I have some time set aside with my spouse tonight to discuss his married friend... we have our first child due in 3 months and this guy is destroying our relationship, he's in his 30's. Everytime he calls it feels like a slap in the face, he doesn't respect our relationship:
1) Calls at least once/day at home, work to drink (he's an alcoholic)
2) Only ever invites the spouse, even if its mutual friends bday (he always leaves his wife behind)
3) Rumours: After our first date he called him up to say "I heard she was moody," and a couple months later him and his friend (who has been trying to date me forever) started a rumour that I was saying mean things about spouse behind his back (would never do).
4) Has a bedroom for spouse and expects him to stay every Sat. night to drink & watch football all day Sunday. Puts me on guilt trips for my spouse not staying with him.
5) Lies to me (i.e.: "my wife has tickets to this show, she wants you to go") just so he can be with my partner.
2007-12-10 09:02:57 · 14 answers · asked by Betty 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's just so frustrating because I feel like we can't have a life of our own. He calls so many times a day, when we are out for supper, when we are watching a movie, etc. And he's always trying to get him out to go for drinks, and making me look like a bad and boring person because my man isn't out like he is. I hate it. He's always in our lives - but won't say a single word to me! If he weren't married I'd swear he was trying to steal my man for his own.
2007-12-10 09:04:45 · update #1
We've talked this one over before and nothing has come of it, this time I told him I am serious, and I won't stand for this disrespect... husband feels that we could both talk to his buddy about it, why should I have to? I've been so nice to him, sent him birthday wishes and even a gift too! I try, but I'm sick of being treated like crap.
2007-12-10 09:12:34 · update #2
He sounds very possessive of your husband. And it doesn't have to be sexual, it could just be that he is dependent on your husband for his feelings of self-worth. He also sounds very jealous of you. So first off, remember that. He is jealous of YOU. You are married to his friend and he knows that is much deeper than just being a friend.
Next time he calls during supper or when you are in the middle of something, tell him your husband isn't availalbe right now because you are eating (etc.) and tell him to call back in 30 minutes, 1 hour, whatever. If he calls on your husband's cell phone, ask your husband to turn off his phone during dinner. Start asking for things that you need - try not to make him out to be the bad guy - just explain to your hsuband that you don't want to be interupted during this or that and set some ground rules. Then start enforcing them. And don't worry about sound like a b**ch - he hates you already so you have nothing to lose.
If he tries to make you feel guilty, tell him, my husband is free to do what he wants (i assume your husband would rather come home than stay at his house??).
Try to be rational and calm when talking to your husband. Set some rules and then stick by them.
The guy sounds like a psycho, but I think by you remaining calm and mature, he will end up showing the true psycho he is.
Good luck!
2007-12-10 09:12:34 · answer #1 · answered by DeeGee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you live by secular rules I would guess you'd be viewed as a nag.
If you are a christian, its a whole different set of principles. I'll use my own marriage as an example....
My husband doesnt go out without me. Either we're together with another married couple or we/he/I dont go. We dont entertain friends that would put one of us down. My grandparents said something smart about my husband and I havent been over since. I love 'em and Im not going to disrespect them but I wont sit while they disrespect my husband either. My husband doesnt 'sleepover' ANYwhere. What is he? 8 years old? I dont talk to 'the husband'. If Im friends with anyone its the WIFE of the couple so the husband cant 'lie to me'.
I encourage you to do more than discuss this friend. You need to re-evaluate the boundaries of your marriage. Once you do, its your husband's responsibility to check this dude and end the relationship. And I dont mean saying "my wife wont let me play with you anymore". He's got to man UP.
2007-12-10 09:19:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've had this come up numerous times, particularly when invited to the home of a colleague or acquiantance. I don't make much of a fuss over it. I know that they have most likely automatically assumed that I am Christian as well. If it is their tradition to do so, I wouldn't disrespect them in their home by making a big deal out of it. I would probably not participate, however, as this would go against my beliefs. In most cases, no real harm or judgment is implied in a simple saying of grace. As a Pagan, I am so accustomed to being in such a situation, that I don't let it bother me. If saying grace at the dinner table extended to a mini-bible study, proselytizing session, or a game of "Convert That Pagan!"... Well... I'd be none too pleased, and would respectfully, but firmly let it be known.
2016-04-08 06:34:59 · answer #3 · answered by Donna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's trying to steal your man from you. To be honest, if you weren't about to have a child I'd say to leave. He's not grown up yet. This is not what ADULTS do when they're married. Wife comes first, ALWAYS! He wants to play with his little friend. Not ready to be a husband. Seek counselling but be prepared to move to greener pastures.
2007-12-10 09:12:35 · answer #4 · answered by Poppy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This one is up to your husband to handle; if you don't have his support, you're really on your own. He's got to let this guy know that there's going to be no more disrespecting you or your marriage and if it continues, the ties with this guy have to be severed. Unfortunately, as I say, you've got little personal control on this one. Your husband either stands up for you or he doesn't...
2007-12-10 09:09:51 · answer #5 · answered by Jules 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly it's up to your husband to set boundaries and limits on how often this guy is allowed to interfere with your relationship. Not only is he disrespecting you but your husband is allowing it. Sounds to me like they have a relationship on the "down low".
Hubby isn't Bi-sexual is he?
2007-12-10 09:44:26 · answer #6 · answered by THIC007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband are allowing this jerk to "destroy your marriage"....your husband has the choice to answer his call or not answer it...he also has the choice to say "no" when his friend calls and wants him to do something....Your husband needs to stand up and be a man....and tell his friend that he is married to you and doesn't want to be spending all his time with him....
2007-12-10 09:10:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
U sure your husband and him are not having gay relations?? In all seriousness, things like this are VERY common, especially having the room made for him, thats a big alarm in my mind. Straight guys don't do things like that...very weird. Good luck.
2007-12-10 09:11:03 · answer #8 · answered by Brittney 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to talk to this guy and tell him to stay out of your lives. This guy is still married? i Wounldn't be suprised if he eventually gets divorced.
2007-12-10 09:20:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like that little green demon "gealousy" he needs a good 12 step program, and your Hubby needs to grow a set and send him on his way.
2007-12-10 09:12:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋