How much privacy is the correct amount in a serious relationship?

Question

I've been in relationships where I pretty much called the shots and had as much privacy as I wanted, and then I've been in other relationships where everything was constantly monitored, including email passwords, phone logs, etc. Where do you draw the line?

FYI: I'm not looking for advice in any current relationship. Just general ideas about privacy in a relationship.

Answer 1

It really depends on the relationship and the individuals. I share my password with my wife and feel no need for any personal privacy. She had parents that gave her no privacy, so it's far more important to her. I don't go through her emails or her purse. I don't even open junk mail addressed to her. It's simply a matter of respect and the recognition that we are all different. While she doesn't snoop through my wallet or my emails (I think), the point is I don't care and she does care, so I respect her privacy completely. BTW-we've been married over 30 years so we've had time to sort these types of issues out. Not of these issues in a relationship are a "quick fix." You need to know why privacy is important on a deeper level. It's not because the other partner necessarily has something to hide. It may be only because the partner needs to know he/she can trust you completely.

Answer 2

It depends on how serious the relationship is and what level of trust you have for your partner and what level of trust you want them to have in you. If the relationship is less than a year old then I'd say forget giving up passwords and whatnot. If it is a serious relationship after that point then access to accounts is pretty reasonable. I am a straight shooter so I never have had to worry about a partner finding anything that was out of the ordinary and warranted concern.
I draw the line a constant accusations. If I'm with a woman who does not trust me then I made a bad call and will just end the relationship. I'm not interested in fighting that battle for long.

Answer 3

That's a funny question. This past weekend my girlfriend of ONE YEAR showed how she'd hacked into my hotmail, facebook, and myspace accounts to read emails I had sent to old girlfriends and a friend whose a girl. They were the general sort of emails, how are you, we had some good times, really nothing more than that.

I dumped her on the spot. We were doing great, but once the trust is broken, the relationship really can't survive. And she isn't trustworthy, and in her eyes, neither am I.

To answer the question, the correct amount of privacy in a serious relationship is everything that the other person isn't willing to give you. You have to be secure enough in the relationship to NOT know somethings about that person.

Answer 4

You respect each others privacy and trust each other. Or there is any point being together.. Is abit of a problem in most relationships nowadays that break up. Think being constantly monitored is a lack of trust and insecurity. You like to know what your other half is doing, but not like monitoring. Have been in that situation, she was checking my texts, emails, wanting to know where i was all the time.. Isn't nice!

Answer 5

I don't think 100% full disclosure is necessary and it should not be be expected. Certainly never demanded. People are entitled to privacy and I personally need it. I draw the line with my own comfort. If I wish to give information freely and with out prompting- I do. If I feel the need for privacy or want to keep something internal- I do. To me where I would call it unhealthy is if I felt somehow forced or pressured to share information I didn't want to. Or if information was gathered by snooping or prying. Access should be given- not taken.

Answer 6

we let the other lead
we give them their privacy
doesn't ask for any in return, but we don't offer some info unless asked

likes the idea of tearing down all the privacy walls then building them back up together

The X’s diary. Never did read it though we could have. Was always left laying around. Was sure that there were some incriminating entries, but was asked not to read it so we respected that.

Answer 7

I think a healthy relationship is open and honest enough to where neither party feels the need to be secretive or suspicious. Most of those feelings come from misunderstandings and poor communication. I'd say be mindful of your words and actions and how they might be interpreted by your partner, so as to avoid creating mistrust.
Another related thing that I've been thinking about recently due to situations two of my friends recently found themselves in: A good rule of thumb is to not have email or text exchanges with someone that you wouldn't be comfortable having your significant other read. It's the decent, considerate and respectful thing to do and it can avoid relationship-ending conflict.

Answer 8

After 22 years of marriage we still don't have any lines drawn on privacy. Yet it's nice to sneak a little time to yourself from time to time. We all do it. My partner grabs the telephone and a pile of washing.. and seems to take 3 hours to fold it. I've got no idea who she is talking to.. that's her business... probably my mother anyway...

Do women have more words to say in a day than men? My partner can talk under water.

Answer 9

If I was in a serious relationship, I wouldn't want to be monitored, but I would tell the other person things I think they should know/would want to know, and they /better/ be the same way with me.

Answer 10

you shouldn't be monitored as far as phone logs, or email passwords, you should be given plenty of privacy, most of what you do in your separate life from your bf/ gf should be private to you unless you feel otherwise and decide to tell them.