What can I do to diplomatically and professionally defend myself at work?

Question

My boss is SOMETIMES a nice lady. She has some mood swings, and she becomes petulant at the drop of a hat. She is a little condescending during those times. She is demanding and disrespectful, IMO, during those times.

Keep in mind, I want to keep this job. What can I say that will not result in me getting fired? I mean, whenever my boss is in an ill mood and is ill-treating me, what should I say? I want to sound mature, intelligent, to the point, professional, and direct. I do not want to be offensive, defensive, nor aggressive. I just simply want to be calm and assertive.

Any suggestions on what I can do?

The goal is to be respected. I show respect to my boss, and I expect the same in return. But I also know that you cannot demand respect- you COMMAND respect.

Thank you for your insights.

PS- if it has any bearing, I am a paralegal, and my boss is an attorney. Also, our office is small. There are only four of us here total.

Answer 1

this is a hard egg to crack because, given the nature of your work, and the personality of your boss...... she probably isn't taking emotions into account.

I mean she's probably operating on blind linear rationale, because it's the most efficient way to get from point a to point b and she obviously doesn't mind(or isn't mindful at the time) stepping on peoples toes to get there....

If you are a pivotal part of her team then you should demand respect, assertively yet honestly. a couple of ways to do that....

if she's in a bad mood and she forcing her negativity on you..... throw in neutral comments that hint yet don't single out her attitude too much .... ex.

"WE need to keep our heads clear today!" or " i don't think the tension in here today is helping THE TEAMS focus!"

if that doesn't help defuse things then try direct honesty but make sure you project it the right way, and only do it one on one......ex

"your one of the best attorneys I've worked for, but sometimes you come off a little overstressed and i feel like it effects our focus" or kill her with kindness

"when was the last time you lounged on an exotic beach in the south pacific with a fruity drink?"

Answer 2

You are SO right. You have to command respect by being professional and it doesn't have to be in an agressive or manipulative way.
In these situations I become the "Ice Queen" - factual and succinct with steady eye contact. I'm not mean but I am usually very warm and fuzzy so it is obvious I am getting down to business. I don't want to show a lot of emotion during times like this or talk too much. I try to keep the focus on the situation at hand, not on any person (blame doesn't work) - this usually facilitates a resolution quickly and without drama.
Keep on keeping on - you are on track.

Answer 3

you dont demand or command respect, you earn it.
your boss will probably never change. she may have
personal problems you don,t know about, thus causing
her to act the way she does.
if you want to keep your job, be respectful and earn her respect.