what would you do about my ex-husband ?

Question

Okay, I was briefly married to this idiot and and we had a daughter together. We got divorced when she was 9 months old. Now, she is 6. She was born premature and had respitory distress at birth. My new husband and I don't smoke, but when she goes to my ex's home, they do. He is remarried as well and has a baby due at the end of the month...and she is still smoking . I have told them both not to smoke when my daughter is there and of course they tell me they won't but they always do. Another thing is that here, she has her own rook and a full sized 4 poster bed. There, she sleeps on a matress on the floor. It's awful! We have lawyers that go back and forth, we even have a "guardian ad litem" who is a court appointed attorney that is supposed to respresent our daughter's best interest. She has never even talked to my child. she talks to me and my ex. she also thinks that his house is a fine place for my daughter to be. what can i do about this?

here are some other points. the new wife as i said is due any day. well, everytime my daughter goes there, i send a lunch box FULL of enough food that won't spoil for 3 days because the wife tells my daughter when my ex is not present that the food and drinks in the fridge are "for her and the baby". She will not wash my daughter's clothes while she is there on long visits, Avery tells me she has on the same undies for 5 days or longer. my ex drives a truck, so when he gets her on the weekends, he mostly sleeps and the wife is in charge of Avery. Avery has never come home and told us "my daddyand I did...." she says her new step sister who is 13 takes care of her. Helps her in the shower, puts her to bed, helps get her breakfast and all. but she never says anything aout her dad, and all she says about the wife is mean stuff.

here are some other points. the new wife as i said is due any day. well, everytime my daughter goes there, i send a lunch box FULL of enough food that won't spoil for 3 days because the wife tells my daughter when my ex is not present that the food and drinks in the fridge are "for her and the baby". She will not wash my daughter's clothes while she is there on long visits, Avery tells me she has on the same undies for 5 days or longer. my ex drives a truck, so when he gets her on the weekends, he mostly sleeps and the wife is in charge of Avery. Avery has never come home and told us "my daddyand I did...." she says her new step sister who is 13 takes care of her. Helps her in the shower, puts her to bed, helps get her breakfast and all. but she never says anything aout her dad, and all she says about the wife is mean stuff.

Answer 1

Get your child's doctor to write a note to your attorney about her health problems. Ask your daughter to tell you if they smoke around her with closed doors and windows. Document
times they smoked and call family services to get involved. They will talk to your ex because of her health issues. Guardian ad litems are usually just volunteers appointed by the court. You need a good family attorney. Smoking around
a sick child is form of abuse. This is detrimental to her health.
They probably won't do anything about the sleeping arrangement as long as the house is clean and she has blankets and pillows. You can also request a new guardian
and inform the judge that your guardian has not talked to your daughter. Family services will give you advice and tell you what they can do for your problem. Good Luck!

Answer 2

I think you should get a note from Avery's doctor that she is not to be around smoke and send copies of it to your ex, his wife, your attorney, the judge, everybody!

Write to the attorney and ask her to make a couple of unannouced visits to check on the smoke situation. If she refuses, get another attorney.

Since your husband is absent so much, perhaps, you could ask the wife if she wants to shorten the visits since she is due soon and for a bit after the baby is born.

Is it possible to have the visit changed to when he is there? I'd ask the attorney about that.

Joy to you!!

Answer 3

It sounds like you are pretty well screwed except for one thing. The smoking is threatening the health of your child. Maybe the best bet is to see if your child can somehow talk directly to the judge handling the case. Maybe hearing from your daughter would influence the judge. It couldn't hurt and it might be your only option.

Answer 4

first, take this guardian ad litem and go get two different doctor's opinions about what is the best for your daughter's health.

then represent your case to a lawyer.

look into social services as far as deeming your ex's home as a proper environment for your daughter to be in for any length of time.

if any or all of these back up your case as far as what you want for your daughter, then start making a fuss.

look, i understand your daughter's health problems, and the environment that you have described as your ex husband's. but isn't it damaging her health to not let her see her father on a regular basis, and to be caught in the middle of this smoking feud you have going on?

Answer 5

it is not going to get any better with you fighting about it. it is what it is. if your daughter gets seriously ill going there, then you have a right to have a fit. BUT if it's just "the principle of the thing" get over it. she will survive and she will reach a point where she doesn't want to go over there if she has to sleep on the mattress on the floor. but she's 6 and it's like a campout right now. i think you need to chill out or you're going to push your daughter away as the "over protective, tried to keep me away form my dad" mom. it's not a contest, but you sure as hell are making it into one. i'm sure i won't win the "best answer", but i bet it's the "most right" answer...

Answer 6

See if you can talk to the attorney's superior - or to the court - because the smoke is clearly not in your child's interests. Maybe the kid's doctor could help, too.

Answer 7

Well nothing really. He is her father and is allowed to raise her as he sees fit when she is with him. As long as he is not abusing or neglecting her and is not participating in any illegal behavior, he has the same rights you do. I agree, its no place for a child to be, but he really isn't breaking any laws.

Answer 8

Even if he were to get her a bed, you'd still feel your is better. I have this feeling that no matter what he will do, you'll do it better.

if the bed situation over there bothers you, you go out and buy her a bed for there too

Answer 9

really nothing. all you can do is ask them not to for her sake. even if you took it to courts they may still do it. just keep asking them not too.. good luck