He left a few days ago, and moved in with his parents. He said he just couldn't take my jealousy and complaining anymore. I suggested counseling, but he is set on divorce. How do I get through to him, without being pushy, controlling, or psycho? We have a family to fight for!
2007-12-10 08:51:51 · 18 answers · asked by Michelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Give him his space. There is nothing worse than a jealous controlling spouse. Let him be and work on yourself so that he will SEE that you are trying. You need to work on YOU before you can be the wife he needs.
2007-12-10 08:55:53 · answer #1 · answered by ~nicole~ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Change your way of approaching him because he's obviously not enjoying it, is he ? You seem to know the answer yourself, dont be "pushy, controlling or psycho", have a change of attitude, you're not choosing the right way to appeal to his senses...
About jalousy : you have to realize that your feelings of jealousy may have nothing to do with your husband, if he is faithful to you then it may probably only be about your feelings of low self esteem and personal inadequacy but I don't know you so I don't know if your like that but that's what they say in a book I read, they say that when youre jealous it has something to do with you, not with your husband...
And I agree about being a mistake ! Come on divorcing over a jealousy issue ! If he's doing something that makes you unconfortable he should be able to (and want to) work it out with you if he really loves you, dont you think ?
But by the way you're exposing your situation I can tell that you have anger management problems. Anger is the worst negative emotion of all. As a rule NEVER GET ANGRY, of course it's impossible to follow but it puts the bar so high that you'll make improvements and I'm sure that those problems are what is driving your husband away, I had anger management problems before, I still have them sometimes but I dont hurt people when I get angry anymore. find a way to externalize all the energy you have in a positive loving way, you be and make everyone else around you a lot happier and you'll achieve a lot more in your life...
2007-12-10 23:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Michelle,
Well- first ask yourself why you are jealous? Is he suspicious or does he have a history of cheating. If he does then maybe if you both want to fight for it, counseling might help.
If he doesn't , and you are a bit controlling you probably have self esteem issues. It takes 2 people who are committed to make it work. If he has given up then even if you give 200% there's no way it can work and it's not fair for you. If you talk to him and ask him to try again and commit to working at it and working together then it MAY work.
Honestly, if he just gave up his entire family, you have to ask yourself- is he really worth the fight??? Sometimes families are better off in divorce bc/ the marriage wasn't right to begin with since BOTH people weren't 100% committed.
Also, I'm not sure if you're religious person but praying will help you get peace and clarity over everything.
Good luck & God Bless.
2007-12-10 17:18:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being jealous and complaining. I don't understand why he wouldn't consider counseling unless he just really wants out of the marriage and is using this as an excuse. Keep pushing for counselling.
2007-12-10 16:59:33 · answer #4 · answered by Poppy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try leaving him alone for a few days. You are going to have to seriously change your behavior, no one likes a jealous spouse. Jealousy KILLS relationships, why were you acting like that in the first place? Just try to act calmly and more like an adult. But you may have blown it, especially if he moved in with his PARENTS to get away from you. Good luck, thats hard during the holidays I know.
2007-12-10 17:05:18 · answer #5 · answered by Brittney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its the "j" word again. Jealousy is a word that kills many people. Are you jealous or is he just saying that? If anyone should be jealous (which no one should) it should be him looking at that picture. You have to realize that no matter what your feelings are of other people around your husband that you still have to trust him. If he betrays it then so be it, because being jealous won't stop him from doing anything that he wants to do.
2007-12-10 16:55:56 · answer #6 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get private counselling on your own about the jealousy and other issues. At least it shows you are willing to go that extra mile to save the marriage.
2007-12-10 17:05:08 · answer #7 · answered by wrathofkahn03 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He stated very clearly what the problem is. So unless the guy was actually cheating on you, you're the one who needs the counselling to deal with your insecurity. Maybe in a few months you'll be fit for a healthy relationship.
2007-12-10 17:01:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to counseling yourself and after a couple of weeks of it, bring it up to him again. YOu need to show him you are trying. It sounds like you need the counseling more so step up and show him how much your marriage means to him.
Once you start showing you are making changes/improvements, he may change his mind.
But you have to really want to change not just want to get him back.
2007-12-10 16:58:08 · answer #9 · answered by DeeGee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to do something... to get of the jealousy.. otherwise you will be in the same boat all over again. it is like a disease..and i can understand him being fed up with it. u need professional help... unless he has earned your mistrust...and that is another reason for you two not to get back together.
2007-12-10 17:08:37 · answer #10 · answered by foosieboy1953 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋