Do you think it is tacky to throw your own baby shower?

Question

Let me explain. I live in NY and my family is in Iowa. My husband and I are going to Iowa for the holidays and will have a traditional baby shower thrown by my aunt and sister in law.

However, some of my husband's family is here in NY. My best friend offered to throw the shower here BUT she is really struggling financially (like two months behind on rent struggling) and I dont want this burden on her. By her uising money for a shower, that means that one of her bills will not get paid and she needs to focus on that instead of me. But I really appreciate her offer.

I am close to my husband's family but not real close. They probably assume someone else is throwing the shower becuase they have all said that they want an invitation but no one has offered to do it. I don't like to be a burden on people anyway so I was thinking that my hubby and I could just have a get together in the house for his family.

Is this tacky? What would you do?

I was content with not having anyhting here in NY since we'll be having a nice shower with my family. BUT then my husband asked me "But what about my family?" and then I felt a little guilty that
i had not thought of him. It isnt about getting the gifts as much as it is just getting everyone together to wish us well.

If I allow my friend to throw it under the condition that I foot the bill, she would be so offended.

Answer 1

My sister in law gave me this idea. You can throw a "diper BBQ/party". You and your hubby throw a party for your friends and they bring dipers. I am sure someone will bring other stuff too. You can try this idea or a twist to it so it is like you are giving your friends a party, not you. This is also good if you want your husband involved in a party and gifts.

If you are really uncomfortable then maybe your husband can bring up in a conversation with a female relative that you won't have a local shower. OR... your friend can get a hold of all your local relatives so they can be hostess too which means they will pitch in money.

I hope this helps!!!

If all else fails, maybe don't call it a "shower" just name it something else like "party" or "shindig" etc...

Answer 2

Yes, I think it's tacky. I just had my second son and he's 20 months younger than my first. We are reusing whatever we can from my first, and buying anything else we need. We've received gifts, mainly clothing and diapers, and have been asked if we'll be having a shower. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of having another shower for a second baby of the same gender so close together. I think it just looks like you're being greedy or gift grabbing, even if you actually need the stuff. Even further, I think it looks really bad to throw a shower for yourself. If someone offers to throw one or throws one as a surprise, that's a bit different because they're choosing to do it for you rather than being pressured into it. I do think all babies should be celebrated, but I don't think gifts should be a requirement for attendance at that celebration. I would probably still attend a shower for someone who is throwing it for herself but I still don't like the idea.

Answer 3

It is typically considered inappropriate to throw yourself a party where gifts are expected. I think accepting your friend's offer to throw the shower and helping her financially would be a good compromise. She'll feel like she is being a good friend to be the hostess of the shower even if most of the supplies were paid for by you. ADDED: It seems strange to think that your best friend would be so offended if you offered to help financially. If you are good friends, it seems as though you would be at a point in your relationship where you could be honest with each other. She knows she is financially unable to do this and so do you. Truthfully, it shouldn't cost an arm and a leg to throw a baby shower. Some tasty snack foods along with some cute decorations, games, and party favors are all you need. Opening the presents is the highlight of the event. There are many good websites available with nice ideas to throw a party on a budget.

Answer 4

Maybe invite his family over after the baby is born and things have settled down a bit. A party to kinda introduce your baby to the family. Have a dinner and it wont seem so much like you are throwing yourself a shower. Congrats

Answer 5

Have your friend throw the shower, but you pay for it. If she won't go for that, maybe you need to let your husband's family know that the next time they say they want an invite- say, "I'd love to invite you, but no one's offered to have a shower for me."

Don't do it all on your own, yes, that would be tacky. And actually kind of sad (even if no one else offered to do it, that doesn't mean you should.)

Or you could just be happy with one shower.

**It's nice of you to be concerned that your husband said "But what about my family?", if it were my husband, I'd have to say, "What about your family?? None of them offered to throw me a shower. I can't just throw it myself, so if your family wants one, they can throw one for me, just like my family is." Or you can have a party after the baby is born, like a Welcome Baby party, then you can get all the well wishes, the gifts, spend time together, all that, without technically throwing a shower.

Maybe you could mention to one of your husband's family "Hey- a friend of mine wants to throw me a shower, but could use some help- could you help her out?" Give the family member some money. Then to the friend who wants to throw the shower, say "Hey- 'Bill's' sister wants to throw me a shower, but I know you wanted to, too. How about you two work together on it?". Then your friend gets to do all the fun stuff/work. but you still get to pay for it. That is if you have a member of your husband's family who could swing this, but since you said you're not close, I'm not sure.

Answer 6

Actually thats a great idea throwing it yourself.
who makes up this rules and guidelines about baby shower anyway?
You said it yourself, you just want to get everybody together .
Also the best way to get closer to the other family is another addition to theirs.

So good luck and have fun

Answer 7

I would still let your friend plan everything, decorate, etc., but just give her the money to do it. That way you will still be surprised and your friend did all the labor but you don't have to worry about her not being able to pay her bills. That way too you can invite other friends and not just be stuck with ONLY your hubby's family. Good luck!

Answer 8

I don't think it is tacky at all, you are incredibly thoughtful to NOT let your best friend do it, although she probably still wants to. You can have your husband & best friend do it together at your house. That way she isn't paying, but is still involved... and then you wouldn't have to worry about it either! My husband threw the 2nd one for me. It was a non-traditional get together, and was more fun than the first one actually! Good luck and congrats!

Answer 9

I would let your friend do it under the condition she not spend any of her own money to create the shower. Have your husband offer to help with expenses and inviting family with her.

Answer 10

Tell your friend that you would love for her to help you coordinate your shower. Explain to her that you already had planned on having a small get to gether and you really feel overwhelmed with all the details. You would really love it if she would help you with the details, but you already put money aside to pay for it. This way she can't feel excluded or pressured to pay for anything. Have your husband reiterate what you said. She can feel involved but not have to pay for it. So you don't have to feel bad about throwing your own party and she does't feel bad for not paying for it.