Bf and I and I are ready for engagement but I like living alone...?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years and we will probably get engaged late in 2008 (we have discussed it). I live alone and have been for the past 3 years and I love it. When he comes over, he always offers to help cook or clean up but I hate when he touches things because he either puts it back wrong, breaks something, or loses something. Whenever he comes over, he always puts on sports or some movie and I wind up reading a magazine because I don't want to watch anything he likes. I like living alone but if we get married, I know I'll have to life with him. How do I get over this?

I am independent and I like doing things myself. When he offers help, I always rather do it myself or figure it out on my own. When I cook dinner for us, he offers to help me cook but I rather do it myself. I think it's just because I've lived alone so long and I'm afraid that it has taken a negative effect on my relationships. If he watches something I don't like, I still want to sit on the couch with him because I like his company and he doesn't mind if I read a magazine instead.

I know I need to let go and not be so possessive but I want to know how.

Answer 1

YOU don't, engagement doesn't mean you're married it tells
other people both of you are CONSIDERING marriage. and
it sure sounds-like freedom is more than just a word to YOU!

Answer 2

Don't marry him. This is an indicator that you are not ready to marry this person. You don't have much in common, he doesn't mind that very much (I would wonder if my SO ended up reading magazines while I was visiting) and the fact that you hate him touching your things means you have some obsesive compulsive disorder of some sort. I am on the same boat with you on that one, lol, hate people touching my stuff, but when you live with someone, your stuff ain't your stuff anymore. I think you should give this engagement thing a second thought.

Answer 3

Marriage is alot about compromise, give & take, and accepting the kind person your mate is, faults and all.

It sounds like you love your independence, and just a little bit of a control freak. You will have to learn to let go of some of that control if you want your relationship to move forward and grow.

I am not sure what you can do. You would have to make a really conscious effort on not freaking out when he touches your stuff, and to really try to enjoy the things that he likes.

If you have issues now and can't get past it, marriage is not going to improve it.

Answer 4

it doesn't sound like you want to get married. you sound like you are very controlling. if he wants to help and you won't let him because of the reasons you gave, those are valid, because we all do that (men & women). i can tell you my hubby watches wrestling, i'm a fan, but not as much as he is, so i do read a book while he's watching. i could go in the other room and watch tv, but i enjoy just being in his company. so i stay. if you like living alone, trust me on this you will not enjoy marriage, because they are there 24/7 365 and they will "touch" your things...and put them back in the wrong spot (move them back to where you want them) don't let him touch your "breakables" but and this is a big BUT, wouldn't you rather have a vase or something else broken than his heart?

Answer 5

You need to figure out if you're feeling this way because this may not be the guy you're supposed to marry (and that's a hard thing to grasp after 3 years), OR if you have become so set in your ways that anyone being in your house would unnerve you.

Answer 6

i was the same like you, and i found the right guy - how do I know this? we started living together, after 2 weeks when that happiness calmed down came typical problems. We had to accept our behavior and find the solution. after 4 years we are still living together without marriage. why? Maybe he is not ready, but i know that me neither, I don;t want to loose my independence.

Answer 7

You are not ready for marriage, it is a compromise on the part of both, sounds like you are pretty much set in your ways.You will have to learn to share the TV, household chores,etc.Have you ever tried telling him where you like things to be placed?I would say not to rush into getting engaged,because engagements lead to marriage.

Answer 8

Not sure how but I am sure you will need to. If this is this much of an issue for you maybe you shouldn't be getting married. Heaven forbid you should have children. Things will never be left alone. Good luck with this.

Answer 9

coping with exes once you have young ones may well be truly complicated. in spite of the undeniable fact that, from what you're announcing here, it sounds greater like he's in basic terms final friends along with her because of the fact he needs to, not as a results of young ones in any respect. on a similar time as i'm in many cases against delivering an ultimatum, once you're speaking approximately something as intense as marriage, you're able to understand precisely the place you stand. in case you have tried speaking with him approximately his ex and that it hurts you each and every time he contacts her, and he's unwilling to alter, you're able to placed your foot down and make a determination. in case you are able to stay with it, then it somewhat is advantageous, yet whilst him seeing her is a deal-breaker, then you definately could step up and end the courting. there is likewise greater at stake here then in basic terms your own happiness - you have your little ones to think of approximately as nicely. you assert you do not desire to end it with him, yet whilst he's that obdurate approximately an ex that supposedly wronged him sufficient that he left her, how will he be approximately different issues as quickly as you're married? Relationships are a 2 way highway, and if he isn't putting up on his end, there is not plenty you're able to do different than cut back your losses and circulate on. it somewhat is painful, yet needed.

Answer 10

It sounds like you are married already. Marriage is not for you.