Detachment when it comes to family members?

Question

I'm finding it really hard to practice the whole detachment thing with my family. How can I distance my emotions from them without feeling like I'm abandoning them?

well see, my parents are divorced and I find myself often in situations where they depend on me to keep the peace (I'm their Ms. Fix-It). While I want to help there are just times when I really can't do anything about it because I dont' have control over any of them...I've always felt like it's been my duty to be the family peacekeeper but that role is taking it's toll on me and I need to find a balance.

Answer 1

This is an excellent question, especially at this time of the year. You can detach "with love" and I'll give an example of what that looks like. Lets just look at one person then generalize to the entire family, if need be.
Imagine that your husband is an alcoholic who is verbally abusive, emotionally "not there" and an embarrasment. He comes home at night and falls on the floor before he passes out on the bed. You watch this night after night and you feel you are at your wits end. One way to detach is to just leave him there on the floor, feeling angry and resentful.
An example of detaching with love would be to leave him there on the floor AND cover him with a blanket. This is a loving way to handle someone elses insanity which leaves you feeling good about who you are. Basically, detaching means we care enough about our own well being to recognize that other people have choices about how they behave..just as we do. We choose to maintain our own self- respect and dignity along with boundaries about what is and is not acceptable to us. Finally, it is important to realize that others may be crazy but we dont have to take that personally. This is NOT abandonment, this is healthy behavior.

Answer 2

That is a tough one ....
But the bottom line is that it is NOT your problem to fix! I am divorced, so I have a different perspective. Your parents should NOT be burdening you w. their problems! That is very wrong of them!

Please tell them that they need to figure these issues out on their own WITHOUT involving you. Especially if they are attempting to get you to take their sides.

They need to act like adults and be mature - and NOT involve their children!
Good luck! :)
:)