I don't know what to do. I live with and am engaged to a man who is driving me crazy. He makes our lives a real roller coaster ride. He is always getting mad about situations involving money issues and also my 2 gradeschool age children, my family and my ex-husband (who I went through a child custody case with and rarely even speak to). I will be giving up a lot in terms of lifestyle for my kids by leaving, but he is very controlling and making my life extremely stressful. I'm scared though, and I don't know if I can make it on my own financially. Also, what would more changes mean for my children? When I talk about leaving, he gets really angry because I didn't try to work things out and tells me that he hates me, I am selfish etc. I have tried. I am currently in counseling (therapist said there is not much hope) and tried antidepressants. I am very easy going. It seems that he gets angry over everything. I consider myself to be a very nice, attractive person. Help!
2007-12-10 11:55:16 · 11 answers · asked by Carla 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've been living together for 2.5 years. We've been engaged for 1.5 years. I've been with him for almost 6 years. He isn't usually mean in front of the kids. He just goes out a lot when they are around. I do see signs that he wants to make things work. He does really nice things and gives me flowers and then turns around and gets really angry over things that seem irrational to me. Even though the kids' dad provides child support, he thinks that he pays for everything. He gets mad if I modify my custody schedule because he considers it as a favor to my ex, rather than an opportunitiy for the kids to spend more time with their mom. It's hard to give up because I think that there is love there and it's hard to let go. I see him trying. I think I know what to do. I just don't want to give up.
2007-12-11 04:53:36 · update #1
Tell him you will marry him when hell freezes over. Let him come to his own conclusions as to what you mean by that.
2007-12-10 11:59:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him.
Here's what you do. Leave him, have a close family member there, that you trust, to watch over the children when you discuss this with him. Tell him that marriage between the both of you would only exacerbate your problems, and that you think this is for the better for both you and your children. If anything happens to go wrong (ie: he becomes physically violent), you have your family member there to dial 911, and take care of the children.
Once you're out of the situation, apply for emergency food stamps, and look into housing assistance. That will at least help you get back on your feet, until you can find a job to support you and the kids.
I really hope you get out of this situation, because I've seen my mom go through this, and it really does take a toll on the kids. You do not want to be another tragic statistic.
2007-12-10 20:12:47 · answer #2 · answered by Brit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
come on, lady! what is your problem here, the only reason that you with him because of finance reason? First of all you shouldn't never get involve with someone that is controlling period! If you went through a lot of crap with your ex's why in the world you want to be with someone like this. He is not better than the one you split up from. He know that you have two kids so it really put a hardship on your finance resource. Now, if he has a problem with money, then he is not the one for you and you need to wake your butt up and see it for what its worth.
Try to find a place that you can afford on your own and leave this bozo. Believe this is not love and if you believe that is it then you have a real problem. So, the best thing for you to do it look for a place that is in your range and make the best of what you have for now. There is no real future with this guy, because he will one day make comments about spending too much money on your kids (which is not his) and thats when you will see more of his ulgy side. He is abuse you mental and he knows that you can't afford to make it own your own. Stop being scare and think positive about yourself ability to make it on your own. You need to be strong for yourself and your kids as well. Look to get some assitance from Human services which you're more in title too. There is no shame when you out there trying to make it with two kids and lame ex's and sorry azz boyfriend. get up and move on ...good luck
2007-12-10 20:23:15 · answer #3 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are paying a therapist money(they don't come cheap) that tells you , there is not much hope of making it work, then you come on here and ask strangers what to do. You said it your self, maybe you should read your question. HE IS DRIVING YOU CRAZY, STRESSING YOU TO THE LIMIT, he is controlling and angry. Get out while the getting is good, unless you want him to snap one of these days and hurt you, or your kids. You'll make it, living in a shoe box with your right mind would be better than living in a mansion with some crazy guy. It won't get better, only worse.
2007-12-10 20:04:55 · answer #4 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see anything in there about loving him.
I hope your not in the relationship for the financial "lifestyle" of your kids. They would prefer the loving lifestyle better.
Is it just you in counseling or both of you? Will he go? If not, why not? You not being happy should be enough for him wanting to help. Therefore, he should go to help.
Doesn't sound like your ready for marriage yet. Hopefully, the wedding isn't for a long time. How long have you to been living together?
2007-12-10 20:04:58 · answer #5 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man... you gotta get out of there. This isn't going to get any better. If fact, marry this guy and he'll no longer be on his best behavior. Wake up to this fact... this guy is on his best behavior. This is as good as it's gonna get. Get out now. Take your children and leave. Find a friend or family member who will take you in for a month or two and get on your feet. Get out now. Your safety is more important than anything else. Your children's safety is right up there with yours and it's your job to keep them safe. What you describe is not safe. Get out now.
Good luck to you.
2007-12-10 20:07:33 · answer #6 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's the rush?...Don't get married for the wrong reasons..sorry about the cliches but honestly maybe family councelling may help..or setting some groundrules..put your children first and that will lead the way to the best decision ...
2007-12-10 20:16:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd be more worried about what his getting mad and yelling at you is doing to the kids than what more changes would do, i mean the damages of the yelling is far worse than that of making changes, esspecially if they ever have to witness the times when he's yelling about them. and honestly i could never ever be with a man that got that mad over anything involving my children, you have to so what you feel is right.
2007-12-10 20:10:16 · answer #8 · answered by rickys_lil_mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what makes you happy don't worry about him or the children.. you come first and the theripist said there wasn't much hope.. Pick what ever digfnity you have left off the floor and leave... you deserve better
2007-12-10 20:02:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out before it's too late.
2007-12-10 19:59:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋