I have been married to a fabulous man who happens who I helped 'go after his dreams' and finally landed his dream job, my 10 year old loves him to death, and his family's never seen him happier. He'd actually tried to kill himself over his ex two years ago...she'll come up later, she gave me the phone records and texts that proved he'd cheated...
While I was working on my master's degree and on and off bed rest this summer (I'm a high risk pregnancy and a teacher) my husband began a 'mind game' relationship with his ex to "get back at her for hurting him". This even included sleeping with her. This man was everything I thought didn't exist. At 29 I met him on a girl's night out, we clicked, two weeks later I was pregnant. He and I went to Vegas and got married--he even took my 10 year old daughter who he's mentioned adopting, he loves, etc. with us because he was "marrying us both". I've looked allover the Web for advice, am physically ill over it, it hurts so bad. Help.
2007-12-10 04:24:31 · 22 answers · asked by Anni 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, he fits the text book example of the 'remorseful' cheating husband and is begging to stay. I don't even want to look at him, but I can't stand being away from him, even today while he's at work and I stayed home like a loser...I just want him near me and don't want to lose him. Maybe he knows this...but I also hate him, banned him from the delivery room, everything I could think of, even tried to kick him out but he wouldn't go, (he's a cop, they don't always obey...) I'm sorry this is so lengthy, but I've got to get help right away and wanted to explain it all.
2007-12-10 04:32:48 · update #1
No, junkman, no other women, just her. He was in a lawsuit with her and offered to drop the charges if she did him favors...
2007-12-10 04:38:27 · update #2
Forget that as-s-ho-le! What will be his next "stupid" excuse to cheat on you, that DOLT!
2007-12-10 04:39:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First learn to use punctuation, so we can make sense out of your question. You sound manic and it's probably freaking him out. Take some responsibility for your pregnancy issues and make sure you have birth control available and maybe back off this guy for awhile.He could be having a hard time adjusting to becoming a parent. Maybe by some baby books and refocus your energy on something more positive right now. Sex will happen when both people feel ready.
2016-05-22 11:54:56 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This must be so tough for you! I truly feel your pain especially because you are pregnant. I had a baby two yrs. ago and my hubby and I also went through some tough times cause we got married right away after meeting each other. I wanted my pregnancy to be beautiful and peaceful, although I didn't experience infidelity at times I had doubts and felt so lonely. Right now your hormones are getting the best of you too and my advice is to stay strong and remember that you have unconditional love with your children. They are your true strength and will always be with you and you have to make their home a happy, warm and loving environment...sometimes that means moving on without a man. You've obviously experienced this once with your first child. It's sad that it had to happen again (separation) but you are young and intelligent, educated...you will get through it. I'm sorry to say that as it is cops have bad reps for being cheaters and liars, I know many of them and they are all so arrogant and conceited. There is absolutely no good reason why he had to get back at his ex and do it by sleeping with her. The best way to get back at someone is showing them that you are happy without them and that they are insignificant in your life. It's absurd that he would say I had to play mind games and sleep with her, it seems to me that he just wasn't over her and had to prove to himself that he can get her back.
As much as his hurts, you have to be true to yourself. But of course the final decision is YOURS, only you know what you can handle and what you can live with. If you feel in your heart that you can sincerely forgive and forget and that this wont be an issue in your marriage then maybe you still have a chance. But if it's something that will stay in the back of your mind, will you be able to live with that insecurity? I think you need to make a list of your pros and cons and then decide. Good luck to you and my prayers are with you and your little ones.
2007-12-10 05:08:53 · answer #3 · answered by BEBE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm amazed that you think this guy is "fabulous" when he cheats, plays mind games, has serious baggage with his ex to the point of suicide, doesn't use protection, and makes you physically ill. Wow.
No. You don't take a man like this back. He may be capable of being a "father" (and I use this term loosely given the cheating) but not a husband.
Now by take him back, I mean don't allow yourself to be subjected to this behaviour. All trust is broken and you have to start from square one with him. How can you trust him with your daughter? You can't trust him to not cheat. Act the way you would with someone that has mis-placed your trust. Even complete strangers are given the benefit of the doubt. He's lower than that.
2007-12-10 04:39:43 · answer #4 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, his actions are so very immature; this is his ex-wife and he is with you now; why should he even care about anything she is doing. He needs to let her go completely or you two will never have a chance.
Hopefully, you and he have discussed his immature behavior and he is doing all he can to assure you it won't ever happen again. He needs to have absolutely no contact with this woman; she went to you with the evidence! For what reason did she do so? To hurt him? To hurt you?
He must stop playing any mind-game with anyone; especially her.
I know you hurt so much; the pain is overwhelming. Hope his stupid games were worth it to him because now he has bigger problems; earning your trust back again and hoping you can forgive him enough to make your relationship work.
Here are some sites that may assist you. I do suggest he call his ex or write her a 'no-contact' letter stating he will not call her, email or text her or see her again and if she tries to contact him, he will ignore her. He must do this for himself and for you.
Here's a huge hug for you - know you needed one
2007-12-10 04:36:14 · answer #5 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to stay in this marriage then do so but try to get counseling because of his obsession with his ex sounds scary .It is definitely hard to trust someone after they have betrayed you in this way . I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater . I believe that when people cheat it has nothing to do with the spouse it's all about themselves. They just don't realize how their actions hurt the ones you love.Good Luck!
2007-12-10 04:43:16 · answer #6 · answered by Ana C pisces1976 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been through a similar situation. I read uplifting stories through my whole pregnancy. Just to get my mind off of what was going on.
Get you mind right for the baby in your stomach. Your baby feels all the emotional turmoil you are going through. Forget about the situation until the baby is born.
2007-12-10 04:49:25 · answer #7 · answered by cb32 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all your are NOT married to a "fabulous man" sweetie. He is married to a fabulous woman to put up with this. Your on bed rest pregnant with his baby and he is screwing his ex to "get back at her" and what exactly does that do to you? You need to get rid of this guy and NOW. Have your baby and live your life and don't look back.
2007-12-10 04:30:49 · answer #8 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If he is spending his time "trying to get her back" after he has you and a baby on the way then the truth is he is obsessed with HER! Also, the truth is he doesn't really care for you or he wouldn't be spending time with her! He is married to you but he is CHEATING!!!!! Do you get it?????
Also, one more truth, as to his remorse, he is sorry he got caught, not sorry he did it.
Now it is time for you to quit being STUPID and divorce him unless you want to continue to hurt and be physically ill!
2007-12-10 06:41:14 · answer #9 · answered by mikey_fiveoh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of the source you are getting your information from. Just maybe his ex is trying to finish the job of completely destroying your husband.
Number one question "WHY IS SHE TELLING YOU ALL THIS?"
WHAT IS SHE GETTING OUT OF HURTING HIM AGAIN?
He got a sense of closure and now she is striking back at him. Let it go and move on.
2007-12-10 04:54:29 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not care about his cheatings. That is nothing. I think the ex is a real devil, showing you the sign of his cheating is an evidence of this statement. But be aware of his mental health! For me he seems to be a very imbalanced character. If you feel that his mental state is harmful for your (your and your baby's) future then kick him out. It is not worthy for you to work on his mental imbalance. Now you have other important tasks around your baby. If you feel that he may support you and the baby as it is required, then forget his cheatings. This happens more frequently with ex-s than you think of it.
2007-12-10 04:39:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋