Should I tell her he's cheating?

Question

I met him a couple of years ago through my boyfriend. We all became friends and hung out. A year later I met his wife. She lives in another state because he is in the military. After a few months his wife and I became good friends. She doesn't know he has been carrying on an affair and is now living with his mistress. The wife is waiting and believes he will come home to her around Christmas. I feel horrible about this. If I talk, I will lose him as a friend. If I keep quiet and the wife finds out I knew, I will lose her as a friend. And, if I do say something and they patch things up, there is a chance I could lose both of them. Or, should I cut myself loose now and contact them in a couple of years to see how they're doing?

Answer 1

What a situation!! I feel so bad for the wife because of the lies he has been telling her, but sometimes, although it is hard, its just best to keep your nose out of it, or decide if you can be friends with somebody who does this to their spouse. If you are still with your bf though and they are friends I would reccomend just staying out of it, and possibly distancing yourself from them. There is the possibilty that she might suspect although she has said nothing to you about it.
I wouldn't sever all ties immediately, because it would deffianetly look suspicious. I say do a slow cut off and contact them in a couple of years. This is a situation that they need to resolve on their own with no outside interferance.

Answer 2

Yeah no doubt about it, that is a tough situation...but you have to put yourself in her shoes for this....If that was you and you had no idea and living your life on trust that your husband is being honest and faithful and had no clue of what is really happening, would you want someone...who is suppose to be a close friend to call and tell you something like this....If you really break it down and try to get real simple abou the whole situation then it really isn't too hard to figure out...How good of a friend is he to you anyway....If he is cheating on someone you think is a good friend and someone who is suppose to be his best friend as well as a wife, then how does he treat his friends??? I think if you and her are really close like you say, then going over there sometime and sitting down with her to talk about it, would show her that you are a true friend that values her emotions....Just be sure that if you make that decision you are ready to tell her that she can count on you for support during the whole fall out...and no matter what she decides you would be there for her....If at all possible I would try and have her not tell the husband how she found out, just maybe use the whole.."I've had my suspensions and now I have proof" kind of bluff.....I don't know if I was any help, but good luck...

Answer 3

i think you should but I tell you what she won't want to here it from you... I would say to her husband... You have exactly 10 days to tell her that you have been having an affair or I will I don't want to loose you as a friend but I also don't want you wife to be hurt... Have you met the mistress?? perhaps you can have a word to her and let her know that he has a wife waiting for him at home... The wife can relocate wherever her man is and they will find her a job... I feel sorry that you are in the position it must be hard to know what the right thing is to do but I will tell him to tell her or you will do it... either way she needs to know her man is a lying sack of $hit

Answer 4

You should put yourself in her shoes. Would you want your good friend to tell you your hubby is having an affair? I know I would. Your afraid of losing him as a friend. Knowing that your a friend of both, he shouldn't have put you in this position to start with. Do what you feel is the moral thing to do. A friend of yours is being lied to, cheated on, and God knows what else. Be there for her.

Answer 5

there is also the chance that she suspects he may be cheating because he is so far away and she may be ignoring that also.
Perhaps the best way would be an anomamous letter to her so that she does find out but you are not putting yourself in the middle. It really isn't fair for him to be married and have an affair and personally, I am not sure that I would consider this man a friend.

Answer 6

is there any way you could inform her anonymously this woman really needs to know, i mean what if she ends up getting HIV/AIDS, cause of this slimeball or some other std, she either needs to get on with her life without him or his being busted may get them into counseling, maybe send her pictures of him with the hussy or some other proof that you could mail from another town that way she finds out and protects herself and no one knows, or just type all of the info out print wipe memory, and mail from another town near, that should do it and mail pictures if you can, then you can let her handle it from there, just make sure you don't mail it when he is home with wifie as he may intercept it and again she wont be able to protect herself by the way i don't think it would bother me if i was you to lose him as a friend, he is a creep, and is making you and your husband lie by keeping his secret for him and for that reason i wouldnt care if he found out i busted him, he has no right to drag you and your husband into his web of lies

Answer 7

I think if you can try to find out where he takes his misstress , like to movies restaurants, or anything else. Invite the wife to go out for and evening with you and take her to where you know him and his mistress will be, and let her see for herself. You can act like you didn't know about this affair . And she will see for herself and not blame you. I know if I was this woman I would want to know . She may thank you in the long run, then like you say she may not , so if you can try to let her see for herself.

Answer 8

girl man forget what he thinks she should know what is going on behind her back who cares if he don't like you he shouldn't be doin that but i have to say she may not belive it unless you have pictures or something cause no one wants to belve that their husband or boyfriend is cheating on them but i say keep the wife as a friend she'll need you more than he will she'll be needing someone to talk to when she finds out the truth

Answer 9

This is just my opinion, as a former spouse of a military member, I would definitely appreciate a head's up, it's not right and it's up to them to work it out.

Sure, you risk losing a friendship, but I would have given anything for someone, anyone, to have told me what my then husband was doing.

I don't envy you, but she's waiting on him patiently, he doesn't deserve her.

Answer 10

Please tell her. You owe it to the wife to be honest. That is what a true friend does.

You owe it to yourself to her. You will feel better about yourself.

And you owe it to no-good, cheating husband. Then he will get what he deserves. I hope his wife leaves him because of it. And I hope he loses the mistress too.