I'm pretty open about wanting to please my wife in the sack, and never had complaints from any LTR prior to being married. We have no kids, share housework, etc. We do have frequent sex, but its always like this on her part.....
5 mins or less of foreplay
no kissing
turns head to the side
lays there until its over with
She doesn't let me do anything to turn her on, and won't tell me what she wants me to do to please her. But she'll have sex 5x a week, but its like I'm with a blow up doll. No excitement or anything.
Is this whacked out or what? I know compared to some guys around here who get no sex I have it good, but how long can someone go on with what feels like a loveless situation?
Any advice would be great.
2007-12-10 05:11:22 · 60 answers · asked by Robert H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok quick edit due to all the responses.
Yes my wife and I do talk about this, and she wants the sex to improve. However she's just not making time to have the quality sex, and it always ends up the way I already described.
I do flirt with her, but its not like I'm hounding her for sex. If I don't flirt with her (and I'm talking about hugging, general type non sexual stuff) or we don't have sex then she thinks something is wrong.
Everything but our sex life is great. I mean come on...how many women in here would like to have a husband that actually wants to ensure that their sexual needs are taken care of and is willing to do whatever it takes every time?! Well I'm that guy, but it takes two to make it work.
2007-12-10 05:45:53 · update #1
Neither of us has weight or medical problems that would affect our intimacy.
She's 5,7 about 125 lbs, blonde
I'm 5'10, average build slightly muscular with no fat, 210 lbs
No kids.
She does get off sometimes when we are together, tells me some fantasies, but doesn't make time for them to happen.
2007-12-10 05:51:03 · update #2
Not to sound rude but are u sure ur going down on her right? Alotta men tend to think they know what they're doing but actually have no clue. If she's not letting u go down for very long then theres a problem there. She's not having orgasms which is turning her off of sex. It's not uncommon. U need to find a new way to excite her. I know when I have sex I can do it again and again and again becuz I want that feeling of getting off never to leave.
2007-12-10 05:17:26 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Pure Evil♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How boring. Maybe she wants to change things but doesn't know how. The secret is to stimulate her mind. Get her mind there and her body will follow. If she's open to the idea, read erotic stories to her. Men enjoy visual stimulation while women tend to be more into verbal stimulation. Maybe she just has trouble relaxing and letting go. Let her know that it's okay to fantasize. Help her relax by bathing her, massaging her and handing her a glass of wine! Sex should be fun! Get her laughing a little. Try having sex somewhere else in the house. She can't just lay there if you have her bent over the bathroom sink! If she talks about her fantasies you should know exactly what turns her on.
If things don't change she might have deeper problems than you know. Was she sexually abused at all? Was she raised to think that sex is dirty? It might be some mind set that she has and perhaps she needs some help breaking out of it.
Hope this helps, good luck :)
2007-12-10 06:26:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not give enough info about her physically and emotionally .. has she had kids? Does she have diabetes? Has she ever had post partum depression? Etc.. and you..have you ever cheated on her and she knew you did? Do you view porn and she knows..etc? So many things can affect the way a wife relates to her husband and a husband to his wife. It is not a simple thing, life.
Oh..and by the way... sex is not love. It is a physical expression of tenderness but is not itself love nor does a lack of it indicate a lack of love. She could still be so deeply involved in love with you and you might never know it at all unless you find a way to open her smile back to what it was at the beginning but better because of how much more water has gone under all those bridges.
You know... men can have erectile dysfunction .. and though it does not involve a penis a woman can also have pretty much a deflated ego thing going on. If her husband views porn or subtley or openly puts her down because of stretch marks or weight gain etc.. that can pretty much ruin any thought of sex. Just as men do not like their wives comparing them to other men or cheating on them and so on.. women also have issues with this. And with the internet this cheating thing seems to be opening up like a nuclear bomb went off in the world .. exponential ruin of all that matters.
So..you think about it. You know her best. If she needs to visit her gynecologist..then you make the appointment and go with her. Maybe it is something which can easily be cleared up.. sometimes a simply thyroid panet can be so revealing ( involves a small amount of blood taken and tested ) .. who knows until you help her to find out what is going on.
2007-12-10 05:30:52 · answer #3 · answered by BelieverinGod 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to say this my dear, but it really doesn't sound good.
It sounds as though she only does it because she feels she has to ! I would suggest that you ask her if that is the case, and if it is , you must both decide where you go from there .
I have been married for 10 years, and although we don't " do it" as often as you, it is always wild and exciting, and neither of us feel " unwanted" or bored !
Please talk to her because it is clearly bothering you . It really isn't a good situation to be in . Sex may not be the most important thing in a relationship, but it does play a big part in it.
Good luck, wish you the best .
2007-12-10 05:25:59 · answer #4 · answered by Paris69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like you I have been married the same amount of time. My husband is very fulfilling in the bed. I give him the same in return try a diffrent approach just do something diffrent without her expecting it. Try and set the mood with some candles around the bath tub run her a bubble bath get a bottle of champagne and turn the light off. Tell her that you just felt like she needed to be pampered. If this doesn't make her go wild then I don't know what's up with her. Give it to her hard to the point where she just can't lay there anymore. I'm trying to find things you can do give her such good foreplay that it will blow her mind try being agressive. Good luck!
2007-12-10 05:20:13 · answer #5 · answered by Debbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some questions:
1. Does she have orgasms? If not, I agree with whoever said that she is doing it out of a sense of duty or closeness. A lot of women substitute intimacy for sex. Women have a need to feel close-physically and emotionally-and when they don't they often use sex as a way to feel closer, even if it is unfulfilling.
2. Has your wife ever told you about her fantasies? It could be that she is into something she thinks you won't like or disapprove of. Start the conversation. Tell her you fantasize about doing it in public, or that you want to pretend to be her "daddy" or whatever...give her room to speak her mind too.
3. Have you touched her lately? In a non-sexual way? Do you hold her hand, or rub her shoulders or touch her in a way that doesn't mean "Hey baby, let's do it!"?
This is the intimacy thing I mentioned above. When a woman feels secure in the intimacy of the relationship, when she feels like she had affection with no strings attached, she will be more uninhibited.
4. Don't force her to talk about it. Bringing something like this up is only going to make her feel inadaquate. Instead, be a leader by example. As I said, touch her more. Talk to her. Give her time and space to unwind after work. Make her feel special and don't demand anything from her. This will put her in a relaxed, safe space and she will respond to that, believe me.
Good luck!
2007-12-10 05:24:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as if your wife has either ha some negative experience with sex, or has been raised that it's something that you must "endure" as a wife to make your husband happy. This mentality is getting a little more out of style but some women still have it.
In all honestly, if you've (as you've said) tried to turn her on, but she refuses you, then your only option is to try relationship counciling. SOMETHING is causing your wife to be this detached from sex, and you will probably not have a satisfying sex life until the issue is dealt with. There may even be sexual abuse in her past.
Good luck - it sounds like you really love your wife and want to make her happy. I hope it works out for you.
2007-12-10 05:16:34 · answer #7 · answered by Kylie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried to speak to her about it? I realize its a sensitive subject and I wouldn't suggest telling her straight out that its boring having sex with her. But maybe you can say you think you'd like to try something new. There are lots of great books out there with lots of interesting new positions you can try or just tips for how to make it really hot. I've been in your position before and the book "The Magic of Sex" by Miriam Stoppard was really helpful. It has ideas for new positions, interesting information, varieties of foreplay, how to be a good lover, "keeping love alive," questions to problems people encounter, and questionnaires you can take. It doesn't sound like she's too open to new things but maybe you can introduce them a little at a time. But she should know how you feel.
2007-12-10 05:19:27 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that...Usually, it was because I felt like just some sort of way for him to get off, but ultimately...I wasn't attracted to him anymore...I am not saying that is your situation, but there is something there that has her holding back and you need to figure it out...It starts out as still doing it, but just not enjoying it and then turns into not doing it as often and not enjoying it to...not doing it and even if you are not enjoying it...How was she before this time...Has she gone on some sort of medication or diet that might affect her sex drive...Very well could be that she is having some secret hope of having children and would have more "fun" if she were making a baby as opposed to having sex...Lots of things that this could be...sit her down one day and talk to her about it...Bottom line: She can't expect you to be okay with taking your "love making" and making it something cheap and emotionless...
2007-12-10 05:21:23 · answer #9 · answered by Bailey W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to discuss this with her, but for goodness sakes, NOT in the bed or even in the bedroom. Pick a time and place where the two of you are relaxed and open to discussion.
Tell her you are concerned about whether she is getting any enjoyment out of your lovemaking. Wait for her response.
If you can't discuss this like two adults, then the next step logically is to go to a marriage or sex counselor for help. Problems in the marriage bed rarely mean just the sex is poor. It is a symptom of a more serious problem that needs to be dealt with and soon.
Good Luck!
2007-12-10 05:16:22 · answer #10 · answered by Pixie 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋