My husband has a friendship with this girl and its come to the point thats its detrimental to our marriage. We've been together for 3yrs married for 2 1/2. We have a toddler. He's know this girl for less than year.
I told him he needs to stop being around her until we can get our marriage back on track. He flat out refuses to stop being around her. He's not cheating with her but has fantasies about it. She's a lesbian with significant other.
I've probed as far as I'm willing and told him it hurts to much to stay like this and he needed to tell this friend goodbye for the sake of our marriage.He stated "I'll choose our daughter over anyone including you"
I'm glad he feels that strongly about his kid but on the same hand I feel as though he stated he's still not going to choose ME over this girl.
I'm thinking about talking to this girl privately. I don't think she's aware of the situation. Would that be a mistake?? What should I even say???
2007-12-10 13:45:18 · 15 answers · asked by ARL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have every right to defend and fight for your marriage. Talk to her nicely. Maybe she's not aware. However your husband sure doesn't sound like a stand up guy (no offense) if he's willing to throw his marriage away for anyone!! Good Luck!
2007-12-10 13:49:08 · answer #1 · answered by momontheedge 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
wow, this sucks. I am a single mother of a two year old girl(husband got into meth) and i know how devistating a divorce is or to even be thinking about one. You have good reasons to be concerned! First of all, he says that he chooses his daughter over anyone, doesn't he realize that he is risking that if you are telling him that you are going to leave him? Second, it's not like he goes back far with this girl, you have had a relationship with him longer than that. You are being very realistic about it. you didn't even tell him to stop being friends forever, you just said for now until you guys figure things out. I went to marrital counciling and maybe you should try it to. Who knows, maybe they will find you have some jealosy issues that they can help you deal with. It's cheaper if you go though a church for counsiling. I say he should kick the dyke to the curb for the sake of your marriage, but at the same time, i'm not a supporter for divorce unless really needed. You should tell your husband that because it hurts you and he isn't willing to help you with that, you are going to talk to her and maybe she will. GOOD LUCK HUN!
2007-12-10 21:57:26 · answer #2 · answered by hayleey30 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why this girl upsets you so much. She's a lesbian with a partner, so sex is not an issue. Lot's of men have fantasies about 'straightening' out a lesbian. In this case, it seems it's just that, a fantasy.
Is it because you feel he is cheating emotionally with her on you? Talking with her about your marital problems?
Sometimes people need someone to talk to about their personal problems. Someone who isn't emotionally involved.
You've thrown down the gauntlet and he's refusing to back down. Where does this leave your relationship? You both need to talk to each other, but not at the end of an 'or else'.
Ball's in your court. If you want your marriage to work, you are going to have to give in at least a little bit. You need to talk to your husband.
2007-12-10 21:53:30 · answer #3 · answered by Dan H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband that if he won't stop seeing this woman, then you want to meet her to see what is so fascinating about her. Invite the 2 women over for dinner, or include them as guests at a party. Try to get to know her a little. That should diffuse the situation. It sure did in our case. We both developed close friends of the opposite sex that interfered with our marriage. Somehow, getting to know the other person diffused the problem.
2007-12-10 22:03:22 · answer #4 · answered by old beatnik 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband is cheating on you, maybe not physically, but definitely emotionally. People hate to hear it, but maybe consider some counseling if you can get it. Do not confront the woman about this because it's not about her, it's about your husband....and, if she stops hanging out with your husband because of it, he will resent you for ruining that "friendship". You need to ask yourself if you really love this man and want to make it work or if you are just making it work because you have a baby together (remember that babies are never a reason to stay in a bad relationship).
The best of luck to you on getting your marriage back on track....but if it doesn't work out, take the baby and file custody and child support papers in your favor. This man seems to have you on the very bottom of his list and it is very difficult to live on the bottom of a priority list.
2007-12-10 21:51:50 · answer #5 · answered by JaneDoe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ive been in ur situation.....luckily my husband chose me.......u do what ever u feel is necessary to keep ur marriage together..including talking to her...just tell her that yall r working on yalls marriage and hes sooo attracted to her its ruining it.....and ask if she would stop talking to him.......she may not cooperate....which tells u u have got trouble
honestly for ur husband not to answer u by chosing u or her...hes a coward.....i think if he has fantasies about this girl...i think he wants her....other wise he would have chose u!
think about it...this girl my be a "lesbian".....but how many guys would love the opportunity to have a 3sum with 2 women.....almost everyone....and she may only be bi....which gives ur husband the opportunity he needs to make his fantasies come true.
give him an ultimatum.......and make sure he knows ur daughter is not an option
if he does chose u ...make him call her in front of u and make him tell her he wont be talking to her anymore....if ur marriage is on the line and yall r both willing to work it out then calling her will be a peice of cake.....
if he doesnt chose u...say goodbye..ill c u in court! u may want to get a divorce.....remember u are also entitled to alimony!......GOOD LUCK!
2007-12-10 21:59:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't talk to the girl, that is a really bad move, all it will do is create conversation for him and her.
I think your husband is living in fantasy land, he has forgotten that most men dream of having a wife and family that love him, that is a dream worth living....I wish I could smack him upside his head...lesbians are not interested in him unless he had a vagina, he needs to accept that, if women with other women are his thing, go buy him some porn dvds and let him watch to his hearts content, but his time & fantasies should be acted out with his wife, who is the one that actually deals with his stupid crap and is still willing to please his stupid sexual fantasies
2007-12-10 21:52:04 · answer #7 · answered by Gordito 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I 'm so sorry that you are in this situation, your husband should be mindful of your feelings. But it doesn't sound like he cares alot about your feelings and if he doesn't have respect for you and you alls marriage it's not much hope for your the survival of your marriage. Just ask him what do he wants out of the marriage and if it's not what you want maybe yall should think about getting a divorce.
2007-12-10 21:57:03 · answer #8 · answered by Sexy Red 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well ive been in similar situations, with gfs and bfs and no kid, but i think it would be best to talk to this girl on the side. if shes a humane person (and a good friend) she should realize that she needs to back off for a while.
good luck. <3
2007-12-10 21:49:08 · answer #9 · answered by Lizz L 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think you need to stop spending so much time overanalyzing the situation and get your jealousy under control.
2007-12-10 22:32:02 · answer #10 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋