How do I resolve the differences between how my husband and I raise our daughter?

Question

Ok, so my husband and I are complete opposites in practically everything including how we raise our daughter. He was living abroad due to immigration issues for the first two years of her life. When he came to the US he told me I had screwed up and ruined our daughter. I was always proud of how close we were especially ince i did it alone.I am very into the attachment parenting, cosleeping etc. He thinks I am completely spoiling our daughter and that she has no respect for me. In some ways I agree, she hits me and has no real respect for my authority. I know that I need to become more strict if I want to maintain control of her as she grows older. My husband actually told me tonight, as I struggled to get her to go to bed without me, that he felt having a daughter with me was a mistake and that he didn't want any more kids because that would be an even bigger mistake. In general she is very good for a two-year old. She doesn't really throw tantrums except at bedtime and is affectionate

Answer 1

So your daughter is two right? And your husband doesn't think she is well behaved enough, and blames you, but he wasn't even in her life for the whole of it (gone for two years, and she's two right), or most of it? Well guess what, she is a normal two year old, tantrums and all, that's why they call it the terrible twos! Did he have anything to do with kids, especially of that age? Yes, you do have to be disciplined, and as the adult, you do have to be in control of the situation, but that's not going to change her straight away is it? If he wanted more say in her life, he should have made sure he was there for her.
Be gentle when making changes in her routine and discipline, or she could become confused and act out even more.

Answer 2

A 2 yr old hitting their mother is completely unacceptable. This child needs to learn boundaries. You need to undo what you did with the spoiling part of it. She needs to learn to sleep by herself otherwise you're gonna have a 6 yr old in bed with you and your husband. I can understand where your husband is coming from however I think he is overreacting just a little to the situation. You two need to work as a TEAM to raise this child and not work against eachother, otherwise the child will see this and that's when she's gonna start manipulating one of you two. You can still be a good mother and make your daughter sleep alone. As for the hitting, I'm just curious as to where that comes from. Get a hold of that now because right now she's two, imagine if she was 4 or 5 and slapping you at the grocery store or while you're out shopping.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like you do agree with your husband in some respects. Kids do need boundaries, and it helps if you start with them early.

On the other hand, with your husband not being around the first two years of your daughter's life means that he has to accept in some ways the ways you've related to your daughter.

Try to reach some kind of joint agreement, often times a shared choice is one that has considered things from more directions.

Answer 4

Who is running your relationship, you or your daughter?? She does not have your best interest at heart, she is a selfish 2 year old. I don't mean that rudely, but she's 2, MINE MINE MINE!! Right??? Set some rules now or your in for it when she is not much older! Women do the single parenting everyday, look at our military moms. She will push you and stress you out, and throw tantrums, but YOU are the grown up, so act like one and don't let her make you mad. Believe me by 2 she KNOWS where your buttons are at and how to play with them.

Answer 5

you can be a good mother and still set boundaries with your child. it doesnt make you a terrible mother for disciplining your child.

kids need boundaries otherwise they are going to behave this way, hit, throw trantrums because they know how to get their own way and you have never expressed authority. co sleeping is a bad idea, once every now and again if they are sick or scared can be ok but its not good for their development. what happends when she gets older and you want her to sleep in her own bed, too late she isnt going to under stand why, start laying down some rules, including sleeping in her own bed alone!