Alright...long story short...my bf and I have been living together for just about 3 years, before that we had been best friends for about a year. We talk about marriage frequently, and 50% of the time, he is the one bringing it up. Yet when we ACTUALLY speak of it seriously, all he says is, "soon". But i've been hearing "soon" for 2 1/2 years. We both have stable careers, we own our house, vehicles, etc....we do not have any debt, so I know it's not a money issue....what else could it be and how long should I keep waiting for "soon" to come?
2007-12-10 13:01:04 · 17 answers · asked by Tara G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way...i'm 24 and he is 27...so, yes we are plenty old enough...
2007-12-10 13:11:32 · update #1
3 years is plenty long enough to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. He sounds unwilling to commit the rest of his life to you. It may be ultimatum time. You just have to be willing to let him go, or leave him, if he refuses to commit. If he truly loves you, then he should want to close the deal.
2007-12-10 13:07:37 · answer #1 · answered by jeff b 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Damn girl, give him a chance to propose! The more you push someone to do something the more they shy away from it. Give him a challenge and don't bring it up for a few months. The sudden lack of interest will cause a surge in his. If not, it means he's too comfortable in your situation. Only you know how long you should wait...
2007-12-10 22:51:18 · answer #2 · answered by Jaded 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should he marry you? He has all of the benefits of marriage, but doesn't have to worry about splitting his property with you or paying alimony if you break up. As the old saying goes, why buy the cow when the milk is free?
Another way to say it - when you moved in without being married, you told him it wasn't important. Why are you surprised he doesn't think it important either?
2007-12-10 21:09:35 · answer #3 · answered by rlb1961 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
he's getting the milk for free.
my husband and i had talked about marriage from the start, and i wasn't going to waste my time or his if the relationship wasn't going to go anywhere. we got married 3 days before our 4th anniversary, and that was over 2 years ago. tell him that you aren't going to waste any more time if he's not committed to the relationship. give him until the holidays are over, then cut him loose. he's not proving anything. unfortunately, you will have a house to deal with in the breakup. that's what happens when you own property together beforehand.
2007-12-10 21:10:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
this is tricky because if you pressure him, you will only end up more frustrated or he will tell you that you forced him into it.
personally, i would take the other approach, stop caring about marriage...care more about your life and other things.
i really wouldnt analyze it, you will only drive yourself crazy. is there a reason why you are worried about marriage? next time he brings it up, change the subject and act like you dont care.
there are far too many "reasons" he may be waiting. it could be just as simple as he doesnt want to be rejected or he is happy with the way things are. if things are good, i wouldnt worry about it.
good luck!
2007-12-10 21:08:38 · answer #5 · answered by chantel 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well me and my fiance dont live together and we have been together 6 years. My issue is a money thing. But the only thing that I can think of is the saying that my mom always told me "if you are giving them the milk for free they wont wanna buy the whole cow" . U already live with him , practically already married so he sees no rush into pushing the subject. With my fiance we cant wait to get married because we wanna be on our own and cant wait to sleep with eachother every night so we have something to look forward to.
2007-12-10 21:07:50 · answer #6 · answered by stilettoheels55 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
If you want to push the issue, give him a deadline to make a decision. If he is still waffling tell him that you can not go on this way and you should part ways. He probably does not want to get married because he is getting it already with no commitments.
2007-12-10 21:13:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should wait until Jan 1, 2008, New Years Day. That give him the holiday system in case he has something planned. If he hasn't proposed to you by 7 pm on NYD, then you propose to him. This is 2007 soon 2008, not 1957. Women propose all the time.
2007-12-10 21:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by old beatnik 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋
If he isnt ready dont push it. Would you rather wait a few years and have a good marriage, or push him into something he isnt ready for and have him resenting you for it. If he is thinking about it then at least you know that he wants marriage someday too.
2007-12-10 21:10:46 · answer #9 · answered by nickii3049578 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
give up for now .. if he has not ask after this long he may not.. after all you both have the benifit of marriage with out the contract.. look at it this way if he leaves.. he cant take what is yours
2007-12-10 21:37:03 · answer #10 · answered by vis 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋