I am only 22 years old and lost my husband this past summer due to a 4-wheeler accident. I started getting tattoos in memory of him after he pasted away. During the process I met the tattoo artist whom I am currently dating. I wasn't looking to date anyone so soon, it just happened. I still love my husband very much, but I am also feeling so alone. The guy that I am dating is 11 years older than I am, and lives two hours away. On the weekends everything is great but during the week when I go back to school he only calls and talks to me for maybe 5 min a day. He has also told me that he loves me. I don't know what to think of all of this. My heart has already been broken and I don't think that I can go through much more. IS this guy for real or is he just using me?????
2007-12-10 14:21:36 · 28 answers · asked by Dragonfly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He knows you aren't over your husband, it sounds like he knows he's Mr Right Now and he's fine with that. He may have said he loves you because he knows it feels good to hear it but even if he did love you I doubt this would be a long-term love. It's too soon and you have more healing to do before you find your next true love.
2007-12-10 14:25:30 · answer #1 · answered by Jen70 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi the first thing I can say for starters what u did wrong from the beginning was rushed into something else way too fast. I would say dat always be a stupid move however in yours not really still greiving but same time to far now just getting out of something so serious you shouldn't even be on being with someone else when you say you lost your husband him making it to be your husband meant you really loved him how you loose one and jump back into another that fast. however if he makes you happy thats a great thing just don't go looking for more than what has already been put out on the table. I mean do you know his life all around when you two depart like does he have a wife or kids or other women is it sex everytime you see him the signs right there and you will know don't let him get to close to your heart to where you are to blind to see the truth. Honestly its cool to have a friend or whatever just for that comfort here and there but you need time to vent and mend that heart before you let someone else in and know that you can't want a man and not have to NEED him in your bed there is a diference!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-10 22:35:28 · answer #2 · answered by fury_marie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are still on the rebound and the fact that this tattoo guy has placed permanent art on your body of the very person that you miss has somehow created some type of wierd, vulnerablity bond. While you were getting these memory tattoos were you spilling your all about what these tattoos mean and describing what type of guy he was? Does tattoo man seem almost the same way but just a bit less? Do you a favor, lay off the tats, spend some time alone, go see a movie with friends/family. Just do you for a bit. Best wishes.
2007-12-10 22:54:35 · answer #3 · answered by zurc137 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult to tell what place this guy is in.
You are still grieving over your husband, and it may take a while. If you want the companionship of this guy, and he can emotionally support that you are going through a lot, that is good. If it seems like an extra burden, seek out other local friends and family for company. This guy may just be part of your life at the moment for a reason.
2007-12-10 22:27:05 · answer #4 · answered by M G M 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's not the only one using someone. You haven't given yourself time to grieve your husband's death, and are looking to fill in the hole that that has left in your life with the first man that came along. You need to step back, and take a good look as to why you went into this relationship so quickly. You shouldn't just be with him because you don't want to be alone - that's not fair on him, or yourself. And you can't give this relationship your all, when you still love your husband. You haven't given yourself time to heal, to find yourself, before being part of a couple.
Please take care of yourself.
2007-12-10 22:34:49 · answer #5 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be that he loves you, but it's more likely that he's using you for sex. Honestly, it sounds like you could use some using someone else for sex right now too - it's a two-way street and you sound awful lonesome. As long as neither of you are attached, let it be what it is for the moment: if there's more there than sexual attraction and companionship, so be it; if not, this fellow has helped you through a difficult time.
2007-12-10 22:28:08 · answer #6 · answered by chick2lit 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You haven't given yourself enough time to recover from the loss of your husband.
Rather then having sex with this guy, I think you need to tune it down a notch and start your healing/grieving process. You're not fully over your husband and you're substituting sex for love because you miss the love you had with your husband.
Sadly, you're in a vulnerable position, I don't think you should stick to having sex and being with this guy, not at a time like this when your heart is still hurting from the loss of your husband.
I think you should keep him as a friend but nothing more, at least not now. Right now you need to focus on making "you-time" and learning how to love yourself after recovering from the loss of your spouse.
2007-12-10 22:26:20 · answer #7 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Just my opinion, but I can't imagine talking to my girlfriend only 5 minutes a day on average. You'll be making it pretty hard for your next partner if you're covered with your lost husband's name. I realize it's from a place of love and respect, but it just creates a bond that your next partner will probably find challenging on several levels. I'm sorry for your loss.
2007-12-10 22:28:40 · answer #8 · answered by JJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably using you for sex. If he really loved and respected you then I think he would want to spend more than 5 minutes each day talking to you. Make up a reason not to have sex with him for a weekend and see how he treats you then.
2007-12-10 22:30:33 · answer #9 · answered by jeff b 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i get a questionable feeling from this. First of all, are you dating him, only because you are lonely? If so, let him go. I have the feeling you have not checked him out at all? I have the feeling your dealing with a married man. So make sure your not using each other, for this is how he feels, which in his eyes makes it ok. Either check him out, or get out, it is only natural to deal with loneliness now, but by doing this, you are hindering the natural process and possibly putting your emotions at further risk. Please, tread carefully.
2007-12-10 22:57:44 · answer #10 · answered by ferochira 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋