Do I need to be slapped?

Question

I've been working for the same company for 10 years now. About a year ago the company hired a new secretary. (we'll call her Gail. Of course, that's not her real name) At first I really didn't pay to much attention to her. She was just the "new girl on the other side of the building". About 3 months after she started I met her. It wasn't anything special I just had to make a delivery to someone in her department but since that person wasn't in his office I left the package with her. She was very nice and rather personable. For the next month I really didn't think to much about her. While walking into the lunch room one day I notice that she was sitting by herself and I decide to sit a few seats away from her. We started talking and before I knew it, we had talked through our entire 1 hour lunch break. Needless to say, we had hit it off pretty good.

Over the course of the next few months I would occasionally take a "detour" so that I could spend a little time with her and would try to line up my lunch breaks so that we would have lunch at the same time.
I found myself quite "captivated" by her.
One day while passing by her desk I noticed that she was rubbing her shoulder. I asked her, if she was alright and she told me that she had taken a little spill on a wet floor. I walked up behind her and started massaging her shoulders. She seem to be really enjoying it so I kept at it for several minutes. After I finally stopped she said, "you're hired".lol

But since that time whenever I see her, I have the desire to physical touch her. Whether it's a gentle rub on the back or just simply touching her arm I just can't pass by her with out touching her. I honestly believe that she is enjoying this as much as I do.
About 2 weeks ago her and I were the last ones in the office area that she works in. I was helping her put on her coat. After she had slipped her arms into the sleeves she spun around and there we were...6 inches apart with our eyes lock onto each other. My heart was thumping so hard I thought that it was going smash right through my rib cage. It pretty much took everything that I have not to "take her" right on the spot. It would be safe to say that we have developed feelings for each other but
as of to date we have not slept together or even kissed.

You see, Gail is married. For about 8 years now and has 2 children. From what I can figure out her and her husband seem to be getting along just fine. That's to say, they have no real conflicts that I can see. She never says any thing negative about him.

One part of me wants to hold onto her and never let go. But I also have this "little voice" in the back of my heading screaming that I should really put some distance between us because this isn't the right thing to be doing.
FWIW I'm 38 and she is 33.
Constructive opinions only-Please.

I just like to thank all of you who answered my question. While I don't think that office romance's are necessarily a bad thing. messing around with a married person is never acceptable under any circumstance. I keep thinking about her husband and how he would feel...
I know how I felt in the past when my heart was broken to say it hurts is an understatement.

Answer 1

I would have to say that you are right to think you need to keep some distance between you and her. That isn't to say that you two shouldn't be friends, but that is all it should be. Friends, but if you find yourself thinking to much about her, draw back and look at it from the perspective you have now.

You know she's married, and therefore "Off the market", sad but true, and no matter how much either of you feel a certain way, don't contribute to something negative happening within her relationship, because it just may backfire and then neither of you will be better off for that.

I know how you feel, but staying her friend and being there for her, is at times more valuable and cherished, and she may need that, more than extra drama.

If you want to keep your friend, then don't take it any further, I'm sure you both enjoy each others company but keep it simple, and don't complicate the situation for anyone. If her situation changes, just be there for her first, and don't jump the gun, in the long run that won't help either.

You know the answer, but I hope in some way the suggestions given help you to see that, yes people do develop feelings for one another, especially within a male/ female relationship, but she's not yours, and my suggestion is not to take her from someone else. Everything will work out the way it should, and maybe you are yearning for that attention, and she catch your eye at the wrong time in both your lives.

Best of luck and keep your friend!
:-)

Answer 2

no you shouldn't be slapped. you can't help who you are attracted to and because you haven't actually DONE anything with her (although, you need to stop giving back rubs cuz that can be seen as something not very friend-like), you aren't in the wrong. however, you should step back. you don't want to be put on the spot where you want to "take her" again. she is, unfortunately, a married woman with kids, and no matter how much you like her, it would be wrong of you to be the "other man" and be the reason she is ruining her marriage.

i'm sorry, i understand this might not be the answer you were looking for, but considering she is married and has KIDS (which provides a greater emphasis/importance on her marriage), you shouldn't try to pursue her, and i have the feeling that even just spending time with her (as you have been doing) will lead to SOMETHING, so it would just be best if you just step back. if her marriage falls apart, you can be there to help her, and you wouldn't have been a reason for the break-up. but until then, just step back, start dating other people, and try to let go.

Answer 3

Maybe you should get a slap UPSIDE your head. But let it be said that desire can lead to a situation which is dangerous for both of you. She has her niche with a husband and two children . Accept that and move on. There are many women who would like to meet a 38 year old virile free man .

Answer 4

Avoid her and do NOT act on your impulses. She is off limits even if that is not the signal she is giving you. Work place affairs are dangerous. It could not only cost you your job but she could come back and call it sexual harassment. It just isn't worth it. I would not pursue her at all. It can only lead to heartache and drama. Best of luck!

Answer 5

well first of all i don't believe that she can be happily married and behave the way she does with you......happy married people don't go around looking for other people to make them "more happy". you go out of your marriage when things are not going well and you go out and search for what is missing in your marriage. you don't need to be slapped you did not know that she was married until later. she is the one that needs to be slapped. all she has to do is to talk to her husband and find what she sees in you, in him.