I am 26 years old, and my husband took his own life 2 months ago. We did not have any children, and we were separated for over a month before it happened. I was prepared to file for divorce bc I he was addicted to drugs & alcohol and it was ruining our lives. I am ready to date other men, but I feel so guilty because I feel like it might be hurtful to his family and make it hard for them to grieve. I haven't talked to my inlaws much since my husbands death, but I do still love them and I don't want to cause them any more pain. I have been dating someone for a few weeks, but I have basically kept our relationship a secret. I really like him and he's a great guy. He knows my situation, but I feel like its not fair to him because I am holding back due to the stress in my life. I think I worry too much about what other people think, but I just don't want to give the impression that I didn't love my husband. A lot of people won't understand why it's so easy for me to move on.
2007-12-10 17:24:19 · 6 answers · asked by Starting over 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I just wanted to add that my husband had a lot of "demons" in his life. He has always been an alcoholic, it just got worse after a while. He started doing drugs probably a year before he died. He got mixed up with people he worked with everyday, and he was always a follower. He only did drugs when he drank first, but then it got really bad. He hit rock bottom... pawned his things (and mine), lost me, lost his truck, eventually lost his job and turned a lot of people against him. I honestly believe that the drugs had a lot to do with his ultimate decision to commit suicide because although he had threatened it before, he never acted on it till he was broke and coming off the drugs. He depended on me way too much, and when I was not there to "fix" things, I suppose he felt that he couldn't go on with his life.
2007-12-10 17:51:56 · update #1
Your husband indulged in drugs and alcohol. He committed suicide without caring for your safety and well being. He just abandoned you to your fate.It is your greatness that you are caring for the feelings of his relatives.
You may keep your present relationship a secret for some more time, as you like, and then go ahead to make your life in your own way.
2007-12-10 17:37:08 · answer #1 · answered by yogeshwargarg 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just because you are seeing someone else doesn't mean you have moved on. You are very likely dating on the rebound here. It is probable that you have a big hole in you that you are desperate to fill and that this new person is what works for right now.
There is nothing to feel guilty about having this new relationship if it is what you want to do. You can't make other people happy anyway, so living your life to their standards will not only disappoint them (because it will never be enough) but you are also cheating yourself because nobody else can do what you want to do with you but yourself. Don't beat yourself up too much, and try to remember that it's ok to enjoy something even though everyone else thinks you should be mourning. However you are feeling is how you are supposed to be feeling. Nobody else can tell you how you should be feeling, or what you should be doing.
There are a few things to know here, and the most important thing is that what your husband did was not your fault. Nothing you did, or could have done, could have changed what happened. It simply had nothing to do with you, and is a more unfortunate part of the disease of drug-addiction.
This relationship you now are in is probably not going to work out. On a positive note, you will probably get out a lot of insecurities and you will probably do some things that are completely unrecognizable to your senses of who you are. When you are done with this relationship I would suggest going to an Al-Anon meeting. (but of course, why wait? you could go now)
Al-Anon meetings are easy enough to find by calling the 800 number that can be found by doing a simple web search. They help us to deal with the effects that someone else's addiction has had on us. His suicide is one of those, and there are people there that have dealt with that too. They can show you how to live the life that you always dreamed of. I know that your life is not what you thought it would be. Despite how you were raised you thought your life was going to be different, and when you see how it's turned out you may want to give up, or just be crazy, but that's normal too. Just go to a meeting and hear them out. There is a better way to live and they can show you how. They can show you how to put life back into your life.
Good luck!
2007-12-11 01:46:51 · answer #2 · answered by princessdemeesa2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is dead, and you have a life. Forget about the limits that some of these norms will place on you. It does not work in all cases. You have known the guy a while. You have your happiness to secure. Your husband is ok and his family are fine. What about YOU?
2007-12-11 01:30:59 · answer #3 · answered by highthoughts 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do whatever makes you happy
you had problems in your relationship before he committed suicide.
you two were going to break up anyway. they only difference now is that he isnt here to get mad and stalk you and your new boyfriend.
the family should understand; after all, you had a rough relationship and just want a new start
2007-12-11 01:29:29 · answer #4 · answered by Kenna Coconut™ Actorasauress Rex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
three months of mourning is long enough
2007-12-11 01:27:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF YOU FEEL IT ISN'T TOO SOON THEN DO IT. I DO WORRY THAT HIS FAMILY MIGHT NOT BE READY FOR IT .
2007-12-11 02:00:22 · answer #6 · answered by Darla 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋