, and throw the whole "through sickness and health..etc.." But I'm sorry, I refuse to stick around and put my life and my child's in jeopardy.

*BTW...this was now almost 3 years ago that I left my husband. He now has a long list of criminal charges, and most recently got jail time for credit card fraud, burglary and also owes the IRS $5,100 not to mention a ton of fines from his criminal cases. Uhhh yeah! I'd say I have no regrets. Well except for not filing for divorce sooner.

Answer 2

This sounds exactly the situation my sister endured for 12 years. Always promises. Always he was going to change. She was called the same names you are being called and it got physical in the last 2-3 years. Shoving that became very, very aggressive and dangerous. My sister is out of the marriage but her self-esteem has been almost destroyed and her children's mental health is anything but stable after having to witness this horrible abuse. You are doing the right thing to get out now. If you have to, seek help from a women's crisis shelter so that you are safe from harm. He's trying to control you/guilt you/threaten you. Effexor isn't going to cure the underlying issues he's got going on. There is no pill that stops a person from being abusive. Get out while your life is still in tact. Take your power back. You and your child (children?) deserve far better than this. Imagine if he would have hit the child when he'd thrown something at you. You'd never forgive yourself. You are doing the right thing and help is available if you need it. Good for you. I am very proud of you. It only gets worse with these situations. Take your life back, you only have one. Many blessings to you.

Answer 3

yeah, definately get out. it's awful to put yourself in that kind of situation, let alone force kids to be in it. and maybe it will be the wake up call that he needs. it is *possible* that with counselling and maybe some medication that he will turn around and not be such an *** to his family. possible, not likely, mindyou. in the meantime, as much as it hurts at first, you will feel so much happier after a short while being out of that situation. and it doesnt mean if things *do* change, you can't go back (do not tell him that this is a possiblity in your mind, or he may have no motivation to truely change).

but take care of you and your precious baby first; and by making this tough decision, you will be taking care of him also. he will be motivated to become a better person.

Answer 4

Since he does not take his medication so he can drink it will never be over. His wants are more important than your needs. For your own safety and for that of your baby you need to get out and stay out. No one needs to live like this and your baby deserves to be brought up better than this. You have tried and he has not. Let him live with the consequences.

Answer 5

your seperation is safe and understandable.
Im so sorry for you but more conserned. maybe this will force his hand to get more help and mean it. Some times a wake up call is in order. I wish safety and peace for you and your child... wellness for your man.... hopefully he can be one you can respect someday.