How do I tell my husband that his "girlfriend" is jealous of our relationship?

Question

My husband left me a couple of months ago, claiming he just needed space shortly after; I found out that there was another woman involved. He said he didn't leave me for her, that my being unable to have a child was to much and he couldn't live without one, she could "possibly" fill that void. I accepted this fact and have been seperated since. We chose to start our relationship over as friends. I was just informed that his "girlfriend" doesn't like that I still do things for him, all the typical "wife" stuff, errands, morning coffee, setting aside dinner, and even cleaning snow off the car. How do I tell him or get him to see that this girl is just jealous and views me as competition? She's with him 5 nights a week and tries to occupy any free time he has, then he can't be with me. What can I do to show him that I'm the one he should really be with? For about a month he has been wanting and trying to have sex with me. I do love him and I can and would forgive him for his affair

Answer 1

Sounds like a complete mess. T'hat's horrible he'd leave you b/c of not being able to produce a child. Sounds like he used that as an excuse and I'm not sure why you'd actually want the guy. He's used it as a big fat excuse and I believe the girlfriend, has every right to be ticked. Either way, you and your husband deserve each other b/c he's using her and you and your head is in the clouds. You two are just playing games.

Answer 2

I think he left you too hastily. If he wasn't happy with the fact that you couldn't bare his children, then maybe he should have looked to have a surrogate or to adopt over leaving you for this other woman who could fill the void.

You can do one of two things. Either you can continue doing for him and not expecting anything in return (thus letting him have the best of both worlds) or you can cut off all contact from him to let him see who is best for him. If he stays with her, then you know that he wants those voids filled more than he wants to try with you. But he'll never be able to find a woman who is EVERYTHING to him. He's crazy if he thinks that he can. Concessions have to be made somewhere, right? He has to figure out where it is that he's willing to concede.

You can't convince him that you're the best one for him. To get him to come back to you will only be putting off the inevitable--he'll eventually want to leave you again the next time something comes along that might give him the same thing that you gave him.

Answer 3

Shes not jealous ...but it shouldn't matter to you . If he left you ..hes gone ... Only he will regret it if it were a mistake . When a man leaves you for someone eles ...don't cry over spilled milk . Sometimes they see the kitty isn't as pretty as he thought . That's when he will come to terms about his life . Threes not too much you can do about it . Why would you even want to? Some ppl just ain't meant for relationships as husband and wife . If hes with her let go of him . If he loves you he'll be back . Unfortunately most ppl will have moved on It takes a whole lotta love to recover from something like another woman. Everything in life has to be pushed aside ...everything ..except the basis thought you and him .... Thats the only way to recovery .. the only way ... That 1 simple thought is the only thing that will ever keep you together . Thats why it sure has to be a whole lotta love there 4 it to work . Most ppl don't have it in them.. Move on if hes w/ another woman. Let him completely go . If hes sorry he'll return . If you love him that much . it might work on his return but doubtful.... Be happy for him b/c he has found some1 new to make him happy .....Kids grow up and leave ...then where will he be?

Answer 4

I think him having a friend and you feeling neglected are two totally separate issues. Of course people develop friendships. It's totally normal and healthy. Have you developed new friendships lately? Honestly, it sounds like you might be letting motherhood swallow you up. Are you the same person he married or have you become a home bound, clingy, nagging wife? What is your passion and are you living it? As a mother of four, I promise you that if you don't have interests and friendships outside of your home you are going to go totally nuts. Many times when women feel like they are lacking attention and affection it's because they are not giving those things to themselves. Men don't make us happy, they just add to our own happiness. Before you nag him again, think about you for a change. Do you think if you were doing the things that made you happy he might seek you out for conversation and affection? Any change within a marriage starts with the person who's having a problem. How will he ever change if you don't first change yourself? Start giving yourself the attention that you crave. Get a sitter on occasion and do something you enjoy. Meet a friend for lunch. I have a feeling your husband might start finding you more interesting and you'll see a change. Good luck :)

Answer 5

I've read your other questions and u have basically asked the same thing around the 4-5 times..u sound very desperate and willing to change in order to maintain your marriage, I do not know how bitchy it is u act, but that act gets old, and a man gets to a point in which he cannot stand these atttitudes anymore, I hope in between the marriage u did take the time to say and to do .things to show your love., I am wondering if u are bitchy with your 11 yr old daughter too?in between all the answers and questions, there is one person I am the most worried about ...your daughter, how is she taking things, have u both sat down and explained to her the separation your both agreed on?...After all if u have been together with him for about 8 yrs, these means he has been her father figure pretty much so, I hope he does not break the contact and relationship with your daughter by having a new relationship., he does have some duties to her. ...poor girl she must be very confused and hurt if none of you have talked to her...first of all, ,by staying together and in different rooms you are not giving your daughter the best marriage role model at all. I hope he is out of the house by now..how traumatic for her to see her stepdad..almost dad..go upstairs with the current mate!...Listen woman, u need to step up, leave behind all this sorrow, be strong and move on cause of u , cause u have worth, and u can get better, of course u can, u have done what u can, and he obviously is not looking back, he is in a new relationship., and the gf is in all her right to not be happy with the dependancy he has towards you, after all separation..means separation...and that involves not doing things together anymore...the only bind u may have is your dd, and he should dedicate some time to her...but u should not go along..this dependancy...which is fed by you as well, since u keep doing all thse things for him..u have not even made him miss u! ..If u already stated what u feel, and if he is not coming back, do move on please, for you sake. your sanity and your daughter's stability, its not good at all for your dd to see you almost have begging attitudes...u are strong deep inside, get yourself on new activities to meet new pple, join a club, a gym, a church activity, u need to focus on other than your ex mate, ...u are prob still young, I am not telling ya to start to date...no...u need to have other things in the horizon to feel better about the separation..he has obviously done the thinking enough since he is already with some one else....good luck!

Answer 6

Ok this is so not right on so many levels your husband left you because you could not have a child ok have either of you heard of adoption or surrogacy or something like that ?

Now he has a mistress on the side and you are ok with this? Of course his mistress is not going to be comfortable with him spending so much time with you. She wants him to herself

He Obviously doesn't know what the heck he wants or else he wouldn't have pulled this kinda stunt he would grow a pair and look into other options instead of being a little boy and running to someone else because he cant have his way

I know that i am bieng tough but you need to wake up here He obviously hasn't been honest with you.

Ok YOUR HIS WIFE AND HE'S ONLY WITH YOU 2 NIGHTS A WEEK AND HER 5 NIGHTS A WEEK ?

He's Stringing you along girl. Men are good at saying what they think you want to hear if it gets what they think they want

Ok That is wrong on So Many Levels

He needs to wake up and Make up His Mind,

Question for you

Where is your SELF RESPECT

Tell him straight up he needs to make up his mind who he wants to be with cause you won't be played like this

Straight up girl He's playing you like a fiddle

I know it will be hard but put it too him and by all means if you can stay friends that's fine but i wouldn't be busting your butt for him either

Cause he obviously don't give a damn bout you if he can walk out on you and lie about it too and only tell the truth about why he walked out when he's forced too

I had to do that once and it was hard as hell but it worked out for the best

You deserve better than this

I mean come on he saying he cares about you and loves you but because you can't have children he walks out on you and gets a mistress and then says oh but i still wanna be with you

Come on You are his Wife you should be getting more than 2 nights a week with him

Answer 7

OK, you said you accepted the fact that you were splitting up and that he has someone else. You said you were starting over as just friends. So, be just friends! Stop doing all the wifey stuff. Find a man who can accept the fact that you can't have kids and won't go out looking for Miss Fertility or use it as an excuse to cheat. You are allowing him to do this and it's not fair to you or anyone else involved in the mess he has created.
If you are the one he is supposed to be with he will come back without you kissing his ***.

Answer 8

Given that he left you, why are you being wife?

Yes, it sounds like she's jealous, but then, as you want him back, she has reason to be.

You can't force him to change his mind and go back with you. If he's unwilling to consider alternative methods of satisfying his parental desires, there's nothing to do but stop being wife, and move on.

That doesn't mean you can't still be friends, but stop taking care of him.

Forgiving him when he hasn't asked for it is crazy. He doesn't seem to want to get back with you, except to have sex.

That would be a big mistake on your part.

Either you're together or you're not.

You're providing him with servant-duties, and considering sex, too. So he'll have two women completely devoted to him.

He'd milk that situation for all he can, and you'll be left alone, feeling used.

Let him see to his own morning coffee, errands, dinner(!?) snow-clearing, and get sex from his girlfriend.

Don't be a part of his harem.

Answer 9

Once a cheater always a cheater. She cheated with him while the two of you are married so naturally she is going to be suspicious of his comings and goings and why not? He cheated on you so now she believes hell cheat on her.

IF the two of you can work it out and I would suggest therapy because without trust a relationship has no foundation in which to prosper and grow...then do so. I truly believe that people and situations can change for the better if both parties are willing to put the same amount if not more work into it.

There are other ways to have children that don't have to destroy a marriage.

Answer 10

You should respect yourself more than to give yourself over to a man who obviously does not wish to have anything to do with you other than sex, it seems. Even if he is/was your husband. You know he is with another woman yet to you this is OK? Ok enough to still support him in the way a loving wife would? why are you two even separated? He has his cake and is eating it too.... and what do you have? worries of another woman?! You should completely separate youself from him. Talk to him and tell him that if he wants to be with another woman then he needs to go with her and stay away from you. If he wants you back, then she can't be part of the equation. But you can't make a man change for you, and he may never leave this woman alone completely even if he does choose to go back to you. Trust me on this. He isn't worth it. Let him be her problem, not yours.

Answer 11

Does your husband want to get back together with you or does he only want to have sex with you? You should probably insist that he get rid of the girlfriend before you sleep with him. If he does, then you can consider repairing your marriage instead of trying to create a friendship out of the pieces. But don't think just having sex with him is going to make him take you back. There's obviously more to your problems than that.

However, as long as he's still officially with this other woman and not you, then she's not jealous, you're overstepping your boundaries. She has every right to be threatened by her man's ex who is still trying to be his wife. It's in everyone's best interest that you back off if your husband is comfortable with her. Rejection can be really hard to take, but you need to accept the possibility that he's over you. And if he's not interested in rekindling a relationship with you but is still interested in sleeping with you, then he's a selfish piece of trash and you need to leave him out of your life permanently.