How do I handle this situation with in-laws and husband ?

Question

I'm quite frustrated with the situation I'm in. I don't know if I'm wrong or right...let me give a background. My husband and I met in college, fell in love, had a 6 yr relnship(got engaged also). His parents broke our engagement, he broke off with me, but after 2 months, we got together again and eloped, and had a very happy marriage for 4 years. Now his parents came to help us shift into a new house we had bought, and they are still there for nearly a year and the shifting is done. There was no prior discussion on their stay. We had a lot of fights since they arrived as they are interfering and commanding around the house and I don't like it. It feels like their house not mine. My husband blames me for mostly everything. we fight a lot and he talks of seperating and asked me to leave the house in front of his parents. I have learnt to ignore some things. But when I voice an opinion, he usually gets angry and stops communicating with me. I think I'm being taken for granted

Answer 1

Oh dear! I feel for you, I really do. It is never advisable to live with inlaws at any time, or your parents on the flip side. I lost a marriage over it when my MIL moved in with us.

My mother always told me, "two adult women cannot live in the same household." And I agree. Even though it is your home, she will try to impose her ways on you. And I am willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that is the case and you husband tends to side with his mother.

If that is the case, the inlaws need to leave. You actually answered your own question when you said you were happily married before they arrived. You are living in a very precarious situation and you need to sit hubby down and have a nice long talk. Don't attack him, just explain how you are feeling and the fact that you were so much happier when you were a couple and not a foursome.

Good luck, I will be sending positive thoughts your way!

Answer 2

Are you paying part of the mortgage? If so, you have the right to stay in the house. Are your in-laws paying anything? If they are not, you can legally ask them to leave. However, this would not help the relationship with your husband.

I think that you should leave, and take with you the paperwork relating to the ownership of the property, and go to a good lawyer, and make your soon-to-be-ex husband buy you out. Then you will at least have some money to get resettled. And you will be free of a gobshite of a husband who clearly doesn't appreciate you, and his gobshites of parents who clearly are freeloaders.

If you are not part-owner of the house (on paper), then make sure you have receipts for everything you bought for the house and take these items away when you leave - and you should leave. This man and his parents don't want a wife, they want an unpaid servant.

If your husband is telling you to leave, he's trying to call your bluff because he thinks you won't. Surprise him. I bet he'll get the fright of his life.

Answer 3

If you cannot talk to your husband and reach an agreement(like his parents leave or start paying 1/2 the mortgage), then tell him the house is to be sold, you'll take 1/2 of the proceeds and he can have the other 1/2. You'll go your way and he can keep on living with his parents like he is a child.

Is your name on the deed to this house? If so, seek professional advice from an attorney. You may be able to legally get rid of his parents.

Answer 4

Your husband is acting like a child! His parents should've never been allowed to move-in with you without there being a discussion and agreement between the two of you. He obviously has no respect for your opinion and that is a major problem.

I hate to tell you to leave, but maybe that is what it is going to take. He needs to understand that you are being made to feel uncomfortable in your own home and there is no excuse for that. It is HIS responsibility to ask his parents to stop interfering in your relationship. They need to go!!

Unfortunately, he probably isn't going to see it! You can argue forever, but if he isn't willing to put your first in his life, you will never be happy.

Maybe marriage counceling would help? Sometimes getting advice from someone who isn't directly involved with the situation can help. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

It is the ultimate "disrespect" when someone tells you to leave in front of their parents. Now that he's done this once, it will be much easier for him to continue. This is called verbal abuse in case you didn't know. And, by the way, legally you don't have to leave YOUR home. I don't think you'll like what I have to say-----but if it were me, I would run, not walk to an attorney's office, file for divorce, and clean his clock. AND.....stay there until the day of the divorce.

Answer 6

If he tells u he's leaving, he might have it in his mind but does not know where to begin. His parents need to stay out of your marriage, where that is between the two of u. I have a situation on my hands also. Good Luck

Answer 7

You certainly are taken for granted ! Whose name is the house under ? You know, if it is under his parents name, you have no other option than to leave ! Otherwise, if you truly love him, try to talk to him only, outside the house, about this. I think, you also should try to "speak" if possible, to your in laws. Ask them kindly, to go back to "their home" and let you live your life as a "married woman" to "their" son ! Good luck !

Answer 8

they go or you go period. Your husband married you and not his parents. If they won't leave than you must. Divorce sell the house and get you own. Easy peasy.