Do you think I have a right to be mad at my hubby over Chirstmas money?

Question

My husband spent all his money on his duaghter's Christmas because her mom was getting her mainly clothes and he said she "deserved" to have toys for Chirstmas. h and he had to pay for half of the clothes the child's mom got. Well I had to buy all of the stuff for our two kids. He didn't help a bit. He even picked buying his daughter a ton of gifts over paying his share of our bills. It's like he's trying to impress her mom and buy her love and I'm pissed because it leaves me to pay for everything for our kids and out bills. What to do? I tried telling him I was upset and he just thought I was being unfair by asking him to tone it down a bit and help me out some. Do you think I'm being fair?

Answer 1

Ask him how exactly are YOU being unfair? Ask him to explain it to you. Ask him why he isn't treating all the children the same. Ask him if he isn't being unfair.
Yes- you have every right to be mad. He had better take care of his business and whether he thinks so or not, you and all of your children are his business.
I would make him pay you for half of the money you spent on your children's christmas gifts- period.

Answer 2

Yes, you have every right to be mad, and you are definitely being fair. In all reality, he should be less concerned about what his ex is buying their daughter, and more concerned about what to buy ALL of his kids, and the main concern should be making sure the bills get paid. He shouldn't be leaving everything to you to worry about, because marriage is a partnership.

If anything, it sounds more like he's trying to impress his daughter, rather than her mom, because he's getting more "fun" things for her, while the mom is just getting clothes. Sometimes when it comes to kids and ex's there's a bit of a battle to be the "favorite" parent.

...and why on Earth did he have to pay for half of what the mom bought? That doesn't make any sense. If my ex asked me to pay for half of what he bought her, I'd tell him no, because I'm buying her stuff too and she would have enough between the two of us... and there is no way I'd ever ask him to pay for anything I bought her.


EDIT: I also agree with the other posters that your money should be pooled, rather than having it be "his" money and "your" money.

Answer 3

Are you two married? I mean seriously, do you share a home and children or not? Why aren't you sharing a household account? Why do you have "bill sharing"? And why are you so resentful of his daughter, who by the way was there before you were?

Do you and your husband know that Christmas has nothing to do with presents? The only gifts you should be worried about is the gift of having family to love and share the light of the season with!

My seven children get 3 presents each and we have a lovely time making cookies and baskets for our friends. We listen to music and sing together, decorated with cheesy homemade decorations, and enjoy every minute of our time together. We only have each other, so I guess we are happy about that instead of worried about a bunch of material things.

The only sad part of my holiday is missing the child I lost, perhaps you would like to count what you do have, rather than focusing on what you don't.

Answer 4

I think you have every right to be angry. Christmas is about giving and being with family and celebrating the birth of our Savior, it is not a holiday that should put you in a financial bind. If you do not have the money, you cut back on giving. If I were you, I would take a percentage of the gifts back to the stores and either get a store credit or your money back. He needs to put his family and bills above exceeding the gift giving on a daughter that you guys have already bought for. I understand that he wants to give some things that HE bought, but do not spend all of your bill money.

Answer 5

I, me, she, he... should be WE.

I bet if you put all the money together that was spent on all three children and divide by three it would all work out. This IS a family unit right? add it all up and divide. Each adult is contributing equally in the long run.

Honey divide up the bills equally also. pay your half. Hand him his half and if he don't pay, well, he don't pay. Something will get turned off, he can go pay it and then he can just remember to pay them before buying too many Christmas toys. Bills before toys. Make sense don't it? some how by adding Christmas in to the equation , makes it ok not to pay bills...I think not.

I know I sound harsh, but he needs to grow up.

Merry Christmas to you and the little ones. It gets better, I promise : )

Answer 6

The proper way to handle this would have been to put your money together and then split everything, bills and gifts for all the children equally.
I am thinking though that he is not trying to impress her mother. Sounds more like he is feeling guilty about being apart from his daughter. He may feel like he does more for the other two children since he sees them year round and they are there in the same household with him.
I would attempt to talk to him kindly and rationally about this situation, explain how you would have liked to see it handled. Both of you paying equal amounts for everything and ALL the kids. I mean she is your stepdaughter, so she is part your responsibility too. Tell him you feel very left out on that score and ask him to please allow you both to be there and do for all the kids, not just the two that are living in your house.
Yelling and hollaring will just cause him to be defensive....
Good Luck

Answer 7

Wow why was he paying 1/2 of what her Mom got her? At our house we buy for the kids and at their other parents house they foot the bill and all the kids are equal. Actually the children who have both parents in one home such as yours are probably coming out with much less because one home of presents not 2 . I don't believe one child should get extra at the expense of other children. I think he is off base on this one.

Answer 8

You are in the right. While it's understandable that he wants his daughter to have some toys for Christmas, it is unreasonable for him to not help you with the two children you have together. Since there's nothing that can be done about it, going forward you have to let him know that it's not acceptable and that you have to agree on everything together---including what he spends for Christmas.

Answer 9

When you married a man that already had a family, you signed up for this, and you know it. What on earth are you doing with separate money, anyway? That's not going to help. If you put all your money in one pot, you wouldn't be capable of even having this problem.

But anyway, if you want advice to solve the problem, I think you should try not to be "upset" by things, even if you want to change them. Surely, there's a way you can express your feelings without saying "I'm upset" and "upset" is the best way to motivate everybody around here, so you should change every time I get upset.

Married men get awful tired of that, and he already dumped one family. Just once I'm sure he'd like to have a conversation where you tell him something in your relationship was satisfactory.

Answer 10

yes you have every right to be upswet, he is favouring his daughter over youre chidren. maybe he had another reason to do it maybe he felt guilty as he spends less time with that child and trying to make up for it with presents what ever the reason he should have sorted out his otha gifts and bills first and spent what is left between the 3 children. you should be upset bcuase you are married all finace should be discussed betwen you.