Me and my wife have been separated for about 9 months now and we have a 2 year old child together. As soon as she found out about a new girlfriend of mine, she layed down ground rules in regards to introducing her to our daughter. Basically she said that unless we are married of I've given her some kida of commitment/engagment promise, introducing her to our daughter was forbidden. A few months later she met a guy at a club. He is 22 (she is 27) and she started officially dating him about a month or so ago and since then, she has already introduced him and she emphazises to me how they go out and do things together with our daughter.
I just want to hear someones opinion/expericence in regards to this. Am I justified in feeling uneasy and jealous about this? Should I even bother expressing to her my feelings? I feel she is very hypocritical (my new GF still hasn't met her) and I don't like the thought of some young guy being used as a 'fill-in' father when I'm not there.
2007-12-10 05:07:10 · 17 answers · asked by Josh 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Alas, unless you get the courts involved you really have no control over who your former wife brings into your child's life.
As for introducing kids (esp young ones) to people either of you date, I feel it's best to wait until you've dated that person a while and have a good feeling that the relationship is going to last (not after just having been out on a few dates). It can be tough on kids to have people come and go from their lives, and they often form attachments easily.
2007-12-10 05:11:31 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you should tell her how you feel. Sounds like she is a bit of a hypocrite. You are your daughters father and you have a say. Kids are resilient and they bounce back. You are 100% right in your feelings. I have the same problem with my ex. I have 2 children with him they are a bit older 9 and 10. And he is dating all over the place and he introduces the kids to everyone. As where i am funny and dont becuase i dont want the kids to get attached to just anyone. But he tells me i cant date or introduce the kids to anyone where he has a new girl every week. Your ex wife and you should have a compromise where the child is concerned. She shouldnt tell you what to do and vice versa but you have a right to your opinon. Good Luck
2007-12-10 05:16:21 · answer #2 · answered by Hmmmm 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a typical hypocrite. When I divorced my ex wife, I included a clause about this issue in the divorce decree. Basically it said that we couldnt introduce a new love interest to our son until we had been dating that person for 6 mths. Typically by then you know it isnt just a fling but there is no saying it cant fall apart. I have no issue with introducing a child to friends- usually couples or someone of the same gender that you think will be long term friends but again, give it time. This is of course for younger kids, kids at 2,3,4,5 and so forth do not neet the constant change in their lives and parents need to think more of the kids than of themselves.
I'd be mad that she is a hypocrite and thinks it is ok for her to do it but not for you. At the same time, approach her rationally and calmly or nothing but trouble wil come from it.
I dont know anything about you or your situation but I know more often than not it seems women in there mid 20s and into their 30s are running away from the responsibility of family and in search of fun and sex and such
2007-12-10 05:17:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After my divorce I didnt introduce my then 4 year old son to any girlfriend for atleast 3 months. Your chils is a lil younger and wont grow such an attatchment I suppose if things didnt work out between you and your new girl. So as soon as you wanted to I guess.
Also what your ex is doing is being childish by telling you those things. She is just saying that to get under your skin. I went through the same thing with my ex and finally told her to piss off with all that bs she was handing out.
2007-12-10 05:18:24 · answer #4 · answered by puglyparker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should have no say as to what point you introduce a girlfriend to your daughter. Just make sure the relationship is really going somewhere before the introduction because this can be tramatic for all involved if you broke up. You don't want your daughter to see many women in your life that come and leave because this shows instability when she's needing stability in her life.
2007-12-10 07:27:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your last line tells it all..."some young guy" you do sound jealous. I would wait until you are comfortable introducing your child to your girlfriend regardless of what your wife you are separated from does. My kids actually met my girlfriend when we were just friends hanging out with other people. When it turned into a relationship, I waited for a while but since they already knew her it was easier. (my kids are 14 & 18) Search your heart, if you do introduce your daughter just because you are jealous, you may regret it.
2007-12-10 05:15:36 · answer #6 · answered by mikeehr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a dousy! but it can be done....I don't think that you should not introduce your daughter to your new girlfriend just because your ex won't let. I believe that you do it when you think that she is ready to meet her. Or that all three of you are ready for this. Its harder for you to do because you want whats best for your daughter while her mother flaunts this guy around like candy to a baby! Make a mature decision..if you believe that your girlfriend is ready to meet her do so...your new girlfriend is not going to be the "fill in" mommy as your ex's new boyfriend is not the "fill in" daddy either! So I say if you are ready to inroduce your girlfriend do it when you have your daughter next...its not your ex's place to say when you can and can not introduce your daughter and your girlfriend!
2007-12-10 05:14:31 · answer #7 · answered by Simply Lisa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that she should have taken more time before introducing your daughter to her new bf. I say this because if he is not the one then she will find another and continue introducing her daughter to all of these men thus teaching your daughter that this behavior is acceptable. and the same applies to you if you feel that she is the one then sure introduce her to your daughter because you do want to see if she will accept your daughter or not.
2007-12-10 05:30:30 · answer #8 · answered by annita g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have EVERY RIGHT to be jealous. If he just say "I miss you so much" maybe MAYBE you can let that go if she was a friend he hadn't seen in a while. But you can't just throw the "I love you" all over the place and say that it means nothing if it wasn't to you. FYI, talk to him about it again and if he still does it, I think you have nothing more to say but leave him.
2016-05-22 12:01:33 · answer #9 · answered by carolann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't divorced, neither of you should have g/f or b/f's. It isn't honorable or respectful, and you have a responsibility as a parent to be both for your daughter. Yes, 2yr olds know this stuff.
Get a divorce, and when its final, you can do what you want with your daughter, your ex has no control.
2007-12-10 05:12:17 · answer #10 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋