Is my husband controlling or is just me??

Question

My husband and I have been together for three yrs and being married for 1yr and half we have 7months old baby. He is 30 I’m22.My husband doesn’t like me going out with my girl friends and when I say go out I don’t mean clubbing but I mean just girly things like shopping getting hair, nails, and body messages. I take care of my self I like to look good regardless where I go even at home. However, every time I go shopping or getting y hair or nails done my husband complains about me taking too long. He even complains when his friends come over and say that I’m hot he says that I dress to sexy and ask me if like one of his friends I told you the only one for me and that I never gave you reason to be this way. At first I though it was about me but now that I make a very good money I found out is not about money but he just likes me to stay home around the clock, I even pay someone to baby sit our babe while I do whatever I have to do so he could do whatever he likes.

Answer 1

I would say if you don't trust me then why. He shouldn't be that way and why men are is beyond me. They can be babys

Answer 2

My first husband was not in the least bit controlling - however, he was the most irresponsible person I've ever met in my entire life. Couldn't trust him with anything. Lovable though. My second 'marriage' (long term relationship) - yes, very controlling. Because of the way my first marriage was I didn't understand what was happening at first, so it took me a while to realise. Now that I'm out of that relationship, I look back and think he really was a sociopath or a narcissist or something of that nature. It was all about him and what I could do for him - it was never about us as a couple.

Answer 3

It is not a matter of control as others have suggested, rather it is a matter of insecurity. In this case, call it "imbalance" from several viewpoints, for example: you are hot looking, perhaps his looks have faded?; Are your friends single or married - anyone, male or female will be uncomfortable if their spouse's friends are all single(use common sense here); age disparity - his set of values may have reached the " settled down stage", while perhaps yours have not as yet; Lastly, he may be uncertain of your intent toward him as he complains that you dress too sexy, is it for him or the eyes of others?
Note how all the respondents are clamoring that he is too controlling and you should dump him? These are fast people looking for fun, who haven't a clue about love or relations. They may not even recognize the import of a child's welfare.
At the end of the day, the choice is yours, you either love this man or you do not. If you do not, then exit the relationship post haste. If you do and he feels the same, talk to each other and work it out, that's what love and marriage is all about - one long series of mutual compromises and no regrets.

Answer 4

I agree with you about not clubbing with your girlfriends when you are married. But since all you do is some shopping and getting your hair and nails done then I would say it is your husband who is being unreasonable by giving you a hard time about this. He is obviously insecure and it is affecting the relationship between you and him. Reassure him of your love and loyalty. You might want to also tell him how it hurts you when you behaves this way. I am afraid this is all you can do other than divorce him which is something I don't think you have to do. Hopefully throughout time he will learn to be more trusting of you and this behavior will improve. Best of luck!

Answer 5

It sounds a lot like you are trying to second guess each other. E.g. Assuming it must be money at first.

Maybe you should both sit down and talk about it. Find out, as others have suggested, if there is anything in his past that makes him like this. He may simply need a lot of reassurance, or you may misunderstanding what it is that is really bothering. Is it that you are unpredictable? Or that he doesn't like your friends? Or that you aren't home when you say you will be?

If you find out what it is that is specifically bothering him, don't just jump to fix it by changing your behaviour. It may not be that you are wrong, just his reaction is wrong. If you do that then you will allow him to be controlling (it sounds like his isn't controlling YET - you are still doing the stuff). He needs to understand how his reactions make you feel, and if he respects you he will want to work on it as much as you. Don't be afraid to tell him how he makes you feel - he is clearly making his feelings known.

Answer 6

I am very sorry you married an older man, truthfully. Often this is how they will try to treat a younger woman. Like they are somewhere between a dad and an older brother and a lover.. kinda icky when you really think about it but that is how it is alot.

If you ARE dressing sexy..then remember you are married now so it won't hurt to tone it down alot more. No , do not look like a nun!

The massages aren't necessary so you can leave those out..just go to the gym. I usually go to a girls gym anyway just so men won't bother me while I am trying to work out.. one of my sisters goes to the local Y here.. and one of my brothers owns a mans PowerHouse gym.. and he employs masseuses ... some of them seem.. a bit close to the gigilo side of things.. so kinda stay away from the massages. Sometimes if a husband is telling you that he is on the jealous side by what he says to you ... and you go ahead and marry him.. you will get simply .. a jealous type husband! LOL !

So?.. you can make it work. Just BE his good and gracious and loving wife. God bless you and your son and your husband!

About his freinds commenting on you? He needs to tell them that they are rude to you and to him when they do that. it is disrespectful. ( but it also might mean you need to tone down how you dress ) . Maybe he needs a new set of friends who are alot more polite to women.

Answer 7

Yes he is being controlling but has he ever been hurt in a previous relationship? Maybe cheated on or anything? If so, maybe he's afraid to go through that again. If that is the case you should just sit down and have a good heart to heart, let him know you love him and would never do that to him.

Answer 8

If you want to stop his controlling ways, then here is what you do. Believe me...it works. My friends husband was worse than your husband and this is what we did. I have to say...I had a lot of fun helping her reform her hubby. She made him go everywhere with her. If she needed to get her nails done, he had to bring her and wait for her, hair done bring her and wait for her, food shopping, Christmas shopping, out to lunch with her friends...he had to bring her and wait in the car for her if she was just doing something quick, or he had to follow her around if we went shopping. Everything she wanted to do or had to do, she made him go with her or come with all of us girls so that he could see how innocent it all was. Oh, I almost forgot. He had to have the baby with him too. No need for a babysitter if he was going to be with her. He just had to take care of the baby while she got her hair done. After about 3 weeks of this, he gave up, apologized, and never questioned it again.

Answer 9

Well, theirs no dought that your hubby has issues with imaturity & jealously, but, hey, did you not see the red flag tell tale signs before marriage? You claim to have been with him for two years prior to marriage, you cant say he wasnt jealous & controling before you married him, but Im sure before marriage when you first met you thought it was kinda cute & even flatering? so basically, you are part to blame, because you made it appear that his behavior was acceptable & now, you have created a monster who is out of control, & he will get worse, so my advise to you is to go seek some marital therapy, it cant hurt. & why, oh why, did you get married at 22? you are my own daughters age , & I couldnt even imagine her in a marriage with a baby? But thats water under the bridge, make the best out of this situation & I wish ya the best!

Answer 10

He may be controlling. It maybe that you tell him that it will take "X" amount of time and it takes longer. Part of trust comes from following through on what you say. I not sure of what to make of "staying home around the clock." That would be an issue.

Answer 11

Your husband sounds very insecure. He may feel because you are much younger then him that you might get bored with him. sit down and have a talk with him be honest and let him know that his insecurities are upsetting the relationship. If he will not listen seek some counselling for your self he has very insecurity problems and he needs to get help for them or one-day you are going to get tired of this and want to leave get help before it turns to physical abuse.