My fiance lives w/ me should he help pay the bills even though he's in debt?

Question

My fiance has lived in my house for about 3 yrs and out of all our bills he only pays for half of the grocery bill . I pay the mortgage, cable, phone, internet, water, electricity and oil bill. I've agreed to the arrangements while he gets himself out of debt. Our wedding is coming closer and he still has about $6000 in debt. I've also been saving for our wedding. He has not saved 1 cent. He is always promising to help real soon but then months and years go by. He also has a job with no sick or vacation time. When it rains he does not work and he does not get paid. He also gets laid off over the winter. I am getting frustrated! Please help.

Also, the arrangements for our wedding and honeymoon are that our parents are helping to pay for the wedding. The remainder is to be paid by us. I am paying the remainder and then my fiance is supposed to reimburse me. If he has no money now and he is in debt $6000, I am worried about what the wedding debt is going to do. He won't be able to help with bills for another 20 yrs. I've always dreamed of a nice wedding and honeymoon but he can't afford any of it. Need some advice!

Answer 1

He is a mooch!!!! Hello - some women are dumb.

Answer 2

Okay, if you really love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you have to accept the baggage that comes with him and it seems like a lot.
First, before I recommend a break up, I would put a few ideas in his head. The number one would be that you have been paying almost all the bills meaning you probably have sacrificed a few other things (shoes, nails, new car, etc.), that means its time for him to do the same...he can start by applying for a part-time job so he can start helping.
Second, he can brush up his resume so he can get a job with some benefits.
Third, I think a lot of relationships lack communication. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. I'm not sure how long you have been together, is it more than the three years you have been living together? Anyway that is no reason to stay in a relationship if things aren't being met at 50/50.
Girlfriend, if your already paying pretty much everything now, its not like you will be in some financial bind if you let him go. I bet he would get a second job then when he finds out that he doesn't have a roof over his head, no woman and no food.
I wouldn't have no man in my house on my couch watching TV and eating while I'm at work everyday with the excuse of its raining so he can't go to work. I'm going to need him to spend those rainy days on Monster.com or Yahoo jobs or something. Sometimes it rains three and four days in a row. He needs a job where he canwork inside so if its raining there is still no excuse.

Answer 3

This is a glimpse into what your marriage will be like. Pay attention now before it's too late. I see a man who has no responsibility with money. I could not be with a man who let me pay all the bills. If I were a man, I would not want to know that my fiance was paying all the bills. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but the man should be the one working and paying the bills not the other way around. Now, you can both work and pay equally or whatever, but it's the man's job to support his family......period. It's sounds like he's mooching off of you. You need to stand up for yourself and let him know that you're not going to be the breadwinner. Is ALL of his money going towards his debt? If so, then that may be a different story, but I'll bet he spends plenty of it, too.

Bottom line here is that things are not going to miraculously change the day after the wedding. He is going to be the same person and he is showing you right now what he thinks of you.

Answer 4

I realize you love your fiance. But, your frustration is only going to get worse. You already have some resentment - that too will only get worse.

He must be responsible to pay for his share of living. It is not fair that you shoulder the entire burden. He has gotten away with you supporting him until now, and he will continue the trend as long as you don't put your foot down.

BEFORE you get married, and I would suggest today, you need to print out a budget of all monthly household and living expenses. You need to decide how much you are willing to contribute, how much you expect him to contribute, and you two can negotiate from there.

For example, I give my husband $1058.00 each month. This is my monthly household contribution (which is less than 1/2 the bills). He pays for everything else beyond that amount. That includes: electricity, landline, cell phone, cable, internet, groceries, rent, car payment, car insurance, water, gas, daycare, etc.

I have to recommend that you do not get married until you have worked out your financial details and he is contributing solidly. If he gets laid off over the winter and doesn't work when it rains, I can only assume he is in construction. He either needs to find a new line of work, or he needs to get a 2nd job to cover his time when he is can not work. He has it easy now, he isn't going to want to change, so it will be up to you to tell him what you need and no longer give him that freedom.

Another way to do that is to tell him that he has to either get direct deposit or give you the checks, then he can get an agreed upon allowance per pay check.

Good luck!

Answer 5

He should be paying the bills and paying off his debt. Has he made any progress on his debt in 3 years time? He doesn't sound mature enough for marriage. Being fincnally responsible is a big part of marriage, if he's not ready then you should really think about your future. I see you carrying the load in the future too. If that's how you want to live then by all means, go for it. If it's not it might be time to take a look at where you are going as a couple.

Answer 6

Honey you had better stop and take a look at this. Your entire life will be like this if you marry him. Why is it all your responsibility? Even though he has debt does not mean that he cannot pay for anything. He is a kept man and does as he pleases with him money. You are the one struggling and worrying about the bills. He needs to find a more suitable job. You are going to have to motivate him. You have made it too easy for him and he has no reason to get a better job that he has to go to everyday like you do. I would not marry this man, it will end and not well.

Answer 7

You know, I was about to type no, you are a partnership and money should not be counted and divided half in half, buuuuutttt... He really should be either getting a more stable job, or a part time job over the winter. I earn more than double of what my SO earns, and usually I pay my rent and my electric and water bills, and he spends every night with me, and doesn't contribute to the bills. But, I know every cent he earns goes to us, he either buys groceries or does the fun things, like pay for the movies and buy games and such. But he is not drinking his money, nor is he spending it on himself. That's what I mean by a partnership, it doesn't matter who pays more, both of us are profiting as a couple, period.

But my SO works 8 hours a day, sometimes has to work saturdays and sundays, so there is where I don't agree with your situation anymore. He either gets another job, or does all the cleaning and cooking, as a househusband, or I dunno...

Answer 8

Well, throughout those three years has he been paying off his debt? If most of the money he earns go to the his debt and that was the agreement you guys had, then you cant get too mad. But he should be getting a job in the winter when he gets laid off. The winter is long and he should be lounging around while your working to keep a roof over his head.

Answer 9

You have a deeper issues than you think. One: you and he don't agree on money issues. This can create some real issues during the marriage. Do NOT get married until you've had some serious talks and both of you agree.

Two: Once you're married, he will become a legal problem for you. If you get divorced, you could end up losing a lot of money to him.

OK, but to answer your original question: he's mooching off of you. It may be a fact that he can't afford more, but he's benefiting from you supporting him. If you aren't willing to commit to support him indefinitely, then postpone the wedding until you are.

Answer 10

There's nothing that we can do that can help your situation. Either you put up with him for what he is and continue on the path that you've been going, or you can tell him it's time to kick in and start paying you something out of his pocket as well. You could always tell him that by a certain date, no matter how much he's in debt, you'd like to see more effort on his part. However, if you already agreed with him that he could try to knock out his debt as much as possible before you guys got married, there's not much you can do.

Trying to force him to get a "better" job wouldn't do you much good, because if he's that far in debt, then what got him there in the first place? Is he willing to help you or does he just want to get his debt worked down?

Answer 11

I would think really hard about postponing or calling off the wedding. He hasn't changed at all over the last 3 years - what makes you think he will after you get married? From what you say here, he's found someone that he can sponge off, and who will work and bring in money while he sits home half the time.

You have 3 choices:
- wake up, dump him, and cut your losses,
- light a fire under his butt to get him working and contributing,
- go into the wedding knowing that you aren't going to change him on this.

And if you do marry him, think hard and long about having a kid with this guy. If you do, you can still divorce him, but you'll still have him in your life at least until the kid is out of college. But I'll bet you that he still won't be paying you anything.