Hi, I am in a marriage that has had it's problems but we get along enough to run the house without fighting other than a few words here and there. I've not wanted to leave because the kids...you know.
The thing is, I disagree with how my husband parents about 85% of the time. Of the other 15%, I am ok with 10% of it and the other 5% of the time he is golden - just great.
It is extreeeeemely hard to watch him reduce my kids to tears and fighting when all he is trying to get them to do is their chores. I am tired of being in the middle, tired of being accused and reprimanded because he thinks I am interfering when my kids come to me saying he is unresonable or crying or frustrated with him. I agree with the kids, but have to tow the unified front line.
Is this a deal breaker for this marriage?
2007-12-10 01:55:07 · 9 answers · asked by xxxxxxxxx 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me be very clear!! I have no problem getting the kids to do their chores. Everything gets done, plus homework, and no one is crying, and the kids are not fighting with me or with each other. I do it day in and day out.
2007-12-10 02:19:33 · update #1
AND - I AM the one who does stop the kids in their tracks and tells them they need to take care of their responsibilities. I am not the softee and IN FACT, I am the DISCIPLINARIAN in the home.
2007-12-10 02:21:43 · update #2
OMG, I feel like I am being effin crucified in these responses. I tell the kids they have to do as dad says, I tell them I will not listen to them complain about him, I have NOT ONE ISSUE in having the kids do the chores when I am the one getting them to do them. YESTERDAY I left for two hours after a perfectly fine weekend with the kids - chores and homework done - and when I got back everyone was mad AGAIN, my girls were in tears, and my son was repeating that he won't be living at home forever. I WAS NOT EVEN THERE TO INTERFERE.
2007-12-10 02:24:22 · update #3
You two have GOT to get on the same page as parents, period! Disagreeing about how to bring up the children is something that can chip away at even the best of relationships, nevermind one that is on shaky ground to begin with! You two are going to have to sit down and work out a parenting strategy that you BOTH can agree with. If you're having a hard time doing it alone, maybe you can get a counselor to help you put your ideas on paper without ripping each other's heads off. Not agreeing on how to parent the children is a deal breaker, and you really should get help if you want to save this marriage. Good luck--I have been there!
2007-12-10 02:03:07 · answer #1 · answered by Marina 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, the best advice on parenting I have ever heard is that there are two people in this world who can raise my children properly... ME and their DAD. My husband and I don't always agree, but then again, we were raised different. You have your way and he has his. If he isn't abusing them to make them do their chores, then what is the problem. Sound to me like your kids know that when it turns out that way, you'll be a softy and then they wont have to do their chores or as much or they get help, etc... Parenting is about being consistent... So if they see that when they get into tears Momma comes running, they are going to do just that... Why do their chores when Mom will come to the rescue? AGAIN, this is if their is no abuse going on.
If you want to make things better, sit your husband down after the kids have gone to bed and openly discuss with him your feelings... Other wise things will get worse. Talk to him and tell him how you both could get things done without all the tears and such. Then, see if maybe he was doing it that way because that is how he feels he can get the job done, so to speak... AGAIN, not if there is abuse...
2007-12-10 02:10:45 · answer #2 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That sounds SO familiar! Your situation is so similar it's scary. Kids seem to develop the ability to "work" the parents. My wife can't get them to do a thing, and I'm the hard a** who forces them to get their butts to work. Then, I'm a jerk to everyone. It's gotten to the point now where I don't care what they do anymore, it's just not worth all the aggravation. As for the deal breaker, when you figure that one out, let me know. It seems, and has become obvious to me at least, that I have chosen misery over my own happiness for now. Only you can decide what you want out of life and how happy you want to be. Like they say, "youse throw down yer quarters and takes yer chances!" Good luck...
2007-12-10 02:09:49 · answer #3 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that domestic abuse is wrong and shouldn't be tolerated as it will always happen again even if they promise or say it won't. If i were you i'd go back for your child and unborn babies sake as long as he agrees to counseling. If it doesn't improve from that then leave because you don't want your children to be scarred in the future from all of this and you can't take the risk of being hurt or him maybe hurting your children one day. Be careful and good luck.
2016-05-22 11:28:19 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do realize that what you should be doing is stepping in and insisting that the children 1--do as they are told without arguing, 2--show their FATHER respect, 3--not play the two of you agaionst each other.
Start supporting your husband and making the children mind without question. The only thing that come out of your mouth when they come crying to you is, "you should do as your father says and then you won't have to cry".
2007-12-10 02:11:41 · answer #5 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think both of you are in trouble with your parenting skills. He tries to do the right thing, ..maybe to strenuously..and you interfere and teach the kids to disrespect him AND you by allowing this chasm between you.
Both of you need to get this book AND READ IT!!
"Children: The Challenge" by Dr. R. Dreikurs ( or Driekurs , not sure ) . It is out of print but you can still order it . Best child rearing book ever on the planet. And it helps the parent see clearly how huge their own mistakes are. And the two of you need it badly and your children need the two of you to grow up.
2007-12-10 02:14:01 · answer #6 · answered by BelieverinGod 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The two of you need to come to some sort of compromise. You need to be on the same page when it comes to the children. If you feel he's too harsh and he feels you are to lenient then the two of you need to come to middle ground.
2007-12-10 02:04:17 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like a deal breaker to me .... he should be backing you up, not the other way around.
2007-12-10 02:01:25 · answer #8 · answered by Orla C 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
spare the rod, spoil the child... he has to do whatever it takes for them to do their chores... if it means the belt...it means the belt... kids have no respect these days... they see you going against their father, so, they will too! good luck... let him be the dad... that he has to be to keep these kids in line...
2007-12-10 02:05:26 · answer #9 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋