Will i be a homewrecker if i do this?

Question

I have a daughter who is 4 yrs old who asking why her bio-dad(Vinny) stopped visiting?Her bio-father wanted to keep the fact that he is my daughters dad secret so he asked if i would refrain from having his name put on the birth certificate and to allow him to send me CS under the books.I agreed to these conditions because i did not want any problems but for the past 6 months he has stopped paying CS and seeing his daughter( he used to stop by once a month).Only a select few that include my mother(probably my dad) , me, my daughter but she's not an adult,my long term bf has an idea but turns a blind eye and Vinny himself are aware that my daughter is his.I suspect my daughters bio-dad Vinny is married or engaged now how recently though i am not sure?His cell phone number has been changed do i call his home phone which i recently looked up or pay him a visit in person?I dont want to mess with his personal life because for all know he might have another child?

My history with Vinny is as follows very bad..Vinny was my first bf and everything in HS.We had a very dramatic relationship becacause i was a good girl and he was a bad boy from another not as nice town.He broke up with me and broke my heart twice. The last time i was unknowingly pregnant i became depressed went from being 110 pounds(5ft 6) down to 90 pounds and lost the baby.I went on to college became even more shy than in HS and Vinny came back to hound me for a fling while he had a gf.I stupidly agreed and that went on for a little over a year.I met a really sweet guy(Danny) who brought me back to myself we started being friend then dating and i ended the fling with my ex.Well when Danny died suddenly(cancer)Vinny came by again for a fling (still with the gf unknown to me). Fling lasted 3 months thats when my daughter as concieved.

Answer 1

What kind of question is this?

You basically set up an arrangement where this guy can walk at any time and you can't get child support unless you start from scratch, and now you don't want to mess up his life to get the child support?

Do you need the child support? If yes, then forget putting a label on yourself and fight for what your daughter needs and her father's RESPONSIBILITY to provide.

You're gonna have to get one hell of a lot tougher than you are to make it through the teenage years!

Answer 2

You have an uphill road.

Because everything was under the books, or off the books, then none of that is admissible in a court of law. You made yourself nearly unhelpable by the law.

Vinny can eject and leave you holding the bag, and there is nearly nothing you can do about it.

If he agrees to a genetic test to see if he is the father, and if you get the test (that includes paying for it) then he might be the father. If you can show that he actually is the father, and that there is an established arrangement, .... there's a lot of stuff to prove... then you can start pursuing him for help with the kid.

He can counter-sue and try and take custody of the child from you if he is the father.

If he was on the birth certificate, and he had court-arranged papers for the child support - he couldn't do anything.

Those "just a piece of paper"s mean a lot in front of a judge.
You became a home wrecker when you didn't get them - you wrecked your home.

Vinny is willing to have affairs - its not going to be a secret to his "steady". Finding you are the mom is not very likely to hurt his home life. Suing them, and reducing their effective income is much more likely to bring up problems. If he's willing to sleep around - he loves problems.

Answer 3

First, you are NOT a home wrecker. You are seeking support for your daughter. From reading the courses of action this man has pulled on you, it is pretty evident that your daughter's father is trying to dodge his child support duties. (i.e. changing the father's name on birth certificate, no contacts for 6 months, changed cell phone without notifying you)

You need to contact the child's father and speak to him. If he refuses to speak to you and live up to his responsibilities, you need to contact your area's district attorney and file a lawsuit. Being married or engaged does not absolve anybody from any prior issues he needs to deal with. I strongly suggest you take action immediately while he is still in town.

Try to contact Vinny at his new home. If you want to make it delicate, you may have a close guy friend, mutual friend, or family member call him. If he is denying that he is the father or not wanting to speak with you, you can ask the court for a paternity test. Since Vinny seems to be avoiding you, chances are he will not be happy hearing about you or your daughter. If this is the case, contact your local court so you can send him a summons. While you are at the district attorney's office, you can also request free legal counsel. They should be able to give you more information on what you need to do next.

Good luck and I wish you and your daughter the best.

Answer 4

My ex-husband is ON our son's certificate and he sort of dropped of the map in 1999. He hasn't paid CS in years. He hasn't seen our son since first grade..... he'll be a senior NEXT year. (He's an honor student.)

Let me tell you what I LIKE about NOT dealing with the Ex:

My son has had ONE home & ONE set of rules.
We didn't have to do that "First, Third & Fifth weekend" rule.
We didn't have to argue about the holidays.
We haven't spent allot of time and money arguing about money.

It WOULD be really nice to have the back CS, but I have observed parents who focus on money more than the child's best interest.... doesn't appear very happy to me.

Even if he was on the birth certificate, it wouldn't guarantee that you would get the money. Papers cannot MAKE someone behave responsibly.

It is a GIFT to have a child. Some people are aware of this right away, some aren't.

If you can do without the money and the drama, I would suggestion you focus on your blessings.....

I see my son and I think, "Wow, my EX really missed out".... and I did TRY to maintain contact, but he's still dealing with the same issues he was when I left him YEARS ago.

Overall, my son and I have been better off without him or his money.

Answer 5

Wait a second here. He is the father of your child and is responsible for her care and you are worried about his personal affairs? Why?

He was just as involved in bringing your daughter into the world as you were. Maybe he does not want the world to know, but tough luck. He should not have slept with you if he did not want to have any children out of wedlock.

I would call him and tell him that if he does not pay child support you will file for non-payment in the court. If he even wrote one check to you, that can be used as proof that he has paid in the past. A paternity test can be done to prove that he is the father.

There is no easy way out for him. I cannot believe that you have let him get away with this garbage for so long in the first place.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 6

First of all your very naive.you allow him to continuously come in and out your life, and now his playing with your daughters emotions.If he"s the father he should be responsible and taken to court for child support.Agreeing to his conditions were for his benefit,regardless if he in a relationship,engage who give a damn!! Your daughter needs one parent who raises her with love,support and she secure,her dad already abandon her.she need you to be strong and wise;In your next decision and choices.stop having fling with Vinny! Vinny has no heart,for not wanting a relationship with his daughter,but you should make him pay! she not going to be four forever soon she"ll be a young lady and need personal products.until she adult 18.You must reminder her on a daily bases its not her fault.Danny might have your best interest,as long as she loved and care for ,your daughter will appreciated Danny and know who was there for her.step dad are sometimes more of a father then the true sperm donor!

Answer 7

if the father has had constant contact and issued financial support under any form to you , then u should for your dd's personal sake and right, go to a legal instance, forget phonecalling him or searching for him u should not be doing that, get yourself to a local legal aid, or sue him straight up, u know he is the biological father, things did not work out under the books with him, just go and show him u are no fool, and also stablish parental visitation under your standarsm he cannot simply come and go as pleases and visits his daughter when he remembers he has one..what a father! Your bf must be a better father figure to your child, have a lil chat with your current mate too about what u plan to do , do not exclude him totally, he may be your future and a loving person to your daughter, he also has to start seeing u are not a woman to play with....keep your head up girl, and do not take step backs..only forward!.-

Answer 8

Hunt him down make him pay and as far as telling your daughter who her father is 4 yrs old is a little young to explain to her your situations, if you feel you want to tell your daughter be prepared for the fall out from him. I would sit your family down and tell them first and prepare to have a DNA test done. When that is all said and done and if needed (because of bio-father) the DNA test is done and you prove with out a shadow of doubt to these people and him that he is the father then and only then go ahead and tell your daughter. The reason i even bring up DNA test is because if he wanted it secret and now has disappeared there is a great possibility that he will denie everything. As far as his possible other family keep them out of your business and stay strictly on the issue of your daughter when you speak to him. You are not a home wrecker for wanting the father to take full responsibility, and in your case at least monetary responsibility. good luck

Answer 9

Don't see how your a home wrecker.
It seem that your daughter's Bio-father is.

You should not have kept his name off the birth certificate though and if you can you should put him on it. As for him not paying CS I realize you didn't want to cause a problem but that child is his too and he should be paying for her no matter what. If he didn't want to be part of her life he should have came out and said it instead of playing with your daughters emotions!

Answer 10

OK so who cares if he has another child or another life...he made a baby with you and he basically hoodwinked you into not having his name on the birthcertificate because this was all part of his master plan. You need to go to court and they will require a paternity test at no cost to you and he will then have to pay CS ON the books--you cannot make him have a realtionship with his child unfortunately--just do your best not to trash him in front of or to the child--you kid will hold it against you I promise when he/she is old enough to understand. Believe this step-mother when I tell you this stuff---we paid our CS regularly and on time--and my husband can only feel good and right about that in the end.