Why all the sudden my wife agrees with me to go to marriage counseling? Is she having doubts?

Question

About 3 months since we separated and all the suddenly she decided that she wants to go to MC with me. About 3 months ago we had an argument just like any normal marriage couple, but it got heated and she went to stay at her sisters house. A week later she told me that she wants a divorce because she's fed up with me. Note: we didn't cheat on each other or beat her. She just wanted a divorce because she was "fed-up". Anyhow, initially I suggested that we go to MC, but she refused and wanted to go thru the divorce. I tried to talk to her out of the divorce but she was too angry n refused. Fast forward 3 months later, she found out that I have be going to therapy on my own and now she wants to go with me. The catch is she is willing to go to MC to help me, but she still wants a divorce. I told her if it's only to help me and not both of us then don't go, but she still wants to go? Also she has been dragging her feet with filing the divorce papers. Is she giving false hope? help!

Answer 1

What she is doing is hedging her bets. If she decides that the counseling is going to "change" you to her liking she can just end the divorce proceedings. If you don't "change" the way she wants or if she finds someone else, she is covered.

Unless she is willing to admit that marriage is a joint venture, therefore marriage counseling must be considered a joint venture whereby both parties have to participate fully and accept their fair share of the responsibilty, then let her go.

It sounds to me like she is behaving very selfishly and immaturely. Running off to your sister's because of an argument is hardly the way to be committed to a marriage!

Not only that but I would lay odds that the help you are getting is going to be in the form of rebuilding your self-confidence. Something that is probably lacking due to your selfish soon to be ex wife!

Answer 2

PROCEED .

Move on as if she did not exist.
She was trying to bring you to her side that the problem was you. Now through her games she has lost her hold and control of you.
Do not accept that she should go with you to therapy so she can tell your therapist all your problems.
If she wants the divorce proceed. If she wants to come back then she has to say so and give in.
I think I would have to ask here why she is dragging her feet with the paperwork because you are prepared to live without her permanently.

I would expalin that there will be NO couples anything if there is no couple so forget that option.
Hopefully your thareapist has taught you how to ignore her control ploys.

She still wants a divorce but will not do it? That is a classic
move. She wants you to beg her to come home on her terms.
It is that false hope which is her last weapon. DO NOT bite.
Ask her to sign the papers.

Answer 3

Let's get this straight.... She wants to go to Marriage Counseling but still wants the divorce??????? WHAT?

First thing you need to do is find out if she really does want the divorce. She says she does... has said it over and over... YOU go out and file for the divorce yourself!!! Don't wait on her, don't sit back thinking she is dragging her feet because she really doesn't want it. FILE, throw it in her face, see what her reaction is.
My feeling is that she wants to go to counseling with you so she can find out what you are saying or so she can point out your shortcomings. What other reason is there if she still wants the divorce?
And as for her wanting the split because she is "fed-up"... She went to her sister's house for three months over a heated arguement then a week later states she wants a divorce? Her sister is either whispering in her ear or she has in fact been interested in someone else or possibly seeing another. "Fed-up" is not a reason... there has to be more. Dig for it.. "fed-up" means... I don't want to tell you the real reason.
Take care of yourself first. It sounds like you are doing what you need to do... Stop pursuing her, she said she wants a divorce and has lived away from you for months... let her go... and try looking at this entire situation from the outside in... Take off the blinders and think of it as someone else's problem... What advice would you give your best friend in this situation, or your brother, or sister?

Answer 4

Hi Tim Sorry to hear about your wife but it is wonderful to know that you are not giving up on her and are trying to help. I also am Bipolar with OCD, PTSD and DID. You may need to talk with her doctor on your own to express your concerns. I have instructed both my husband and mother-in-law to contact my doctor any time they feel I am relapsing, or doing something that will be harmful to myself or anyone else. Who is prescribing your wife's medication? Anti-depressants should not be prescribed by a general physician. I found this out by personal experience which almost killed me. I just kept telling my doctor that I was depressed and she just kept increasing my medication. It wasn't until I voluntarily committed myself, did I finally get the real help that I needed and counseling was a major part of my getting better. She definitely needs to see a Psychiatrist if she hasn't already. If she is seeing someone, then maybe she should try another. It took me a while to find a good match. Aside from medication, she should also have one-on-one therapy and the two of you should have couples' therapy. Another important thing - she must decrease her alcohol intake. Alcohol has a great impact on how anti-depressants work. Again, something I learned from personal experience.

Answer 5

Brethren continue with your counseling and go from there. At least you realize there is a problem and you are now working on it. She tells you she wants to help you with counseling by attending. What are you not getting from counseling right now while she is not there? Nothing, that is why you are getting help right on your own. When you are finished with your counseling see where she is and go from there. You need to take care of you first, once that is over then you can see if there is any hope for your marriage. Remember this, an argument can only be an argument when two person are fighting. I never seen a person argue with themselves unless they are crazy.

Answer 6

She's had time to cool off. She still loves you and is willing to give it a try in spite of what she says about still wanting a divorce. This alleviates your false hopes...if she tells you that she still wants a divorce...it's just in case the counseling doesn't help.

Answer 7

I think it's hard telling what her intentions are but maybe she is not as sure she wants a divorce as she thought she was. I do think that maybe she should go solo for a few sessions and let the counselor decide how to proceed after seeing you both solo. Good Luck

Answer 8

Well, from what you state, it sounds like she wants proof that you're going before she'll come home? No clue here, but just my thoughts... I would say invite her, but only if she wants to do it for her. Not for you... not for you both... for HER. If anything, you'll both come out as better people AND, here is the bonus, when she sees you going and how you have been doing, she may just state that she wants to come back home. Hence the dragging of her feet on filing.

Answer 9

She's had time to cool off and think. The fact that you are going to counseling has shown her that YOU really care and want to work it out. She wants to go with you now so that you both can work it out. I look at it as a very positive sign. Good luck!

Answer 10

Let her go with you. See what she is up to, if you both love each other, then there is still hope. She is as confused as you are right now ! Give her a chance at least ! Good luck !