13 years old....Gay??

Question

My little cousin is 13 years old. She has been dressing like a boy since she was like 8. We all thought it would be something she would grow out of but she has just gotten worse. She recently cut her hair off really short and she even changed her myspace profile to male. I don't get it because she says gays are gross and she would NEVER be that way. Is she just in denial?? Is there something I should do to help her? I can see that she is getting REALLY depressed and she talks about dying and how she doesn't even want to be here.

Answer 1

There would be a good chance she is really a he........transsexual. Most of us knew quite young. Gender identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation so the denial of being gay may well be quite sincere.

http://imatyfa.org/ is a family oriented group for young transsexuals run by their families, just a FYI

added: Since the some posters after me put in some poor advice, the age 13 is one of the most critical times, puberty, for transsexuals of either direction in terms of self-esteem, hating one's body and risk factors of hurting themselves. One of the very things that made me go "bing- maybe TS" is the behaviour is EXACTLY what you would expect a TS child to do at that age.

Answer 2

There's something else going on .... something happening that she feels unable to tell anyone about. The thing is, helping her with this is going to take a lot of responsibility ....

Encourage her to talk to grown-ups she trusts, teachers, or guidance counsellors, or her parents or other relatives. There may be another reason why she is trying to look like a boy, and why she is trying to change her identity, and most particularly, why she is getting depressed - she might be feeling very alone with something, and unable to talk about it. What she needs is reassurance, and that there are people who will listen to her and take seriously what she says.

You are very well-intentioned, but I think that your cousin might need professional help. Encourage her to seek it. But always be gentle. Sometimes the truth can be as difficult to tell as it is to hear.

Answer 3

well i think the best option is take her to a youth counslor and let her talk things over and find out y she is depressed as ,youth suicide is very high so better to be safe than sorry. i dont think it has anything to do with your cousin being gay if she is gay so what get to the real issue depression .if she wishes to cross dress then so be it .why has no 1 bothered if she has been doing it for 5 years now so i think the problem lies deeper than that .hope you help her asp.

Answer 4

It sounds like she really needs someone to talk to. Just remember to be very sensitive and caring and listen to not only what she is saying, but how she is saying it. Let her know that she can talk to you and you will be there for her. You may not understand all of what she is going through, but you can help her by finding groups, other than MySpace, that she will be able to talk to. Sometimes talking to others that are going through the same problems helps. I hope this helps honey, because I haven't gone through a situation like this one before. But I do know that talking and having someone to talk to helps.

Answer 5

1. she has not gotten "worse" there was never anything wrong with her

2. females who consider themselves male are transsexual, not gay, they may be attracted to males or females or both or neither, it varies by the individual just like anyone else

3. Maybe he is, maybe she isn't. Stop pushing this issue with a thirteen year old child, its innapropriate. *back off a little*

3. If she is suicidal or depressed then maybe she should see a therapist, perhaps her gender issues will come up with her therapist ane perhaps they won't

Answer 6

Yes, you should get her help because she sounds depressed and talks about dying. She appears to have sexual identity issues too, as most 13 year olds have sexual identity feelings and conflicts as they develop secondary sex characteristics. But I would focus more on her depression, as she might be willing to acknowledge that she needs to talk with someone because she is depressed, rather than approach her about something as sensitive as her sexual orientation, which she probably is not clear about herself, at this point. Good luck and it is very nice that you care about your little cousin, and please do what you can do to encourage her to get help.

Answer 7

It sounds like your cousin is transgendered. Talk to him and ask his opinion on whether or not he feels that he is a boy or a girl, and while you do this, make sure he is aware that this is a "safe space" where anything he says is okay. Proffessional counseling may be advised, either alone or as a family, to help him and your family come to terms with this.

Answer 8

I dont think just role reversal is a sign of being straight ,gay or bi. She may just be comfortable with the image she is experimenting with- 13 is a sensitive age,just be as understanding as possible.

Answer 9

That's a hard one. You should just try to get her to talk to you. Tell her no matter what she says or is you will love her. Try not to judge and hopefully she will open up. If not maybe get her to a concler.

Answer 10

let her know that you are there for her to talk to and will never judge her.shes probably in denial i know i was and i have officially come out to anyone because it is scary.maybe she just need to know being gay is ok.but really all she needs is for someone to be there for her,so let her know that.