I have a really harsh English teacher and I need some opinions. We were given an open ended fiction assignment. We must show emotion and originality. How is this for a start?
Searching is something that most find annoying. It is an act that complicates and plaques the mind much like the unexplained presence of a smell, or the phantom brush of skin. Often times, we ourselves simply create the absence of what it is that we are searching for. This however, was not the case for Elizabeth Reiley. The entire time that Liz searched she had faith that she would find what it was she was looking for. It had been there before, and it would be there again. Whether it be nestled in the corner of a warm glowing room or teetering on the edge of an unforgiving ravine Liz would find what she was looking for, and she simply knew it. Liz knew that there was beauty left somewhere in the world. She merely needed to determine where it went, and why.
2007-12-10 18:19:14 · 10 answers · asked by Jennie 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Well, I think it's a good start, but I think it needs some work-mainly because it reads as a essay-instead of a story. I think you should add more imagery to this, and add descriptions also to give this story more life. Also, I think you should take out unnecessary words that do not add to this piece.
Besides that, it's good. I really liked your diction in this.
2007-12-11 04:59:37 · answer #1 · answered by Taja B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's a good start, but it needs a bit of work. Some of your word usages are incorrect. You wrote "plaques", but it should be "plagues". Also, I think unexplained is a bit off kilter with the style of the rest of the story. Doesn't mesh with your choices of words. Maybe you could replace it with "mysterious" or something similar? Use the thesarus on your computer and you should be able to find a suitable substitute.
Also, "The entire time that Liz searched" is a bit abrupt. Perhaps you could say instead "However, this was not the case for Elizabeth Reiley. Elizabeth Reiley had been searching for (_____________) for (number of years, months, etc). Not once in all that time did Liz Reiley ever give up. In spite of the difficulties she always had faith that she would eventually find what she was looking for."
Of course, if you have withheld the object she's searching for for a particular reason, that's fine, but the mysticism of not saying what it is appears a bit vague, so if you're holding off on purpose, maybe you could give a few allusions to what it is (in a vague way) to help make the story flow a bit more.
Also, stating that there was beauty left in the world is a bit of a U-turn considering what you were talking about before. The sentence is out of place. It either needs set up differently or placed somewhere else in the story.
Anyway, sorry to seem so critical. I really think your story could be really good. I'm a writer though and tend to be detailed when someone asks for opinions. Hope you don't mind?
Again, the story is a good one. I like that it seems a bit mysterious at the beginning and that you have pretty descriptive words interspersed throughout to paint a more vivid picture. If you want someone to read the rest of it when you're through...with or without a critique, let me know. I'd be interested in reading the rest.
Good luck. :)
2007-12-11 05:37:45 · answer #2 · answered by Top Alpha Wolf 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
While I most agree with Alpha; I do wonder of your use of the word "plaque". Certainly it's as viable as "plague" depending on your intent. OR as he alludes to; perhaps just a misspelling or misuse of a similar word?
Obviously they have two distinct different meanings; but in a poetic license sense; PLAQUE can mean exactly what it's definition states; only you've applied to to someones mind.
It's a bit redundant, and could be re-written/ compacted/ summed up in being less "wordy"; but it is a decent beginning. Of course saying that; no one here has a clue as to the context or plot line of your tale.
Steven Wolf
Also and beyond that; Vague is risky, but if you can't HOOK a reader in the first sentence or paragraph; you're likely to lose them
2007-12-11 07:47:09 · answer #3 · answered by DIY Doc 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Plaques is fine, gives one pause to think about the effect of plaque on a mind. You definitely can expand the story and develop what she is seeking in her search. Prepositions are usually taboo at the end of sentences unless you are trying to create some effect.
2007-12-11 09:11:53 · answer #4 · answered by neonman 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A rose by any other name, would smell as sweet - just a hint.
2007-12-11 09:59:32 · answer #5 · answered by kissaled 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it! its pretty good, and has a good message. i dont know your english teacher so i dont know if he or she will like it, but i would give you a good grade for it.
2007-12-11 02:23:13 · answer #6 · answered by this is my avatar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the beginning is a bit cloudy and verbose but all in all captivating.
2007-12-11 02:22:42 · answer #7 · answered by vleighqnz 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
thats pretty good i like it.
2007-12-11 02:22:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love it!!
2007-12-11 02:21:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's very good
2007-12-11 03:14:34 · answer #10 · answered by Analyst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋