How do I tell her our marriage is over without pushing her over the edge?

Question

My wife and I have had a brutal year to say the least, unfortunately we've only been married for one year. She has been very controlling and hot headed and very conniving. Day after day of non-stop fighting ended in a blow out when she tried to get between my best friend and I. I told her immediately I wanted out and was ready for a divorce, it's been far too long of a year.

Problem is, she disregards the fact that I want out and keeps telling me to give it one more chance (I've heard that before). She keeps telling me It'll get better, when in my mind its over and I'm ready to move on.

I have no idea how to let her know its really over this time, without pushing her over the edge. Short of serving her with papers or bringing another woman around I have no idea how to let her know. She is very emotionally frail and I'm afraid she'll do something rash. Any ideas or suggestions welcome!

Answer 1

MOVE OUT, that says alot and if she goes crazy on you call the cops, get court orders on her but tell her it's over and you just can't keep going this way....

Answer 2

Tell her that you are not mature enough to be married, and that she should have gotten a clue when you made your best friend more important to you than she is.

If you want to leave, then leave. Find another place to live, pack your $h!t, and then leave. Get a lawyer, draw up some papers, and have her served. If you're really concerned about pushing her over the edge, then move out when she's not there. It will be easier for her to discover that you're gone than it will be for her to see you walk out the door. No matter how you do this, the pain is unavoidable. She's going to hurt and so are you. I can't imagine what the two of you have been fighting about every day for the past year, but I suspect that it may have something to do with the two of you having different expectations from your marriage. You wife may have been attempting to change you to fit her expectations of a husband, and she may also be guilty of behaving like her mother. You play a part in this as well. My point is that the two of you could benefit from some marriage counseling. You should give it a shot. Your relationship clearly isn't working by doing things your way... Why not apply some practical knowledge to your situation?

Answer 3

Well dont bring another woman into the picture or that will push her over the edge. If you do it that way then you will be seen as the bad guy, everyone will remember the final act by you, and all the work you have done before in the past year counts for nothing.
I suggest you move out. You make it quite clear it is over and you cant take another year like the last one. Make sure she has some support but not from you. Talk to her Mother if she has one, tell her you need her to be there for her daughter as you just cant take it anymore, or maybe she has a sister or a friend.You need not to give into emotional pressure as hard as it is, you need to move out and you need to make some space between you. You need to be strong and mean what you say as each time you stay after you say youre leaving, you have just let her know that this is ok for her to treat you like this.
Once she knows you are serious about this, you can go ahead with the divorce papers by which time you will be a bit stonger to say no when she calls again once served with the papers (she will).
Its a difficult situation to be in, you are there physically but not emotionally yet she still has the power emotionally over you.She knows this to and plays you on this, so time to think about yourself, and move out is the best thing you can do. You make sure she has some support and do what you have to do morally then you can walk away and can hold your head up high without the guilt.Clear all YOUR debts before hand and make sure you leave everything of yours in order before leaving.

Answer 4

You both will have to face the truth anyway. If you want to be kinder, take her to therapies and they will help you see that this is over. You can tell her that you have given it a thought and if you both still want this to work, you need some profesional help. Then, with the problems you are telling me no one on earth will say your marriage has future. Just be careful and start saving some evidence that you have not been the guilty one because at the moment of a trial you might use them. Good luck. Divorce is terrible, but it is worse not to do it.

Answer 5

Sit her down and talk to her, she probably has some doubt anyway. Tell her how you are feeling, and ask her how she feels. She is not an idiot, and the fact that you are asking us how to tell her, shows that you still care at least a little about her. She may be wondering the same thing. If that doesn't work, then pack your things and move out. Don't say things like I need some space, or We can work on our relationship but right now I need to find myself. That just gives false hope. If you care, then do your best to make her understand that you care, but you don't love her anymore. Be Careful.

Answer 6

Move out (at least for now) and file for Divorce. You are not responsible for "pushing her over the edge". From your post, it sounds like that is exactly where she has pushed you. If you Know in your Heart things will never work, you might as well End it now, and Find yourself someone who will Love you , Not Control you and constantly fight with you. Good Luck !!

Answer 7

Sad Ace but the first year is usually the roughest. If it really cannot work out then you should perhaps sit down with her and have a good and honest conversation about what went wrong. Include the fact that you cannot continue to live the way things are at present and that you want to end this marriage. Believe me it will not be an inexpensive decision but one that you are prepared to make. Best of luck.

Answer 8

First off, you KNEW that she was controlling before you married her. Did you think that she would change???

OK, stop. You made a commitment for better or worse. First thing you need to buy her the book "The Surrendered Wife". I will tell you that it has saved my relationship and a lot of others. Read the book yourself. Leave it laying around the house. Second, get into counseling ASAP.

People are not disposable. If you want things to be different you need to CHANGE also. She is your WIFE. Honor your commitment.

Answer 9

i think you definately need to just come out and tell her. then you may need to just pack your bags and go. if you are genuinely unhappy and you know its over then just go ahead and take the steps to end it. she will hurt and may try little games to get to you but ignore her. on the other hand if you still love her, or even think there is a remote chance of having a marriage then seek some professional help. but it sounds to me like your done. dont bring around another woman. noone needs that. if i were you i would go ahead and move out and start divorce procedures. the longer you wait the harder it will be for both of you. good luck.

Answer 10

Emotionally frail?? Are you kidding?? She's manipulating you because she knows your serious. She's not too frail to try to control you, or fight with you. What on earth makes you think she's frail?? Oh brother, she knows how to pull your strings. Dude, move out. She will get it and she will be just fine. Let her pull all of her little conniving moves. Don't give in or you will be back here asking for more advise.

Good Luck.

Answer 11

Oh yeah, bringing another woman over is the right thing to do....smart ***. Why don't you just be a real man, go to your little attorney's office and file for divorce. Then go home, act like a man and tell your wife it's over and you've filed.