Should i even acknowledge the Anniversary?

Question

This question is complicated, I just want honest advice. I have written earlier about me - I dated a girl for 3 1/2 years, things were great, we were in love, even though I only wanted to be with her and nobody else, I chickened out and could never get myself to get married. She took a job on the West Coast, and while I thought we were in a "lets try to make this work long distance thing," she met some other guy and got married 5 months later. They have been married now for 1 year and she called/emailed recently and told me she is not completely happy, that she made a mistake, got desperate and just wanted to be a wife, that she never thought I would want to get married. I told her to divorce then, and she only says that she doesnt know if she can "risk it," as there is no guarantee between us. I really love her, and am so depressed that this happened, it sickens me. Well, our anniversary was Dec. 12, should I even email her and say anything or just do nothing?

Answer 1

Get over her sweetie - she got over you obviously...

Answer 2

No, don't acknowledge the aniversary. Why do you continue to torture yourself about a situation that is gone? The first year of marriage is always difficult, just adjusting to 24/7 with a new person, lots of responsibility, sorting things out, etc. She is instantly reacting by saying "I made a mistake" but she "doesn't know if shee can risk it". Risk what?

The fact is this: Even though you loved her, you could not bring yourself to marry her. After 3 and a half years, you still could not commit to her. And she has been married for yet another year. The minute she said "I DO" to another man meant that you were dead to her. The minute she said "I DO" to someone else, she proved that her love for you was not real either. The only reason that she is in contact with you now is because there is uncertainty in her life, and at least she knew what to expect in the situation with you.

If you do try to contact her-admit that you are willing to be a home wrecker, a person that would initiate an affair with a married woman. No matter how much you still love her, you will do yourself a favor by changing your number, getting new email address, and have no futher contact with her. The woman you were really meant to be with for life is waiting for you, maybe even right under your nose-and you will never notice unless you stop looking backwards! Plus, she wants a guarantee from you before she will even divorce-what does that say?? She's asking for a marriage proposal when she is already married?? Any red flags for you yet.......

If you must acknowledge your 'anniversary' do so personally, privately for yourself. Buy a nice wreath, go to your nearest body of water, and bury it there. Hold a funeral service, cry for the relationship that died so long ago, and then start your healing process. One day, there will be a woman that you KNOW you cannot live without, you will not hesitate to say "Marry me" and mean it.

Answer 3

When have you ever had a gaurentee in a relationship? I would tell her that you still love her but you don't know what the future will hold and she will have to decide what she wants out of life. If she is really unhappy in her marriage she needs to make that decision on her own to get a divorce. It would be best if you had nothing ot do with that because she can't place blame on you if she does leave him and it doesn't work out with you. I would say leave this so called "anniversary" alone but do tell her your feelings and be prepared to leave the relationship alone and start to look for someone that is good for you. You sound like a pretty carring guy and you need to realize that she may not be the one and there is someone waiting to meet you. Good luck!

Answer 4

Before you do ANYTHING...... sit down and seriously consider what you really really want. If you want what you say you want, to be with her and nobody else, then be brave enough to make vows to that effect. Marry the girl, and show her and the whole world that she is THE ONLY one you want to be with. If you can commit to that, then go ahead and e-mail her on your anniversary.
If you cannot make the commitment that she so very obviously needs and craves then leave her alone altogether. Apparently the man that she married loved her and cared enough about her need to be secure to marry her. If you cannot do the same,leave them to work it out. Once you are gone, she may settle down and focus on her marriage.
I think this is a classic case of S*&t or get off the pot.
Good Luck!

Answer 5

u should just let her b. i know it hurts, but if she got married 2 someone else than that was her choice. if she really wants 2 b with u than she would divorce and get in touch with u. let her make the first move. i have been in the same situation and in the end it worked out the way i hoped. we r together and very happy. good luck

Answer 6

Well, I don't like the idea that she used another man to be his wife. Maybe she did it just to make you jealous or miserable but it was very wrong of her to involve another person in her scheme. I would take this slowly. She is the kind of person that will do anything to get what she wants....that sounds nice now but what if she wants another man 5 years from now when you have 2 kids with her?

Answer 7

You should email her, you should tell her how you really feel. If you think you're willing to take the responsibility, marry her and take care of her for the rest of your life, then you can ask her to divorce her husband. Maybe you were meant to be together.
But, if you're still not sure, then just forget about her.

Answer 8

leave it. she isnt sure she should risk divorcing someone who she isnt happy with and only married because she wanted to be a wife? that is not someone who makes good life choices. move on mate.

Answer 9

Do nothing. She's married; you will come off as a stalker, or at the very least desperate.

Answer 10

There is no such thing as a anniversary if you were not married. Grow Up !~