his 9 year old wrote to her mom, saying that her brother,dad and me are ALL very stupid. Apparently she loves us, and is always hugging us,but she calls us stupid,because her dad doesn't take her to the mall anymore,because he just want to be home with ME. Should i tell him? but i don't want to break his heart,he's always so proud of her, THAT she loves me. What should i do ??? please help me ? his kids are always saying that their mom (the ex) is always saying that their dad,just want to be with me. What's the correct thing to do ?
2007-12-10 01:56:12 · 8 answers · asked by dersexy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Come on! You're talking about a 9 yr old child. I don't understand you people now days. No one considers their children when they're creating a broken home for them, yet they expect everything about the children to be perfect. So what if she called you all stupid in a letter to her mom. Since the beginning of time, I'm sure all 9 yrs olds has considered their parents as doing something stupid. They didn't have to write their mother and say it, because their mothers and fathers were married living in the same house with them. They just told their friends and each compared thoughts on their parents. While this child may like you and your kids and not tear things down, she's not going to build you up and praise you to her mother.
Get real. Whenever someone new comes into a parent's life, they will be spending time with them and somewhere alone the way, it's going to take away from the children's time. Even if you and bf are living together, that's not a stable family structure. Children sees all this and a lot more and they have inner feelings about it. You need to leave bf daughter's letters alone, they're to her mother and not you and you leave bf alone about it. This child sees you as who you are, "her father's gf". Look at things on a realistic level and stop pretending things should be happily ever after. What you all need to do when creating a broken home for children, is to truly put your children first and romance on the back burner. By that I mean, If you're going to date, then keep it on the side away from the children until they're much older and stop bringing people in and out of their lives. Don't think the gf/bf will have a mother/father relationship with the kids because it's not going to happen. Children live with these issues because they have no other choice, but don't think it's all well with them. So leave this child alone and don't be a trouble maker.
2007-12-10 05:34:32 · answer #1 · answered by merry59 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a complicated word to define becuz to everyone it's different... To me it's a feeling I get in my heart that my mind tells me is true and real, I wanna be w/ that person all the time, I think of them b4 bed and they are my first thought when I wake up, I go all day and do nothing but think of that person, I can't imagine my life w/ out them, I would do anything for them, their needs and wants come b4 anyone elses, he would make me laugh, he could bring me up when I am down..... This list can go on and on but like I said it is what u make of it... If ur asking if it's love then more than likely it may not be... If it's love u just know it... u feel it :) When I first felt it I thought I was losing my mind becuz I went so long thinking I knew what love was... then he came and omg I still can't believe it...
2016-05-22 11:28:25 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is pretty normal for a nine year old going through what she is going through. Be open with him. You want to help here. Don't be unrealistic about what is going on. It is real. It won't all be good. That is just the way it goes. My step-children took quite a while to decide I was okay. They asked why I didn't say some things to clear up what was going on when they were young and I told them that I didn't think it would work and that they had to see for themselves. I have a very good relationship with them now. Hang in there.
2007-12-10 05:16:49 · answer #3 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down and talk to her and remind her that she is a special little girl and if anything bothers her she doesn't have to be shy and not talk to you. she might feel like your taking her dad away and that's normal at her age. Remind her that you are all a family now and we all love you. then talk to your b/f and let him know that you resolved the situation. make a girls day out , get manicures and go to a bookstore, she'll start to open up more to you.
2007-12-10 02:16:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
children go through this jelous phase. I know i did and im sure the "ex" will understand if shes mature enough. but what you should is sit the child down with your bf and tell her that you and her daddy love her no matter what and he daddy loves her unconditionally and tell her your sorry if she thinks your taking her daddy away but your not trying to. Just reassure her promise it will work. good luck!
2007-12-10 02:07:18 · answer #5 · answered by tiffany s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were you an emotional train-wreck when you were a nine year old girl? Bet you were. Most are. I wouldn't get too concerned about it, she's just very confused and I would definitely not share with him that you are reading mail to her mom.
Just love her. It'll be fine.
2007-12-10 02:01:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If its an isolated incident, i wouldnt make a big deal out of it. She's 9 years old.. her parents are divorced, and she's confused. But if it keeps happening, or she starts becomming resentful of you, then you should talk to your boyfriend about it.
2007-12-10 02:07:55 · answer #7 · answered by sarahlizjo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
both answers so far are excellent. nothing to add.
2007-12-10 02:08:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋