First of all, kudos if you DIDN'T freak out, because for a parent that has to be a devastatingly hard reality to face that something of questionable safety occurred and what could have potentially happened had this not have been a nice young man.
The important thing at this point is that she IS safe, and this young man is TRYING to do the right thing and make sure that everyone is on good terms. If I were the parent in this situation, I would feel very fortunate my child thought we were close enough that she could disclose what she did wasn't probably the best idea, but wants to make it right for the long haul.
I would definitely agree to speaking with him. If you don't you not only leave yourself open to a harsh relationship with your daughter (which could only lead to worse transgressions of meeting someone she genuinely cares for BEHIND your back) but you also are showing your daughter that who you brought her up to be (which sounds like am amazing person) doesn't mean anything when it comes to who SHE chooses to be with.
The only thing I would be concerned about, and I would voice this to my daughter is...this boy lives in another STATE, and works 3 HOURS away. I was be concerned that this might not be the healthiest relationship since long distance relationships seldom work, especially when their as young as they are. But if she understand the relationship WILL be work, and she must disclose when she is going over state lines and when she plans to be back and there is an open line of phone communcation...I wouldn't see why there would be a huge issue.
She's 18...better to reward her for making the decision to take your opinion into consideration (when really, at 18, she holds no real LEGAL responsibility in doing) than making her feel if she's a good person or a bad person she'll be reprimanded in the same way for her choices. That just doesn't seem fair.
2007-12-10 13:28:25
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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I have two daughters one is an adult and the other is almost 17. Hang in there with the rest of us on this roller coaster called "teenagers................"
Honestly, I would not freak out. I think the description of the young man is very accurate. He sounds like the mature and gentleman your daughter is saying he is. Else he would continue to avoid you and esp your husband. I would meet him but probably put off meeting him for a little while until you can get your daughter to be completely open and honest with you.
My concern is your perception of your daughter?? And I really am not trying to be hurtful or a smart ***...but you said she would never do anything to betray you? Unless I am not reading what you are saying correctly.......she has already betrayed you. Else she would have told you about him when they decided to meet in person. Does she understand she could have met, spent time with, and brought into your other daughters home Ted Bundy #2?
Being upset or resentful towards the young man would not be my issue.....opening my eyes to the real deal with my daughter, dealing with her making a seriously frightening decision and putting my other child at risk would be my issue.
I think once you shine the light on exactly what went on and bring it to her out of concern...........she will know you are her greatest support and never ever never make this error in judgment again.
2007-12-10 13:49:29
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answer #2
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answered by T J 3
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I am the mother of a 17 year old daughter. I will give you my honest opinion on it.
Agree to speak to the both of them together. Let them know that you are disappointed. Because the first time they met they did it behind your back. Let them know that because of this they will have to earn your trust back. They lost it before it has even begun.
Give them the chance to date. After all she is 18. She does not really have to have your permission. She is requesting it though. That says alot for your daughter. She wants your approval.
Meet him, talk to him. See how it goes. Go from there. Dont be negative right off. Go into the meeting with an open mind.
2007-12-10 13:23:48
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answer #3
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answered by tiger_soccermom 1
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people are meeting people online all the time now. its just another medium rather than the club scene.
i would be a little disappointed that she didnt come to me before they met in person, but at 18 there isnt much you can do about it. she could do worse than that. ie a drunken lay about. for goodness sake he is working, he is in college and he is asking your permission.
give them a go and if it doesnt work out it will be hard but what relationship breakup isnt.
these days it makes no real difference whether they met in a park walking the dog, in a bar over a couple of drinks, or over the internet.
give them a go, if it works out fine, if not then she will move on thats what life is all about.
2007-12-10 13:25:13
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answer #4
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answered by madiesmum 6
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Yes I would agree to meet him. She is an adult and she can date. Does she know the dangers of dating someone off of the Internet. At least he came here instead of her going to him alone. This is a man that is going to ask your permission to date your daughter. Give him a chance.
2007-12-10 16:53:33
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answer #5
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answered by kim h 7
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Well,I think I would be upset to think that my daughter let someone stay with her that she met online,I mean considering the stories that we hear everyday relating to this.But I think I would want to meet this guy because either way I think the dughter would date him with or without the permission of her parents considering that she is 18 yaers old.
2007-12-10 14:22:27
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answer #6
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answered by flavagirl 5
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First, I would let her know that I was disappointed that she met and spent the night with a person she met online without really knowing who he was. Secondly, I would absolutely want to meet with him. In fact, he should have met with both you and your parents before spending any time with you alone. That having been said, I respect the fact that he wants to talk to the parents. You should, too. Parents can sometimes get vibes that their children don't. Be careful. Be smart. Good luck to both of you.
2007-12-10 13:50:00
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answer #7
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answered by Lady B 3
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Sorry but I'm not a parent. I would definitely meet with the man and get to know him, after all he might just end up being my son in law! At least he's not some old pervert with his hands down his pants I'd say it was okay.
2007-12-10 13:44:08
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Totally! You have to let her have som freedom somtime. People have to make mistakes sometime, or they won't learn anything, and besides that fact this isn't necessarily a mistake. I'd say your daughter is perfectly normal in her request, but I think it's totally strange that she complies with your need to have her date approved at the age of 18.
2007-12-10 14:58:26
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answer #9
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answered by HePunksMeNot 3
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It was irresponsible for her to sneak off to spend the night with this guy. I hope she had met him prior to this.
It is responsible of her (and him) to want to 'legitimize' their relationship now. He is not that much older than her and she does sound quite mature. If it were next year she would probably be away at college herself and you might never even know they were dating.
I would allow him to come and to ask them not to sneak around because it is deceitful. Your daughter has earned your trust aside from this) and should want to keep it that way.
2007-12-10 13:54:32
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answer #10
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answered by Ernie 5
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