A close friend was cheating on his wife, he told me and I told her, now she won't speak to me and is cruel.

Question

He and I grew up together, she is in the picture for the past few years. My husband and I talked before I told her and we decided it was the best thing to do. She said she already suspected it, and for months she called me all day long, wanting to talk or have advice. Then all of a sudden she stopped calling me, except when she wants something. That was 2 yrs ago. They decided to stay together, she told me she was staying for his money (he has a good job), and they promptly had a 3rd kid to seal the deal, calling the child the name I had always wanted to give a child. I feel really hurt, I deleted her on facebook, I called him a couple of times, he said he would call back and never did, I don't know why it upsets me, but I feel that they treated me really badly. How can I stop letting it bother me?

Answer 1

Time heals; reason again why I don't mix in other people's marriages.

Answer 2

some people are just not worth the time, and more often than not, people like that use and abuse people like you. You can't help the hurt because you feel betrayed and wronged and it wasn't fair the way both of them treated you and stole your baby name.

Sometimes we butt into things we should just stay out of. The woman you are talking about has some self esteem issues that you completely busted wide open when you took her attention-getter (wah! i think my hubby is cheating on me so i'm going to call you all the time to cry about it) away from her and made it a reality so that she couldn't complain about it anymore. and for him, you told on him, so why would he ever trust you as a friend again?

This couple deserve eachother. They are not your real friends and you can always come up with another baby name. Give it some time and realize that sometimes there is never any closure when you have been wronged.

Answer 3

You can start by finding new friends and also try growing up. You sound very immature!

Maybe you'll think twice about telling someone what you know about their spouse. She's so in love with him, that she choose to forgive him and push you away. That happens when one is in deep denial.

About the name thing on the child, I think you just best let it go. If it's the name you always wanted, why can't you still keep it? Maybe this too, will make you think twice about shareing your future names with any friends that want children.
But really, that's petty. There are many people who have the same names for heavens sakes!!

Answer 4

The best way to sum it up is to realize that their relationship works for them both. He cheats on her, and she looks the other way. If she's in it for the money, then that's what it is. People stay in relationships for the wrong reasons all the time. She may not have had proof, but she "knew" in her heart. The fact that you found out and told her - well, you called her bluff. The fact that they chose to stay together - well, that's just underlining their total lack of moral fiber. Grin and be happy and thankful that you and your husband have a good relationship and that you're free from that "friendship". It sounded like a bunch of headaches anyway.

Answer 5

Well, inspite of good intentions , sometimes it is best to let sleeping dogs lay as the old saying goes and not butt into another couple's business.As you have now learned, the one with the good intentions is left out in the cold as a troublemaker once the couple have worked through their difficulties. Silence is golden is another one. In this case you betrayed one friend to another by sharing this information which caused more problems between them until they came to their own agreements. It is a hard lesson to learn but now you know and need to let go, accept it and move on. These situations very often end up this way with the couple shutting out the one who spilled the beans.Just accept it as one of life's lessons , learn from it and make new friends.

Answer 6

I have recently been in a similar situation. We did a favor for some friends and rented their house while they moved in with his parents to help them. It was supposed to be for 4 years but 9 months into the deal, my supposed best friend was tired of her mother in law and wanted out of the deal. We agreed to move, they gave us two weeks. When everything didn't go according to her timetable she went nuts, blaming me for all her problems, screaming messages into my voice mail and writing nasty letters. The worst part is that we attend the same church and she has been spreading nasty stories about me to the other members, which has caused all sorts of problems. It has been a year and half since this has happened and it still bothers me, especially since she will call up to chat now like nothing has happened, but still is talking behind my back.. So my advice....some people are just plain CRAZY!!! Try not to let them have control over your emotions and life...I'll try to take my own advice. Good luck!

Answer 7

It's a classic case of shooting the messenger. In some weird way, they blame you for forcing them to actually acknowledge and deal with the problem. On top of that, your knowledge of the situation is embarrassing to them, as well as a reminder of the indiscretion. She is especially upset that her husband confided in you about this. That, in itself, is construed as an emotional infidelity. This happens just about every time, under such circumstances. Don't feel bad, just learn from it and move on. If such circumstances ever come up again, don't be the messenger. It's not worth it.

Answer 8

Know that you acted out of concern for them and their family but respect that they have made a decision to stay together. In order to stay together and raise their kids in an "unbroken" home, they cannot let you into their lives without confronting the ugliness that was their past. Is he still a cheater? Probably. Does she know it? Probably. Have they made their peace with the situation. You bet. Life is long. Eventually this union may break and one of them may come back into your life if you let them. Accept it and move on.

Answer 9

Because you will always be known as "the one who told". Sorry, but you shouldn't have done that. They decided to reconcile, and if you were a a part of their life all you would be is a reminder of that incident. I am not trying to be mean. A lot of people think they are doing the right thing by telling, but it backfires. People need to mind their own affairs.

Answer 10

First, kudos for being a good person. Screw what some of these people before me said. You made a wise decision. I would have done the same. Second, you need to let them out of your lives. They obviously have issues. Seriously, they need help. I know it is hard to lose good friends, but you have to think about yourself too. If you make it a point to surround yourself with great people, your life will be so much better.

Just walk away with your head held high, knowing that you did the right thing. You are the bigger, and better person here.

Answer 11

ok how did they treat you badly. You told the wife that her husband was cheating on her and now you're upset. What are you upset about? That's their problem if they wanna work it out. Why would you let that bother you. Go find a hobby, clearly you have to much time on your hands to worry about other people's problems. Yea she stole the name you wanted to name your child... but what are you gonna do. Just find another name.