Have felt this way all year , and have recently found myself extremely attracted to someone else. I married very young, and wonder if these feelings will pass. Is 36 too young for a mid life crisis? In 20 yrs. I have never felt this way about my husband nor have I ever been attracted to anyone else. My marriage has been far from perfect , but i have always stood by my committment. However . recently this has made me very depressed. Any advice appreciated.
2007-12-10 10:19:20 · 8 answers · asked by skky 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Liking someone else is a symptom that something is wrong in your marriage, like a runny nose indicating you have a cold. If you pursue anything with this new guy it will be death for your marriage so if that's what you want then divorce FIRST, go through all the headache, the financial strain and then you will be free to date as you please. Dating while married is very distasteful.
If you think your marriage can be saved then try to save it, don't focus your energy and time elsewhere, focus it on your husband. Go to marriage counseling. You can fall back in love again, it will only happen if you try. If you try and can't save it, then at least you know you tried.
2007-12-10 10:24:29 · answer #1 · answered by Jen70 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Finding someone else attractive only happens when you are 'looking' at other people. I encourage you to recommitting your eyes, your thoughts, your body, to your husband and him alone.
From a spiritual side, the devil attacks through thoughts. His goal is to get you to think about something, then dwell on it, then fantacize about it, then act on it. You feel like you are falling out of love with your husband because you are directing those emotions away from him.
If you are a Christian, I encourage you to pick up your Bible and read Ephesians 6. If you will keep your marriage holy, you will never lose those feelings for your hubby.
2007-12-10 10:31:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those are definitely some feelings that need to be worked out, but your issue is with your husband. Those vows are still valid even though your feelings might have changed. See if you can't find out what it is about your husband or the relationship that is making you fall out of love with him. I hope you either rekindle your spark or go your separate ways so that you may enjoy the rest of your life.
2007-12-10 10:28:27 · answer #3 · answered by prissytwin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a sign of you, either coming to the realization that maybe you were never really in love with your husband. Sometimes women lose respect for their mates, which is a required component of love for a woman. A woman who does not respect her husband cannot.. cannot "Give" herself to him. At least not heart, body and soul. The body goes where the mind tells it but the heart and soul?/.... Knows the difference. That is where your depression is coming from.
THe friend now becomes an object of desire, and you give attention to him (the friend) which spells failure of the marriage. You might seek therapy to cope with your depression and try counseling with your husband to find your way back.. Keep in mind ,,,, the grass is RARELY greener on the other side of the fence. It is simply... the other side of the fence.
2007-12-10 10:24:00 · answer #4 · answered by thinkaboutmoney 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love is a complex thing and people toss out the words "in love" and "out of love" too easily.
Just because you may not have that "in love" feeling doesn't mean you don't love him. The "in love" feeling is part of the excitement of discovering who the person is and after 20 year you must have a good idea who he is. Now just because you know he so well doesn't me you don't love him. Lots of people think if they don't have the "in love" feeling then they are do not love their spouse.
You mentioned that you are also depressed. I would guess that you find your life rather boring right now or full of head aches you would much rather not deal with.
It sounds like you need to take charge of your life. Many people who reach this point try and find someone else to make their life better and in truth that person is only a bandage because the problems they made in their life follow them.
I would say find something you do not like in your life and figure out how to get rid of it for good. Getting rid of a worry or a head ache is a great feeling.
2007-12-10 10:35:16 · answer #5 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does your husband know how you feel? does he show any compassion toward you?
If my wife were to tell me she is falling out of love with me I would do everything in my power to bring that spark back, maybe he needs some motivation. Talk with him. Show him you love him and he should show you the same way.
2007-12-10 10:28:15 · answer #6 · answered by CableMan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you may not have fallen out of love, you may have just stopped showing and sharing the love that you two have...maybe you should try to treat your husband in the manner that you would like for him to treat you...you will be surprised at how the old feelings that you think are gone, are still there.
2007-12-10 10:23:19 · answer #7 · answered by curious 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love is an action, not an emotion. Any marriage can work if both work at it, bit it only takes one to break it. Choose to do whatever is possible to distance the other. Also choose to do whatever is possible to do things for spouse. Also, find someone, therapist, clergy, whatever to talk to, with or without spouse.
2007-12-10 10:35:21 · answer #8 · answered by bolyburg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you need to talk to him and see if you can go to consueling with you iof not then seperate for a while and see what happens. i mean you do not have alot of option if you do not love him then leave him it is not fair to him for you to be with him thinking about someone else.
2007-12-10 10:30:35 · answer #9 · answered by Lost 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋