Going through a strange emotional roller coaster. Confused!?

Question

I met my husband 2000... got married 2001 ...and had her son 2004. Everything seemed ok but my husband i very negative at times... pessimist in other words. I am a very happy person...always set goals and try to achieve them.. I was never controlled by anyone and always made my on decisions.Never was into boys etc...always career..and my husband knows and trusts me for that. But I am just getting tired of my wedding. I feel no interest in sex with him... I approach him for a slow dance or anything romantic..he just does'nt mke the effort... I am compromising for my child. I am 27 now and after the baby I gained a lotof weight...but gradually started to lose it and i feel so many unmarried men are attracted towards me.. I try to keep them at their place but sometimes getreally depressed that this is how i will be living for the rest of my life. Please dont suggest to talk to my husband...did that several times but he is very non serious about it..what should i do?

He is also under the influence of this his parents and sister. I just catnt live like this... anything i want to do... i have to deal with his interfearing family. I am just breaking down... is thereanyine who is going thru asimilr experience? I am planning to continue tis silence treatment... he is feeling guilty but i just dont feel like forgiving him

I just can't stop crying...Such beautiful replies. I sacrificed a lot of things... for my child and my family..I dont regret that.. I will try to follow the advice.. I hope it works. I am at the moment silent and he is realizing it... I am creating a normal envirnoment in the house for my child but only he knows that my wife is not the same. Actually, ever since i started losing weight... I have been offered several TV projects (my prior field) and I am pursuing that... i feel he is also getting a little insecure. He should;nt though cuz i am not characterless. But i can;t just give justify things all the time. Now i am doing what i have to do. Please pray for me... I am fighting with my innerself to save this marriage.

Answer 1

Go to marriage counseling. Seriously. Even if he won't go with you. The counselor will give you tools on how to improve your marriage. Tell your husband that you want him to come too and that you believe your marriage is on the rocks.

Answer 2

Well I was in a simular situation so my suggestion would be to go back to the begining were it all was happy time. Alot of time people dont take the time to look back and see were they have change. After you figure out the changes and the scarifices that you have made both good and bad then pursue. What mean by that is do some of those thing that captured the romance and happiness in the begining. Be spontanious for sexual pleasure for you and for him. Call him up some time and talk dirty, pick different places and time to make love to one another have role play just anything that might get the spark back. Dont allow outsiders via in-laws friends and anyone you know that might be around to point out are agree with some of the negativity that you believe is going on approched this one by yourself with help from someone who dont know you. Also find out some of his major intrest and make plans to do those even if you hate them give anything a chance that may be good for the marriage. Dont focus on the bad and try to get past the bad by not talking so much about it to people. Dont accept defeat. Dont let him change anything good about yourself cause he is so negative. Stand your ground in what you belinve in be a little more demanding about your needs and inforce them. Then as you do this he has to maybe be told some of the thing that you want done and make him do it. I know that a women want a men to do the things on his own but some guys just need a push. Have a talk with his family by your self and tell them how they are affected you marriage and that you will not have that, just make a stand for you him and the baby. But remember do everything in a loving manner and dont argue if they respnde negative are rudely just move on to the next member. And pick and choose your battle very passionatley but with respect and integrety. Dont talk down are at anyone and take the time to ask why. And last but not least pray like you never have on how to handle every situation. Please responde and keep me posted on the good changes. Remember you loved hiom enough to marry him and you already have made the best decision ever and that trying to get help before you just walk away. I know that this sounds like alot but remember you asked and he is the father of your kids a your husband and you took a vowel to do these things. GOD bless you

Answer 3

Kash,
Please understand that you want to now run away from your marriage, not your husband. It is perfectly fine, sometimes people feel they are not getting what they want now but something outside are more exciting. Please understand this. The reason for a build up of all these feelings is basically that you feel you missed out excitement in life earlier, now that young men are eyeing you, you feel you could do so. You want to do so. And you also feel your orientation towards career and taking decisions by self all make you an independent, self sufficient woman. So you feel why not you try something yourself. And there is a fault in the society also because single women are projected as having the time of their lives now. It is only natural that a person like you who is attractive, self sufficient and career-driven feel to do something adventurous. But you have grown up with values. And you feel you cannot do wrong to your husband. So you are giving more importance to the points you mentioned as problems in your marriage to try and justify your feelings. Dear, no need for all that. If you think you want to go out and experience the world in the company of those many young men who are eyeing you now, please go ahead and take the decision.
But please note this much. Those guys outside will continue to look for girls or women attractive to them. And many will be there also. You may get ditched by them after a while. Then of course you can also meet new people and make new relations. But the cycle will just go on like that. You will not have permanency, much of your time will be used up for more and more severe emotional roller coasters in life.
First decide, whether you want to go out and experience the good and the bad of the wild world outside or whether you want to continue to face the good and bad of the safer world in your marriage now. Once you decide this, take further steps.
It is easy to find faults with someone or something when we dislike.
Talk to a counsellor once you decide. They will guide you.
In the meanwhile, take care. And take care your child does not get affected by all these until you take decisions regarding the future.
And dont feel guilty, all these things happen in life. It is just that we need to know what is the more appropriate thing to do.
All the best. :-)

Answer 4

you need to see about getting him into counseling and perhaps that may help. I will give you a site which may help you both but if you are not happy in the relationship it either has to be fixed or you need to get out and find another person to make you happy. It is better for the kids to be with one happy parent than two who are unhappy for any reason. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 5

Come on! You women say the same thing in every one of these questions! It's always "I'm miserable!" "he's not doing what I want!" "I am thinking about (or actually) cheating!" and "His family is interfering!"
Guess what? Marriage should be forever. Your only problem is that you are BORED in the marriage, because it's with ONE man, and you are making excuses.
As for the "interfering" family. It's his life too, and his family...and they are going TO BE AROUND!

Answer 6

Send him back to his family since he acts like he can't function without them anyway.