As an adult, do your parents still buy you Christmas gifts?

Question

My parents have been separated for about 16 years. Neither of them work – my mom is on SSI and disability and my dad … well that’s another story. Anyway, both of them truly EXPECT gifts each Christmas. They say they don’t but they are disappointed if they don’t get anything (especially my mom). Since she’s on a fixed income and neither of them work I don’t expect anything from them.

However, it would be nice to get something from them every blue moon. My dad gave me $25 almost four years ago. My mom always says she’s going to get me something, but deep down in my heart I know she can’t afford it so I tell her not to. With that said, I still don’t think it’s fair for them to expect something from me.

Several people in my family have a saying that Christmas is for kids. That’s true to some degree, but why do they expect gifts then? I spend quite a bit on my mom every year for birthdays, Christmas, etc. I may get my dad something, I might not.

I am 30. The only person who buys me gifts each year is my brother. It feels so good to get something just for the sake of getting it. My husband doesn't celebrate holidays, so that's out.

Answer 1

I'm sorry. I can't stand the distress Christmas puts people through. I can totally relate, and I am sorry. You are 30, and it sounds like your mom is really childish for expecting a present. I stress "expecting." If you feel comfortable with the whole x-mas is for kids thing, if you need that to validate not buying them something, then stick to that!! I say that Christmas has to do with how we treat people all year long, and I give gifts when I see something that I know someone would like (if I have money) all year. I am always broke at the end of the year!! For the past few years, I have made adults in my life their favorite pie or cookie and given them a potted plant. I decorate the package the desert comes in according to their personality, and I paint and design the pot for the plant. I am told it's very thoughtful. You sound like a really nice person, I'm sorry you are stressed about this. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Well, you have hit on the whole point of gifts -- they are from the heart. And your parents don't get it. They are being childish. However, don't expect them to change, or you will be doomed to disappointment.

I think the answer is to give and give freely as your heart dictates, no more, no less. Even the poorest person could write a nice note that tells how they feel, draw a picture, write a poem, etc. However, your parents are not there. The most you might hope for is that someday one or both of them MIGHT somehow get that message, but don't waste your time trying to beat it into them. Just give them something from your own heart and leave it at that.

My parents and I exchanged love and gifts until their dying days, but it was not about the material things, which become less important in time.

Answer 3

My parents never did. They are Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't expect gifts from anyone. It's just nice. The kids will have questions though if a grandparent doesn't at least send them a card, especially if they know the person celebrates.

My kids have one grandparent who is on ssi and lives across the country, but always sends gifts. That is the one I feel worst about her sending them coz she needs her money. But she is faithful about it. The well-off grandparents rarely send or give anything. They're afraid we'll ask for stuff or something like that, is what it feels like. I used to send gifts to their other son all the time, but they don't even acknowledge our children's birthdays. So I feel bad for the kid, and some twinges of regret for them, but not as bad as I'd feel if I didn't get the first mother in law a gift even if she suddenly one day stops coz she has decided she cannot afford to.

I give my own parents things whenever I can or have it, even though they have their own financial issues and I hope they never think I want them to give me something.

Answer 4

Grow up! Your parents are fading and now it's your turn to mind the shop. It's not a question about being fair, it's reality.

How about having your Dad over during the holidays for his favorite meal and dessert? You could also rent a movie for that night and just cozy up on the couch.

Bake a batch of his favourite cookies. How about a recipe in a jar? He could make his own brownies or something?

Maybe you could give your Mom a dozen 'coupons.' Have a couple for a 2 hr car escort service so you could take her to an appointment and then help her get her groceries. You could do an hour of cleaning for her too. Give her a pedicure. Take her out for coffee. Swing by the library every month to let her select some books, movies, audio tapes or magazines to look at.

My Mum gets me my currently favourite perfume and then ends up 'borrowing a squirt' every time she's in my bathroom.

Answer 5

Christmas sometimes makes people think they OWE someone a present, and also that someone may OWE them a present. We should not feel that way. If your parents are as badly off as you say they are, then you should give them things, not just at Christmas, but whenever they are in need of something. And don't expect anything in return, since you know it will be a hardship for them.
My mom gets something for all her kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids. She can afford to now. And it gives her pleasure. We usually all get her something she can use, too. Dad is another story. He's married to a lady that doesn't like us kids very well.

Answer 6

Sounds like your Mom feels lonely and likes to be reminded that someone cares at the Holidays. My parents have the money to gift give and I send gifts also, but my real father doesn't have the cash so we just forgo the whole thing and find it special just to call each other from time to time. Is there some way you can insert some joy into your gift giving? Try to feel GOOD about giving your Mom that present that will make her smile. You know?

Answer 7

Yes, my mom does and then I feel guilty if I don't buy her something but I have 4 kids and not much money so I totally agree that Christmas gifts are for kids. My husband and I spend money on ourselves during the year so we try not to buy each other too much at Christmas.

Answer 8

Well yes my parents still by me gifts. Not as many as when I was a child but that's fine with me. Christmas for me is for the kids. For the adults it's about being thankful you got thru the year all intact and you have family to spend the holidays with.

Answer 9

My parents still give me a christmas present each year (I'm 28). I don't ask for anything because that's not how I view the celebration of Christmas. To me, it is about the birth of Christ, my savior, and having those you love near you, laughing, eating, etc. Being surrounded by people who love you is the greatest gift of all- PRICELESS.

Happy holidays!

Answer 10

Yes, my husbands mother sends us money every year. My Grandma buys us gifts every year. My Dad always gives me and my brother $200 every year. Other than that we draw names for Christmas and since I have the only young children in the family everyone buys for them (my aunts and uncles, grandparents, my Mom and Dad and my husbands Mom and Dad)