How to get out of a social event?

Question

This girl at work keeps inviting us to go places or do things with her. She's a nice girl but has some SERIOUS hygiene issues. I find that keep getting pressued into saying Yes. Eventually I come up with a plausible excuse and cancel.

Yet again I've found myself in the same situation. She wants us to come to her house & have dinner w/ her folks. What do I do? I'm running out of excuses. It's not that I can't go, it's that I don't want to b/c I know that her house is filthy and that she has horrible hygiene.

1. How do I get out of this situation?
2. How can I stop agreeing to things I dont want to do?
3. Is there a way to get her to stop asking me to do things in the future?

Please note that I want to keep on friendly terms...at work.

Listen, I've already had the hygiene talk with her...so has my boss...and everyone else in the office. She says she can't help it. It's like beating a dead horse. We haven't gotten anywhere with it. I feel bad for her b/c she's a nice girl. Everyone else is mean to her. I feel bad for her so I'm nice to her. That's how I got into this situation. Continuing to berate her about something that she has no intention of changing is not going to get us anywhere. If I'm cruel to her it's just gonna make my life that much harder.

Answer 1

1. Call and apologize PROFUSELY and tell her "I know you'll understand, but I have a family obligation I can't get out of."
2. You need to realize the difference between FEELING obligated and BEING obligated. You have the power, you're just giving it up. Be polite and just say "oh, I'm sorry. I have other plans."
3. Not really, unless you want to be mean and tell her she stinks. Usually a few "oh, I'm sorry, I have other plans" will get the message across without being In Your Face about it.

Answer 2

OK first off I'm the kind of person who would eventually try to find a way to tell her to that she needs to fix her hygene issues. Maybe finding a book by Martha Stewart or someone that deals with telling people how to 'clean up their act', so to speak, and giving it as a gift. You can lie and say "I used to be such a slob but this helped me get things straightened out. I consider you a friend and hope you enjoy it"

I guess I may not be what you call a 'nice person' for thinking that way but I see it as a moment of embarrassment saving someone from comiting the same faux pas for the rest of their life.

Anyway here are some ideas:

Tell her you are taking a class after work and can't come over. It could be a local community college class for cooking, dancing, whatever. Or you can say you are going to karate, or dance lessons.

Tell her that you have been getting these really bad headaches after going to her place and that you went to the doctors and found out you have allergies to dust, mold, spores. Maybe that will get her to clean up her place at least.

Does the person have really bad breath or BO? You could in conversation sometime when it's the two of you make the comment that you forgot to use deodorant one day and ask her if you smell. Ask her what kind of deodorant she uses. That might give her a clue.

When somebody comes up to me at work and their breath smells like they just chewed a turd I automatically grab myself a piece of gum and offer some to the offender. I really push the issue that it is really good gum and almost force them to take it. I tell them that I get bad breath from all the coffee and that I wouldn't want to blast them in the face with sewer breath as I grab the gum. That works sometimes.

Answer 3

You shouldn't feel pressured to go anywhere. Just be kind and say that your really really busy after work most nights and the days that your not working you have so much running around to do. Thank her for the invite and always say you have too many things that have to get done. Simple. Leave it at that. Eventually she will stop asking I'm sure.

Answer 4

Most people would say honesty is the policy, you could either tell her shes dirtier than a school toilet, or keep lying through your teeth. Personally id just avoid her and have some great excuses on hand, "Family Meal", "Visiting Relatives", "Going out with partner", keep it polite. Eventually shel get the message. Or just bite the bullet and go and wallow in her stink hole, cant be that bad.

Answer 5

Oh, I get it! You want to be the nice guy and let her run around smelling like BO. Why don't you do the "nice" thing and tell her straight up how much you like her and enjoy working with her, but to be honest I should have been nice and told you that you tend to smell a bit.

Or, keep making up excuses, that seems to be working.

I for one would want someone to tell me if I smelled or had a bugger hanging out of my nose. I may be initially embarrassed but I would appreciate knowing so that I could do something about it and not be known as the "smelly guy"

Yes, it is hard to tell someone something like this, but it IS the right thing to do.

Yoda out

Answer 6

Just tell her you're more of a "home body" and that you don't really do big crowds and social events. Tell her don't take it personally, but that's your just your personality. I had to tell some of my friends that at work the same thing. Not b/c they smelt funny, but b/c it was true. If she's really cool she'll understand. My friends were cool about it and they understood. Every now and then we get together, but we just chill at the house and watch a movie or something.

Answer 7

Well being honest would not make you in friendly terms at work. Maybe if you keep saying you have other plans, maybe she'll get the hint after so long and stop asking you.

Answer 8

tell her to take a bath or clean her house. In a nice way, maybe she wasn't raised right and thinks its normal

Answer 9

take her apart and just say it to her, maybe you are the only one who thinks she has hygiene issues, maybe sha 's got ,more complaints.

trying to find exuses doesnt change the situation.

Answer 10

Just say no.