will we ever be ok again??/?

Question

A while back my husband and I were going through a really rough patch and we split up for a while. during that time I strayed..... I know it was really stupid and I regret it more than anything. We got back together and things have been good for over a year and he recently found out. Now things have gone down hill. We will be fine for a week or so then its a blow up. I know I hurt him more than I can imagine, but I want to get back to the good we were having before this came out. I get so mad when he brings it up but then I feel so guilty for being mad. I just want to get back to normal, whatever that is..... Please help!!!

Answer 1

What he is needing from you is heart felt apology. It is not about how many times you have apologized it is about receiving, knowing and believing you are sincerely sorry.

Remember trust was broken. So when things start getting sideways. Stay calm ~ remember it is not about you it is about the unhealed pain he is still feeling.

If you are still willing to work on the marriage then here is my suggestion that worked for me and several of my friends.
We studied on this for months on end and each left our husbands to the Lord but sought out ways to honor, revere, and submit to our husbands. It worked and all of us have husbands that are crazy about us, want to spend time together, and now go out of their way to be thoughtful, giving and kind to us.

Read this over openly ~ Ask God for revelation.

Proverbs 14:1 New International Version
The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Proverbs 1:5 Amplified Version
The wise also will hear and increase in learning, and the person of understanding will acquire skill and attain to sound counsel [so that he may be able to steer his course rightly]—

Proverbs 26:12 New International Version
Do you see a man wise in his own eyes?
There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Ephesians 5:33 King James Version
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Ephesians 5:33 Weymouth New Testament
Yet I insist that among you also, each man is to love his own wife as much as he loves himself, and let a married woman see to it that she treats her husband with respect.

God was speaking to the man when HE said to love his own wife so it takes God to give the man revelation on doing it.

God was speaking to the woman when HE said to revere, respect and submit to your husband. As you do these things it opens the door for God to speak to your husband even if he does not know God.

1. NOTICE HIM: pays attention, courteously, favor, find things he wants to talk about: hobbies, favorite things
2. REGARDS HIM: careful attention or notice, heed, consideration – what does my husband like.
3. HONOR HIM: highly regard or esteem, glory, fame, credit, an outward token or sign. Never put him down. (People rise only to what they think you believe in them)
4. PREFER HIM: to give priority to; to choose over others (opinion)
5. VENERATE HIM: we venerate that which we judge objectively to be of great worth, as a great man, or ancestors, a holy person, a sacred object. Someone or something to be worshipped or adored.
6. ESTEEMS HIM: to have a high opinion of; value greatly.
7. DEFERS TO HIM: to yield to the opinion or decisions of another. HE WINS I DON’T
8. PRAISES HIM: to elevate or magnify a person; the speaking of compliments; the glorifying and honoring of a god; ruler, or hero; an expression of approval or commendation.
9. LOVES & ADMIRES HIM: loves deep devotion or affection for another person; a sexual passion for another person; a very great interest in; the enjoyment of someone.

Philippians 2:3 New International Version
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Philippians 2:3 Amplified Bible
Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit and empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than and superior to himself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves].

Philippians 2:3 New Living Translation
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

Philippians 2:4 New International Version
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:4 Amplified Bible
Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others.

Philippians 2:4 New Living Translation
Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Matthew 7:24, 25, 26, 27 Amplified Bible
So everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts upon them [obeying them] will be like a sensible (prudent, practical, wise) man who built his house upon the rock.
And the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.
And everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not do them will be like a stupid (foolish) man who built his house upon the sand.
And the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell--and great and complete was the fall of it.

*Make his coming home very special and peaceful.
*Don't let him see you getting ready. It takes away the desire.
It causes couple to become too familiar.
Remember dating you were not seen in your bathrobe, curlers, unmade up. It gave a eliment of surprise and looking forward too.

Answer 2

Have you tried to calmly talk to him? Try to explain to him that what you did was stupid and that you regret it more than he'll ever know. Tell him you are sorry for hurting him and that you'd take it back in a heartbeat if you could.

His lashing out at you is his way of dealing with his pain and anger over the situation. If he doesn't respond well to a calm discussion, then he will probably never get over the situation and there isn't much hope for you. In his eyes, you betrayed his trust.

It could also be that he strayed also, but isn't man enough to tell you he did and his lashing out is because of HIS guilt. The only other thing you might try is therapy, but this will only work if BOTH of you go into it with open hearts and minds.

Answer 3

Personally I don't know what is the problem that both of you are facing. But to me if a marriage couples can split up for certain times, it is not a healthy signs. Anything can happened within this period and the relationship may take a worse turn.
Maybe both of you should have an open discussion to see if there is any way to salvage this relationship. If not, maybe both of you can consider to go for marriage counselling

Answer 4

You need to found out if he slept with someone, if you did then the odds are he did to. If he did not then I'm sorry to say he will never forget what you did. If you have never been cheated on you can't know the pain and hurt you have caused your husband. It cuts so deep into your soul that it gets unbearable to think about. It's like being tortured every time it pops in your head and it's something you can't control. You can't get mad at him for bringing it up he needs to talk about it with you,and you need to let him say what ever he wants to say to you. Talk it out if you don't then he will never get over it and you two will never get to the point where you want it to be.
If he wants to call you every name in the book then let him he is angry as hell at you and he needs to get that out. If you want your husband back you better be prepared to go through hell and back in order for your husband to heal himself. You say you love your husband then let him vent for as long as it takes. Forget about how good it was before he found out about what happened that time will never be again because your husband has changed forever thanks to you. He isn't that nice naive man you once knew he is now a hurt untrusting unforgivable husband with an attitude. It will take a very long time for him to get to a point where he can look at you without thinking about the other man. Most husband can't get passed that image.

Answer 5

TALK with him. Communication is the only thing that will work you guys past the breach of trust and onto firmer footing.

Consider professional counselling, as well. Since it seems that things get bottled up for a week then explode in a fight, it sounds like you're not communicating and need to work on that.

Answer 6

If you want things to go back to normal then you and your husband both need to sit down and compromise, agree to get some marriage counseling, and get help together. The two of you will not overcome these problems if you don't have someone there to sort them and help you both through them.

Answer 7

As long as your husband knows that your will be loyal to him, then everything should turn out to be fine. You guys were separated at that time, but the past and the past and he should not dwell upon it, since you are with him. If there is constant fighting all the time, you'll have to talk to him one-on-one about the relationship and where it will end up because if you guys keep arguing, you both will end up suffering.

Answer 8

Speaking as a person who has had this happen to them I dont think it will be the same. I dont think its the same with me. Like someone else said the trust is just gone. Its gone with me. Im always wondering whats going on and assume the worst. I tried to let it go but it doesnt work

Answer 9

let me get this straight, you had a fling while the two of your were separated? if that's what it is, and the person you had a fling with is not even in the vicinity of being in the picture, then what happened in the separation stays in the separation. otherwise, you're just going to be sitting there wondering if and when he's going to do the same thing to you.

go to marriage counseling in order for either of you to know if this is ever going to be ok.

Answer 10

Well honestly, you made your bed, and now you have to lie in it.

If you and your husband are both committed to saving your marriage, I think that you and your husband both would benefit from marriage counseling. Also, for marriage counseling to work, you BOTH have to be willing to work at it. And to listen when your husband is talking with you, and he needs to listen to you.

Also if your marriage is to be saved, it will take time.

Answer 11

Can I encourage a good Christian marriage counselor...you two have a lot going for each other and are trying.