He had the affair after we were married over 23 yrs. With my youngest sons wife.I want to do the right thing.both my sons miss trust him .Its been 2 yrs and im still having nightmares, that hes cheating on me.My son got divorced right away.the affair went on for 2 yrs.my husband always told them to work at thier marrages and to be faithful. I find it hard to trust him, the dreams keep upsetting me.hes a hard man to live with ,I love him, But hes changed alot .I know he would never have told me. My sons ex told me .The 3 of us got together, it was then my husband admitted to it.he still says he dont know why he did it.and that im choosing to have the dreams.he says hes glad she didnt get pregnant. I believe in better for worse but I may lose my sanity. ANY ADVISE HELP PLEASE.
2007-12-10 03:04:39 · 26 answers · asked by undercover angel 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, this is hurt and betrayal on the highest scale. You need to go to some support group, see a therapist, do something major. On this site, you won't find the answer you're looking for.
I would say leave him! But of course, that's easier said than done. Whatever you do, don't take responsibility for his actions. Do not view it as a reflection on you. He did this for his own selfish reasons. Stay beautiful because you are.
2007-12-10 03:09:59 · answer #1 · answered by toochp 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do marriage consoling first! Especially if you have kids! Tell him the truth that you feel hurt by his talking about you outside the relationship. Every couple does this but if all he says is bad things then he is dirtying the water! Making it hard for you to be close or communicate with the in laws! Also I would never talk to family about really bad things in the relationship! if you do consoling for at least a year and things don't change then consider a divorce. However like i said if you have kids you have to think of them too. If this man is abusing you physically then I would say leave now! Take your kids with you and get a restraining order! If this is physical along with mental abuse then it is not worth staying around. He could hurt the kids! If you don't have kids then now would be the best chance you have of leaving with no attachments! Again if this is only a matter of words being tossed back and forth give consoling a try! Good luck!
2016-04-08 05:50:39 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a firm believer that you either cheat or you don't. I doubt this is his first affair, might be just the first time he got caught. You would be doing yourself a disservice by staying with this man. There are faithful people out there, and you yourself are proof of that. Have respect for yourself. Don't stand for it. You will wind up resenting him and yourself for staying with a man who betrayed your whole family. That's not love, and he's the one that broke the commitment. I think that if you do still love him, kicking him out and divorcing him would be the best thing you could do for him. Then and only then does he hold a chance for becoming a better man in the future. Maybe then in his next relationship he might realize that cheating is not worth loosing everything. While this might break your heart, it will let the healing begin for you and let you respect yourself again. Go to an atty ASAP and make a plan. My heart goes out to you, this will not be easy, but at least there is an end in sight, and you will not have to live through that torture on a daily basis. You deserve better.
2007-12-10 03:54:43 · answer #3 · answered by none 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The dreams you are having is your way of dealing with it. My husband had an affair a little over 10 years ago and it still pops in my head every single day. Your husband telling you he don't no why he did it is a lie,he knows why he did it he is just a coward and won't tell you. Make no mistake your husband will do it again,any man that will go after his own sons wife is a real dog of a man and if you stay with him your in for another heart break. How does your son feel about you staying with the man who broke his marriage up? I bet he doesn't look at him as a father anymore and doesn't want to be around him. Your husband is a very bad role model for his kids. (Do as i say not as i do) is that how your kids were raised because I'm sure that's what they are thinking.
It's hard enough to stay with a cheater but to stay with one who cheated with a family member is unforgivable and you must be going through hell everyday. You look at your son and you feel love,what do you feel when you look at your husband now?
2007-12-10 03:27:20 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is a horrible situation. Your husband not only broke the trust of your own relationship, but destroyed his SON's marriage in the process. I can't imagine the trauma this would cause to your family and to then get flippant about why he did it and the fact that you are still affected by it is just the icing on the cake.
I know that you believe in marriage lasting forever, but you also deserve happiness in your life and it is NOT too late to find that. You gave this 2 years trying to make it work and he has shown that he is not ready to meet you halfway. It is time to end this now.
You are a strong woman to even attempt to hold your family together after what HE did to your family. Now be a stronger woman and move on with your life. It is the only way your family will ever be able to heal.
2007-12-10 03:17:24 · answer #5 · answered by JA in SC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok any man who would stoop to having an affair with his sons wife....never mind about that. People tend to get just what they deserve in the end. You however do not deserve to be treated that way. If you can't trust him you really don't have a marriage. My advice would be to cut the ties and let the healing begin finally. You deserve someone who will love you completely and not want anyone else because they think you're the best thing since sliced bread. Good luck girl!!
2007-12-10 03:11:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say you should have divorced him at the time you found out. Cheaters cheat because they do not respect you. He probably cheated before with other women and may even really be cheating now.
The fact that he cheated with his own son's wife shows that he does not respect his children or women in general.
You are right for having dreams. The fact that he had the nerve to say that you are "choosing" to have these dreams goes right back to the lack of respect for you.
Through him out and file the divorce papers. For better for for worse was violated when he had the affair. For better for for worse is about happy and difficult conditions that you go through as a couple, not about dealing with a partner coupling with someone else.
Take care,
Troy
2007-12-10 04:15:39 · answer #7 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow..Honey I am just amazed that you have stay around for the two years, I would really suggest that you get professional help, and then also help with your self confidence you need to go to classes for that, I am reading from what you are saying, a very low estem, lonely person, that thinks she can't make it on her own with out your husband in your life, and honey you are wrong, I know that a change after 23 years is very scary, but you know what you have to do. This is why you are having these dreams deep down inside you is trying to talk to you., this was not your fault, and who knows why they do what they do, but not only did your husband hurt you but your son also, he screwd his life up, but you have to relize that he proably did this before and after your sons wife. Please get out and get some professional help, and you are a somebody that has the right to stop this cycle and the nightmares.
2007-12-10 03:24:28 · answer #8 · answered by kelly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When people take their wedding vows they say for better or for worse, but I could have sworn that there is something in there about being faithful too. I can't tell anyone straight up that they should get a divorce but I can say this, do you really deserve to be treated that way? Are you really happy? If the answer is no, then you should consider making yourself happy. You did more than your part in the marriage by staying faithful to him when he was unfaithful to you. Consider what I am saying.
2007-12-10 03:11:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go talk to a divorce lawyer and find out your rights in your state. This is a mess that isn't going to go away. Your son was right to divorce this cheating wife. I can't imagine how she could cheat with her father-in-law. She set out to destroy the family. Talk to all of your sons and ask their advice. If financially, you need to stay then get a part-time or full-time job and throw yourself into being with your friends, join a club, get active in your church, or volunteer at a charity. In other words, be busy and ignore this man the rest of your life.
2007-12-10 03:11:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋